my new year eve dream

guess wad?

i dreamt of him again. who is he? MW. *shake head*

not sayin that i dun like seeing him.. prob is, i love seeing him!! that's the bad part.. it's been such a long time that i havent met him.. i should have forgotten him clean given my poor memory.. why cant i let go of my feelings for him and let him become part of lost memory? i wana forget, but on the other hand, i dun wanna forget. how!? haiz

okae, here's the dream.

was in a skool building which i had never seen before.. even remember alighting at the bus stop opposite fmss and crossing the roads.. the dream told me that the skool building was ACJC. why was i going there? hell if i know. was thinking,"boy, acjc has changed alot ever since i left fmss"

met him at the entrance amongst many students.. he's like a shepherd herding us lost sheeps..
man, i cant even remember wad i wore and yet i remember clearly wad he wore. he wore dark grey long-sleeved shirt with no buttons. it's those casual clothes.. veri nice! i wanta wear such a shirt but i cant find it anywhere except in my dreams.. haiz

he had grown more muscular and he looked happier than he used to look when in skool.. that's good..

met jun ming halfway thru the dream while i was exploring the ugly building.. he looked rather panting but excited to be around.. the outside of the building look mouldy and gloomy, but the inside was nicely furnished.. kinda... but there's no glass for me to break [heng sia].. im a bull in a china shop sia..

ahhh... now im listening to the song sung by westlife and diana ross.. saw the mv last week and have fallen in love with it ever since. NICE. mmmmmmmmm.. did i put up the lyrics for this song? ah heck, im gonna put it up here in this entry.

Westlife - When You Tell Me That You Love Me Lyrics (feat. Diana Ross)

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies

I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain

I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

[chorus]

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does

You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

[chorus]

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you [a world without you]
I would always hunger [i will always hunger]
All I need is your love to make me stronger

[chorus]

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

When you tell me that you love me

------------------------------------------------

wanna watch the mv? here's the link: http://www.arjanwrites.com/arjanwrites/2005/12/video_premiere__2.html
and the comments that diana ross' poses resemble Jesus' pose on the cross? that's bullshit! she just wanna show off her hairless armpit. JUST KIDDING!! that's how pple sing! when pple sing, they like to gesture. try it, it feels nice to raise your hands when singing..
woww.. diana ross is almost 62 years old!! and i tot she looked like she's around 40!! no white hair, no wrinkles.. man, the makeup artist is GREAT!!

recently i have been playing yahoo! pool.

man, it's dirty. dun go there.. dun ever tok to the men there. esp those in their twenties.. their hormones are overdriven. after a while of playing pool, they start suggesting other games to play with you gals out there.

*shake head*

huo4 bu4 dan1 xing2

yea, if your chinese got pass and you know hanyu pinyin, you know wad i wanna say.. trouble comes as a floodwave.

again!

gimme an "S". *S*

gimme a "U". *U*

gimme an "A". *A*

gimme a "Y". *Y*

and wad does it say?

SUAY!!

i cant hear you.

SUAY!!!!


why am i saying this?? you remember that i mentioned that father kana arrested yesterday? today, we received news that it's either we pay the indonesian govt S$3000 or my father gets 4 months in jail.. of course my mother opted for the fine.. it's like, waddahell. sorry for vulgarities.. but really, just in order to save the money for ONE ferry ticket costs him an entire month's salary. now, we really gotta SAVE money. the "SAVE $$" project will commence in big-scale from now on. less electricity to use [waddahell!? electricity prices gonna rise AGAIN!?!], less water to use [i can go visit the skool's toilet.. nah.. the trip back home will make me wanna bath again]..

HAIZ.

so now, my mother had gone out to get the money and den change it all to rupiahs [omigosh.. liddat alot of notes to carry!!] in case the company my father used to work at refuses to help us pay the fine first ad let us pay them back later, or let us get the advanced pay for this month to pay the fine.. my mother didnt want me to go with her.. she called my sis instead.. cos i sure dunno wad to do de.. den at least if it rains, i can help her keep the clothes which are hanging outside the kitchen window..

early this morning, my mother received news that my father kana arrested. nothing serious.. just that when he was supposed to take the ferry back to singapore, he sneaked into the ferry that goes to batam.. dunno why he did that. in the end, he's now being quarantined and the fine will be announced tmw.. most probably will kana fined S$1000..

my mother was thinking of buying a sofa that cost $899.. in the end gotta forego that sofa so as to let him pay the fine.. that's not the type of opportunity cost we study in skool..

and today, we threw away a second piece of furniture: a two-seater sofa.. again only my mother and i did the moving.. somehow, the men NEVER helped. my bro's living with his gf in clementi after telling my mother that he go malaysia. he even came home to take his stuff last night at 2am.. *shakes head* i better dun tell my mother this, wait she become more upset that her son lied to her..

almost broke my thumb nail during the process.. as in the whole piece almost came off.. so now it's hurting.. gotta wrap my hand around the thumb to get the nail and the skin reattached..

now both the living room and my bedroom is so spacious!! can have doggie le!! BUT, cannot afford the money and the time.. i know myself, i will get so obsessed with the doggie that i will neglect my studies.. cant afford that for this entire year.. and the door looks hazardous for a dog..

gimme an "S"!! *S*

gimme a "U"!! *U*

gimme an "A"!! *A*

gimme a "Y"!! *Y*

and wad do you get??

SUAY!!

omigosh, i wanna be a deejay!! daniel ong is the deejay. he can crap all by himself on air!! heard the advertisement on air?

"shang is better looking,

justin is full of energy,

vernon has a deeper voice,

young is... rich.

bu you know wad sends daniel apart from the rest.

well, he has a big *toot*

if you wanna know how big his *toot* is, tune in to....."

well, something liddat.. veri cute!!

being a deejay is gonna be my aspiration from now on!!

oh yar, this morning, i had many dreams.. one of them was about elin being veri unhappy.. that dream later led on to me entering a room where chen hanwei was inside!! budden i didnt really bother him.. den i saw clothes hanging and i tot that the room was a shop, so i spotted a pink shirt and tried it on.. and den when i returned the shirt to the hanger, i realised that all the clothes that had been hanging there was chen hanwei's!! hahahahaha.. i blur until liddat..

stoopid dream.

song

http://www.520music.com/p11.asp?id=52435

is this link broken? if not, congratulations!! wait for a while for it to be buffered. and woohoo! you hear a soothing music! veri nice!! comforting! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

actually, if you have scv and you are in love with tvb series and the english songs in them, you can visit the website!!! no mp3 format, wad a pity..

http://www.520music.com/MusicList/520music.com_4031.htm

My love will get you home by Christine Glass

My love will get you home by Christine Glass

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.

Boy, my love will get you home.


If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.

Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashame, my love will get you home.
If its only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.

Boy, my love will get you home.

nice song.... and im gonna find the song for you to hear.

throw, buy, set up

yea, at first i threw away one of the beds in my room. today, i got a shelf that's taller than me to take over the bed's space.

now i put all my studying stuff there.. tired..

losing the strength and concentration on my blogging... argh

before i leave, i shall re-relate yesterday's outing in case i become senile and forget all my relationships. was excited abt uploading the pics on my blog until i didnt bother to blog much last night.. haha

yesterday, i said that i met the gals at around ps. in the midst of being there, i tot i saw nicholas and a girl eating at long john silver. problem is, i dunno if that is him. but this guy waved in the direction of my group. he waved a few more times then he looked back at his drink.. veri funny leh! and you know why im not sure? cos i wasnt wearing my specs.. lazy to wear since i gonna take it off when taking neoprints.. so i think i was squinting at him.. haha.. so paiseh..

den when we were decorating our neoprints at another booth, suddenly that whole machine shut down. there was another machine opposite ours which oso shut down.. so scary!! $10 and a whole lot of voices nearly went down the drain [the gals screamed alot during the few seconds given to us to pose, but i didnt.. was busy tiptoeing and looking at the screen]

in the end, they had to redo the decorating.. deco done by the two craziest women in my group: lydia and huiyi.. so it's cute!

oh, when the three of us went to buy the black tops, we were supposed to pay $52. but the make cashier there suggested that we use his discount card to get a lower price. liddat both peeps benefit. cos he managed to earn an extra $5 in his card.. so there was $55 in his card.. i saw it at the cash register.. he earn, we save. win-win situation. good. we make use of him, he make use of us. good. i saved $23-$15.67 = $7.33.. okae, i could afford two meals at burger king using the coupon and another $0.67..

after that, sweetin left.. we den went to bugis to find a half-jacket for elin.. managed to find a lot of them.. but not wad we wanted.. den i suddenly tot of buying a jacket to match with my white dress too!! BUT, i got penniless by the time we were in bugis; had around $5 left after buying my new black blouse.. and every jacket looked so nice!!! i wanna go there again one day!! maybe after my As..

den after that we went starbucks to sit down and grab a drink.. elin bought ice blended choc while lydia and huiyi shared a cup of ice blended coffee.. i drank water.. hello!? one cup of coffee there cost one burger king meal with the use of a coupon!! i see dollars notes flying away from my pocket..

den huiyi and elin went home for dinner while lydia and i went to have dinner at BK.. den we talked a long long long time abt a lot of things.. i think we sat there for around an hour.. haha.. after that she went to take bus no.33 home while i took mrt home.. haha, i reached home 15 mins earlier than her!! on my way from chinese garden mrt station to my house, it felt cooler and looked sooooo dark even though it was only 8pm.. and my heart felt lighter cos i got happier from seeing all my frens from fmss.. hehe.. budden my legs got heavier..

neoprint! at ps. had a lot of probs during process.

ah. for the first pic, lydia spent A LOT of efforts to help us get rid of the dark eye rings of elin, me and evan... hehe.. i like the pic with the salute!!! i dun look myself!! i look comical!!!

to ps....den to bugis...den home.

my legs? oh, they're almost broken.

met elin, lydia, evan and sweetin at dohby ghaut mrt station.. den we went to plaza sing to have lunch at kopitiam.. den after the lunch, we finally met huiyi.. den we went with her to have lunch at mos burger.. den we walked around looking at clothes.. lydia bought a sleeveless shirt which fitted her veri well!! it had a sheep in front.. it took a huge proportion of it..

den we went to another shop and looked at the tops.. wahh... 3 for the price of 2. so huiyi, me and lydia [according to age and height] chose 3 tops. lydia and me chose long sleeve while huiyi bought a short sleeve.. and you know wad? black is the colour. haha, all three of us chose black unknowingly.. i love mine! even though it's low cut until can see cleavage, i like it! i finally have a long sleeve blouse!! actually, this is the first time i buy clothes with frens.. hehe..

haha, here are some pics we took!!

spring clean-ed

yeh.. just got home. no, i didnt go anywhere beyond the premises of my block.

you see, my room used to have two adjoined single beds. and since im the sole tenant of the room, i use the two beds. the bed closer to my study desk is used as my second study desk with lotsa cushion, while i sleep on the other bed. but it feels kinda eerie that no human is sleeping on that empty bed. i always have the feeling that someone's sleeping beside me when there's actually none.. so i sometimes do get cold feet in my own cosy room.

and now, after my mother gave me another spring-cleaning lecture, i fumed up and started flinging books that i suddenly lost interest in, onto the floor. den suddenly i suggested to my mother,"why not we get rid of this unused bed?" den i explained that it's bad fengshui. but, i was thinking of getting rid of it tmw when it's daytime. but my mother preferred to do it rite now. so okae, we lifted the mattress out of my room, dismantled the wooden planks and placed them in a dark corner of my room, swept and vaccumed and mopped the floor where the bed used to be, brought the mattress all the way from the seventh floor to the fifth floor where there is the lift, carried it into the lift, brought it to the place where pple dump furniture and clapped our hands.

now, im sneezing away after so much contact with dust.

headache

dammit. everytime when im at home i have headache. that's ever since my O levels, after my case of food poisoning. after that incident, i cant tahan too much salt in my food, my ear cant take loudness [and i got a bit deaf]..

and my mother recently got listening problem. so gotta shout around the house. even the television hafta blast. and when she's talking, i cant even hear wad she's saying when the tv's switched on. and on the phone, she doesnt talk. she shouts. at home oso shout. on the car oso shout. i think one day im gonna wear ear plugs at home.

and i have been having migraines veri often. and i havent taken a single panadol. why? my mother dun lemme eat.

great, now she's scolding me for not clearing my room enough.

dunno wad title to add

heyy.. it's boxing day today, but i have no present to unwrap! so my mother told me to go clear my clothes and see which clothes are the ones that i dun want..

den when i was abt to eat my lunch, suddenly jun ming called my hp. was thinking "diao~ suddenly call me"

actually, he today gonna fly to myanmar to help the needy kids there and will be back next week. but there's a problem. no, two probs.

he scared of the parts of the flight where the plane takes off and lands. that's understandable.. budden he scared until he called me. if he calls me often, it wont seem odd. but it is the first time in sooooo many years that he calls me.. haha.. normally in sec skool, we will write letters to each other with lorraine as our messenger [thank you, lorraine!! love ya!].. den now, not in the same skool, so we can only keep in contact via internet by IM-ing and emailing..

next prob, he said that when he leaves singapore, he will miss his frens in singapore. and when he leaves myanmar, he will not bear to leave the children's sides. this part oso understandable lar.. almost all my frens have deep feelings and are emotional.. but it most probably take a lot of trust and courage to admit such a thing for a guy leh.. hehe, so i feel kinda honoured that he trusts me not to laugh at him.. haha..

but veri funny leh, he suddenly call me.. still thinking why he no call other peeps for comfort..

and i suddenly wonder, why he until now still dun have gf? must ask him that when he gets back.. budden you peeps must remind me to ask him!!

yesterday got flood at jurong

hehe.. it rained heavily yesterday.. so when i was in my bro's car home, the monsoon drain was flooded, so flooded until the water overflowed into the roads and all the cars looked like they were tortoises crawling thru the water..

aiyar, no mood to blog le

haha, i looked kinda shocked in this pic cos june was standing there gonna take my candid pic when i noticed and looked up.. haha..

oh, this was taken yesterday at plaza singapura.. we were taking neoprints adn they decided to take photo inside that booth.. haha.. diao~ rite??

jurong point

went jp today to meet my sis, the one who will pay for some of my clothes. haha

budden my mother made me leave earlier than expected cos she wanted me to sit my bro's car to jp in the midst of sending and fetching my parents at jurong west.. save some bus fare liddat.. so in the end, i waited for an hour for my sis to meet me while i walked around the entire mall.. i walked round and round the place..

ooh, and by the way, i finally bought planetshakers' EVERMORE!! happy happy happy! it's NICE, just like me! haha

den i went to the value shop and it looked scary. you see pple scurrying here and there and some standing there looking at the stuff as if they were statues.. and the scariest thing that could happen at the time is when one of those statues steps backwards when you were just walking past and she just steps straight down on your toes [when you're wearing slippers and she's wearing stilts.. that's the worst case scenario].. it's OW~

then i went to all the gift shops at third level, den i oso went to comic connections and looked around for chrno crusade and inuyasha.. seems like chrno's not as popular as inuyasha and inuyasha's not as popular as naruto. couldnt find chrno at all... disappointed.. how can such a beautiful story be foregone?? haiz.. *shakes head*

den when i was looking at some socks that cant even reach your ankles [i love that type of socks now!! so airy!! and comfy!! and dun you feel like you came from 20 years ago if you wear those high socks!?], she called and said that she's reaching the place from her house [she lives amongst the hdb blocks opposite jp] and suggested having lunch at swensen's.. to me, it's breakfast cos i havent had a single bite ever since i woke up at ten.. and by the time she actually reached the place, it was 2pm. hehe, den i stand at the entrance of swenson's like a dumbo.. oh, and when i was making my way from the 3rd level to the ground level, there was a whole contingent of NSmen two by two going towards the escalator which i was heading to and there were a few who were oredi on the escalator.. and since i cant possibly wait for the whole contingent to disappear, i cut into their line and man i felt awkward. you know the feeling of having alot of bodyguards surrounding you and that all of them just came from a game of soccer? it stank. and i felt trapped..

den at swenson's, i had terriyaki chicken pasta.. den after that we moved on to buy my new clothes at giordano.. was thinking of simply buying a couple of blouses when i suddenly bought one orange and one pink polo t, one blue t-shirt and another shirt from OP.. i think i've fallen in love with OP.. i love the shirt i bought from there!! hehe.
and at giordano, i spotted one of my innova classmates working there as salesgirl!! budden we not veri close lar.. so we didnt really tok..

den we went to toys'r'us cos i wanted to say hi to wanru.. and yea, i finally found her.. out of 3 attempts, i finally found her for once.. budden she was busy since it's peak season, so we oso didnt tok much.. haha..

den we went around and around until my father called to tell us that my bro was fetching us.. aiyar, after that it was a long and irritating story that i dun wanna relate le.. so tiring..

yea, i got to eat log cake!!! dun remember eating it b4.. hehe.. too long a time that we hadnt eaten log cake..

CELEBRATE PPLE!!

IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY TMW!!!

CELEBRATE WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND SOUL!!!

YEE-HA!!

post-depression life

some may ask,

"how could depression lead to a richer spiritual life?

I can answer this question only after the fact, because in the midst of severe clinical depression I have never felt anything redeeming about it, spiritually or otherwise. But when I emerge back into life, several things become clear.

One is that the darkness did not kill me, which makes all darknesses more bearable—and since darkness is an inevitable part of the cycle of spiritual life (as it is in the cycle of natural life) this is valuable knowledge.

Two, depression has taught me that there is something in me far deeper and stronger and truer than my ego, my emotions, my intellect, or my will. All of these faculties have failed me in depression, and if they were all I had, I do not believe I would still be here to talk about the experience. Deeper down there is a soul, or true self, or "that of God in every person" that helps explain (for me, at least) where the real power of life resides.

Three, the experience of emerging from a living hell makes the rest of one's life more precious, no matter how "ordinary" it may be. To know that life is a gift, and to be grateful for that gift, are keys to a spiritual life, keys that one is handed as depression yields to new life."

--Parker Palmer, Ph.D.

me: "yea, i agree veri much with this guy. cos i suffered from depression b4 and God was the only one who brought me out of the darkness. He was the only one i trusted whote-heartedly, and He still is. all these years, i learnt to expect the worst from both situations and pple around me. but i oso learnt that God never lies; He never deceives or hide the truth from me. He's the only one whom i can truly rely on. He's the one who loves me. so all that i can do as repayment, is to love him wholeheartedly and to offer him my life, my body. i can entrust Him my past, my present and my future. it was thru everything that i've experienced that in the darkness, i saw a light and followed it ever since, knowing that it will lead me to happiness and love."

i forgot to add....

i saw huiqing and jasmine yong at ps just now!!

hehe, everybody looked surprised but i was rushing to keep up with my class clique that i could only wave hi and bye to them.. dunno who else they meeting.. dunno whether still got hang out with lp and chun kuan or not.. saw that lp's friendster account that she got bf and that she made new frens whereas i couldnt really find any recent pics of fmss peeps in her foto album.. hmmm..

moon river

"Moon river, wider than a mile,

I'm crossing you in style someday,

Oh, dream maker, you heartbreaker,

Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world,

There's such a lot of world to see,

We're after the same rainbow's end

Waitin' round the bend

My Huckleberry friend,

Moon river and me."

Lyrics by Johnny Mercer

Music composed by Henry Mancini

an extremely nice song i heard on tv.. beautiful melody.. mmmmm...

http://www.reelclassics.com/Audio_Video/Music7q/tiffanys_moonriver.mp3

narnia

http://newfunpages.com/blessed.php3

this website is nice.. nice music, nice words..

today, i went to ps! as in plaza singapura.. kept thinking that ps means parade square.. hehe..

met the gals at je mrt platform.. only to find out that cherie mistook the meeting time for 1pm when it was supposed to be 11am... haha.. den we toked all the way to ps after getting cherie to meet us at ps.. at least no waste extra time..

we den went to the highest level to buy the movie tickets for the chronicles of narnia: the witch, the lion and the wardrobe.. [wasnt expecting it to be nice, but it turned out to be veri nice.. hehe..] den we went to burger king to have lunch [but it's my breakfast combined with lunch actually].. den a few left to walk around the level while the rest waited for cherie.. den cherie came, she looked veri sick.. den she said she last night got fever, so she's still on the way to recovery.. den after that we went to look for that few while cherie kinda quarrelled with her church fren on the phone.. den after that she got quite upset..

after that we walked around and soon went up to the movie theatre to watch the movie.. den shaoqin and cherie went to buy the nachos combo cos cherie felt hungry.. den after that we went to the extreme front at the extreme left.. i was chanting "omigosh" cos it wasnt a veri nice place to watch movies.. and since the theatre was packed, we were allocated 3 seats at the first and 4 seats at the second row.. and there was one ang moh sitting beside the 3-seater and he looked kinda lonely.. den when the show started, he kept looking back and i was getting curious at wad he was looking at.. den there were a small group of teenagers at around the age of 14 who sat behind my row and they were complaining that they werent having a good view of the screen [hello!? i have a worse view, but im not complaining as excitedly as you gals!] den i guess they spotted another four empty seats in the middle row and they literally flew there.. after that, another group of pple appeared to have came late to claim their seats which the previous group had usurped, so they sat behind my row with large reluctance.. or and btw, the ang moh who was sitting in the row infront of me, he oso flew to join the flying gang by moving to the seats behind my row..

den there was this part of the movie when Azlan [i dunno how to spell his name], the lion, was sacrificed on the stone table in order to get the witch to renounce her claim of edmund's blood.. and since he was a willing sacrifice who died in place for a traitor, he was brought back to life and the stone table was broken. you know wad this scene resembles? it resembles Jesus' resurrection. Jesus died in place for us all and He was brought back to life. yea, it was after cherie told me abt the resemblance that i took note of this..

you wanna know the story of narnia?? hehe, i dun tell you. you go watch the show lar.. veri nice one!! and den when we were leaving the theatre, there was this irritating woman who said that it was a STOOPID show and that it's meant for the kids. HELLO!?!?!!! the effects are great and the story actually revolves around God! you see, peter, and edmund were the sons of adam [the one created by Him] and susan and lucy were the daughters of eve [adam's woman].. and the lion's resurrection reminds us of Jesus' holy sacrifice!! how can this be a STOOPID show when it is soooooo MEANINGFUL!? and it is NOT meant for the kids only!!! it's meant for the children of God, which means that there's no age limit! ggggrrrrrrr......... oh and btw, all the animals in the show can talk. and once peter wanted to turn the beaver into a hat for being so bossy. that scene was funny! actually, any scene with the beavers in it are humorous! haha..

eh, i shouldnt be telling you wad i saw in the movie, you go watch it. i promise, it's nice..... just like me.

i went to this site and i did this survey.. they said that...

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.
i think they're cheating. everybody they surveyed seems to be a eunuch.

go to http://www.blogthings.com/howboyishorgirlishareyouquiz/ to know whether you boy or gal.

well, i added some hands and some eyebrows and a nice big grin onto my snowman on the net.. nicer?? yea!! sooooo cute! i wanna pinch its cheeks, but i know that if i do such things on it, it will crumble at my hands..

snowie!

yea! i found a way to get the pics online!! i got a webcam my father bought sitting rite at my side as i lamented abt not being able to show you my snowman.. hehe.. put the pics up on friendster le..

here's the first one i took.. there are two more pics of mr. un-meltable snowman!

here's the second..

here's the last one!!

i made a snowman!!

yea, you must be thinking, "eunice can't possibly make a snowman in tropical singapore unless she goes to snow city."

nah-uh, i didnt even go near that blood-sucking place.. i made it at home.
you see, today is a day where the chinese pple make tang yuan!! you know those round pieces of dough soaked in sweet soup mainly made from brown sugar and pandan leaves? it's veri plain and sticky on its own.. and then i today made 38 balls of two colours: white and pink.. somehow, there's no other colour.. and we dun add those sesame paste, etc.. den i made a few small pink balls before wrapping them up with white dough and rolling them into balls.. den i even made one ball with a smiley face [pity i didnt get to eat that one..].. then there was leftover dough, so i made a "snowman" with the remaining dough!! actually, it should be called doughman.. but nvm, it looks like a snowman.. but prob is, the water content inside is too high, so it kept "melting" into one circle.. so i rolled it all over again and put it into the oven to bake.. baked for around 5 minutes when i noticed that a "snowball" placed beside it expanded into twice its actual size and exploded with a cute "pop"! so i faster took the doughman out in case it exploded or turned charcoal.. hehe.. now it has a hard skin but the bottom become a starch-like substance which reminded me of the time i made paper taels for my dead grandfather a few years ago; had to glue the paper together to burn, so we used starch to substitute as glue..

now i placed the snowman into a metal case which it fitted nicely.. veri nice!! budden i dun have a digital cam to take the pic.. can only take photos using my hp.. you want to see den ask me to show you lor... hehe

today is the day amily's father get cremated.. let's have a moment of silence here online rite now.

no need for a title this time

went for amily's father funeral this afternoon. but before that, i had to meet up with 3 gals: sheryl, amelia and wanru.. den we walked here and there to find the block where the funeral is held.. we felt awkward going there and everybody else were looking at us as if we came from outer space. den after that amily came and tok to us for a while.. she seemed okae, just that she looked veri tired and her hair quite untidy..

den after that on the way back sheryl keep hitting my butt.... sobz... kana bullied by her again.. den suddenly she say my butt veri firm.. -.-'' rite? budden after that she continue bullying me.. haiz..

den after that i met my mother at clementi interchange cos she wanted to buy the barbecued pork from the mkt there.. not ntuc super mkt.. but there are those stalls outside the wet mkt selling food..

den after that we went to trim my hair.. ahhhhhhhhhhhh, now i dun feel so hot le... the temp inside my hair was so high that i felt so uncomfortable.. now trim and thin-ed.. ahhh, wad a wonderful feeling.. cost my mother $10 sia.. budden at least no give me ugly hairstyle like the previous one i had at EC house.. was so angry with them. now got phobia of those 10 dollars 10 minutes haircuts...

hmmm.. so tired... and i dunno something, how come on my way home and that i was on the bus, a guy kept glancing at me once he stopped toking to his frens? den i was soooo sleepy at that time i almost fell asleep, so i didnt care much abt the looking.. wad i want to know is, why he look at me? do i look weird?

hehe, i veri sensitive abt such incidents cos i kinda feel inferior.. have been feeling inferior ever since sec1. and as for those who had been my classmates since sec 1 to 4, you know wad im toking abt cos you were part of my "wonderful" experience.

dreamssss

i did a veri bad thing this morning.

i dreamt that something bad happened to lydia.

i dreamt that she left.

veri bad rite???

so i cried in my sleep.

it seemed all so real. heh, when did dreams seem unreal?

and den suddenly, im in Giant shopping my guts out. okae, not really my guts come out but it's a wild type of shopping.

do you love and hate her?

i do. i love my mother. but there are some parts of her that i hate.

i hate the way she discourages me. i hate her negativity. i hate the way she thinks and the way she sees things. she never saw the beauty of life cos she was never given the chance to. but that does not give her the reason for hurting me with her words. they may say that environment influenced her. well, i say that pple can influence their environment. humans arent created to be led by the nose.

squeezing a compliment or encouragement is difficult for me. for this whole day, for example, she expressed disappointment in me thrice. i've had enough.

okae, maybe im being influenced by my auntie visit such that i get so irritable for this whole week.

still, my mother is considered as a simple woman. she just wants her children to lead life happily and that she knows that she cannot depend on her children when they grow up. look at my bro!

he never gives her allowance on time, he didnt even give a single cent for november. and he is working. and he is spending all his money on his galfren and his bikes. and once he gets home, he immediately keeps the computer on for as long as he is at home, irregardless of whether or not that he sleeping, and the aircon is oso switched on the minute he steps into his bedroom. hello!? does he know how to save electricity? and you know wad he say? "only a lil electricity consumption, nvm lar." hello!? accumulate every small lil thing and you get a MOUNTAIN.

and she fusses over us, her children. but the way she fuss over us make me pity her a lot. her son ignores her totally when she is being totally concerned abt him. she showers him with attention. me? she showers me with criticisms. but im fine with that. im fine with the fact that every time she criticises me, my heart aches. you know how much it hurts when she repeatedly said that she hates me? and it seems that nothing i do is correct.

HAIZ.

she has simple wishes, but that is wad makes it difficult in singapore, in the world.

HAIZ.

hehe

just came here to say that.....lydia bought me a christmas present!!! ermmmm, she just gave me the money for me to buy a linkin park's cd.. hehe.. counted as present lar!

i sooooooo like the cd!!!! the songs are sooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice!!!! you could have seen how my eyes sparkled and how i drooled over those cds.. hehe..

going to great world

yea, went out with elin, lorraine and wormy today.. wormy = lydia [since she put her name as wormy in my hp contact list, i shall call her wormy]

went to clementi to meet lorraine.. meanwhile, i bought a copy of today's new paper to read abt his death... den i was standing there crying at the bus interchange while reading the paper.. must have looked odd..

den lydia called to say that her father fetching us to great world cos gotta walk a veri long way to great world from the bus stop at bb hq.. den elin reached great world last.. den we walked around before going for lunch at the hawker centre opp the GWC.. we shared our food amazingly.. and we didnt manage to finish the food though.. den we went to watch harry potter and the goblet of fire [again].. den we kept going to the pet shop there.. the dwarf hamsters there are soooooooo cute!!! hehe, lorraine took a photo of a group of hamsters sleeping on top of each other..

den by the time we left the place it was around 6.50 le.. took us a long time to find a bus stop.. in the end we took the no.51 bus, intending to drop halfway down the road.. den when we were on the bus, we sat at the four-seater at the front which makes us look face-to-face with the peeps opposite us.. so we were yakking and yakking and yakking when i noticed someone looking at us.. he's an indian sitting opposite us.. kinda feel flattered that we have grabbed his attention, but was kinda feeling uncomfortable.. so i decided to ignore him and continue yakking.. haha.. den i look at him again, den that time he was facing down den his eyes suddenly looked at me leh.. den i was thinking,"opps, im caught." haha.. wah, how come indians' eye lashes so long? im so jealous.. haha, den we were toking and toking until we reached lydia's stop, where she alighted and the remaining two of us were trying to decide where to get down.. den we noticed that we were at the queenstown mrt station bus stop, so we decided to take mrt home.. i can walk home from chinese garden, so im fine.. den we scurried down the bus.. and man was i relieved, cannot tahan pple staring at me.. hehe.. den i discussed it with lorraine, she oso noticed that he was looking at us when we were toking on the bus..

den on the mrt, she dropped at je while i dropped at cg. den when i was leaving the mrt station, i was confronted by two middle-aged women who were kinda lost.. then i brought them to the cc where i tot they wanted to go to... budden i noticed that there was something amiss.. they were going for a dinner organised by either the rc or the cc.. rc and cc got a BIG difference. and i heard them say "cc".. so i pointed them the way to the cc. and the rc is at my flat's void deck... and note the dinner part. when i reached my flat's void deck, i notice that they were preparing themselves for a dinner thingy too!? den oops, i gave the wrong directions! budden by that time we were too far apart form each other for me to chase them and bring them to the actual place.. oh my... dunno whether they managed to reach the dinner in the end or not.. but i did point them a bus stop where they can take a bus to je mrt station and go home.. so at least when they cannot find the palce den can go straight home lor.. haiz

im tired.

for amily

dear gal,

im sorry to know abt his death and i know there's nothing i can do that will make you feel better. but pls, don't be sad for too long a time. it's not good for health, not good for anyone. you are allowed to feel sad but remember, he's with Him now. he's on his way to eternal life. you'll join him soon; you'll see him soon.

well, i dont know wad else to say besides i am veri sorry abt wad had happened to you.

sorry.

Why does God let bad things happen in the world?

okae, again if you can't read the title, it reads:

Why does God let bad things happen in the world?

This question is probably as old as religion itself. It is a stumbling block for some of us, and for many more at given moments of tragedy. There are as many answers to this question as there are people who care to engage in theological dialogue. One understanding is that yes, God allows "bad" things to happen; God does not cause them to happen.

Most "bad" things which happen do so because God gives a radical freedom to God's people; we are free people, not puppets on a string. But God does not cause "bad" things to happen. God loves us and grieves with us in our pain when "bad things" happen.

Therefore, we might best respond by saying that God does not Will "bad" things to happen in life. Rather, "bad" things happen in the freedom that comes with the gift of life. When "bad" things happen to any of God's children, God is grieved and suffers with us, experienced most vividly in the hurt and suffering of Jesus the Christ for all humanity. Any "bad" thing which happens is never the last word. Rather, God is the deepest and last word, and that word is love and eternal life with God.

--The Rev. Dr. Douglass M. Bailey

Like so many people, I have struggled with this question as it pertains to my own life and the lives of others. Only by coming to terms over time with something terribly sad in my life have I come to understand the role God plays when human tragedies occur.
I now feel that my God does not send bad things to punish us or test us. In fact, God does not send them at all. Rather I sense that there are powerful forces loose in the world, forces like evil, disease and death.

What is God's role in all this turmoil? If God is not sending the disease, the accidents, the tragedies, then why not, Zeus-like, step in and prevent them? For me, this is a harder question.

The experience of the individual cries so clearly for divine intervention, for healing, for salvation from emotional or physical pain. Although sometimes miraculous healings do occur which suggest the presence of the Divine, in my experience there generally is not much physical intervention.

However, the "intervention" I have experienced has been as powerful as anything physical. I have grown certain that God actually mourns these horrible events with us, that God is as sad, even more so, about what is happening to me as I am. God's role, I have felt, is to be "by my side," to understand me, to comfort me, to "lead me beside still waters... [and] restore my soul" (from Psalm 23) in the metaphorical "Valley of Death" which I face, as does every other person in the world. Finally, and most importantly, God's role is to help me heal on a daily basis- help me collect the pieces broken by experience- help me become Whole again, Whole as I was intended and created to be from the beginning by this loving God.

--Elizabeth

In a class I was attending recently, my rector said (and I paraphrase) that faith is not an insurance policy, but a blanket of assurance that God will be with us no matter what we encounter. He also said-in response to someone's claim that the death of a baby must have been the Will of God-that when our hearts break, God's heart breaks also.

God would never wish harm on any one of His beloved children. He is always there with us, holding us in our deepest sorrows as well as our wildest joys. I believe that, but I have not always believed this way. I have drawn much comfort, reassurance and a growing sense of peace from these two thoughts. Until recently, I believed, on some level, that when something bad happened to me (or to anyone) somehow I had done something wrong, and I was being punished. Call it karma, bad luck or "making my bed."

Now as a result of my growing understanding of the grace of God, I am recreating my beliefs out of the idea that God is always beside me, and loves me, and wishes me to know love without limits and community without end. No matter what. He never wishes any harm to visit me. Or, to borrow the essence of another of Doug's teachings, God loves me as though I am the only child in the world for God to love. The "me" is really "we" here, but first I have to know the unlimited and unconditional nature of God for myself. Only then can I be a witness to it in others. I now know, without a doubt, that my God never wishes bad in the world. Not for me. Not for anyone.

--Robbin

I have heard some people say that all the bad things that happen in the world prove that God does not exist. How could there be a God, they wonder, who allows so much evil to take place? I would answer these people by assuring them that God does exist and He deeply cares about His children. He cares so much, in fact, that He suffered crucifixion and death so that we might truly live.

I believe suffering results from our separation from God. He is holy, all-powerful, all-loving, all that is good. Each day I find myself doing things that move me away from Him. Every time I sin, the world becomes a little bit worse. I can do no good thing apart from God. The more I separate myself from Him, the more likely I am to cause someone else harm or pain.

To me Christianity is about God seeking us out, calling us back to him. In this life, we are separated from Him, so there will be suffering. However, if we use this precious gift of life to answer His call, He will deliver us into an eternity of peace. He has given us a choice, but most of us choose to reject Him.

--Nick

erm, my logic is more simple. God let bad things happen in the world so that we will be motivated to firstly, make the bad things turn right, and secondly, so that we can take note of

the good things happening to us such that we become grateful.

bad things make us grow. you know, as in those stinky fertilisers? they are good for the plants rite? but im not saying that bad things are good, it's just that they reap better things from us.

omg, im so into gardening suddenly.

--eunice

What is the significance of the cross and the crucifixion of Jesus?

okae, if you can't read the title, it reads:

What is the significance of the cross and the crucifixion of Jesus?

First of all, I see the cross of Jesus as having a political meaning. Jesus was executed by the authorities, and if we ask why, the most persuasive historical explanation is because of Jesus' passion for the Kingdom of God, which involved him in radical criticism of the domination system of his day. The domination system killed him. On the one hand, the cross tells us what domination systems oftentimes do to those who oppose them. It tells us about the typical behavior of empires.

The cross in the New Testament also has a more personal and individual meaning as a symbol or an image for the path of transformation, for what it means to follow Jesus. It means to die and rise with Christ. We find this in Paul. "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." The cross there is an image for that path of spiritual and psychological transformation that leads to a new identity and way of being.

Then there's the cross as the once and for all sacrifice for sin. If we literalize that language, as … much of conventional Christianity has done, the only way God can forgive sins is if adequate sacrifice is offered: Somebody has got to be punished, and that person is Jesus. Also only those people who know and believe in that story can be saved. Thus, literalizing that language is a slur on the character of God. If you see Jesus' death as part of the divine plan, as part of the will of God, that suggests that God required the suffering of this immeasurably great man. It is never the will of God that an innocent person be crucified, and to suggest that is to suggest something horrible about God. If, on the other hand, we understand the language of Jesus’s being the sacrifice for sin as a post-Easter interpretation of his death that emerges within the early Christian community, we can then see that, metaphorically, it's a proclamation of radical grace.

The connection is this: If Jesus is the once and for all sacrifice for sin, understood metaphorically now, it means that God has already taken care of whatever it is that we think separates us from God. It means that God accepts us just as we are and that the Christian life is not about getting right with God. God's already taken care of that. The Christian life becomes about something else, namely, living within this framework of radical trust in God and relationship to God that makes possible our transformation, and, ideally and ultimately, the transformation of the world.

- Dr Marcus Borg

i dream and my aunt

hey.. last night, i had an interesting dream.

i had a panda as my house pet.. cool rite? i remember that it's a young panda, almost as big as a two-year-old human.. but it's veri cute! i like to carry it around.. and once, it even opened my cupboard abd chewed on some of my stationery.. den i chased it out of my room.. i still remember touching its fur.. veri nice, but abit coarse.. and it feels warm, comforting.. and it likes to growl.. but one day, i said that it's getting too big for me to hold, too big for me to take care of it anymore.. den the next day, it's gone. my mind told me that my mother had given it away. and in front of me was one white mice with tail and a white dwarf hamster.. den i put the two together to see if they would fight, budden i quickly separated them again.. den i woke up.

and you know wad? my auntie finally visited me! it's been months since i saw her!
she came at two sharp sia.... budden now i super tired from her visit le.. gtg and take a break.. tata!

my death wish

my death wish:

please compile book of my blog entries when i die. i wanna let my family know who i really am.

no, i am not contemplating suicide, yet. just so happened that i was reading the "digital life" section of straits times newspaper when i stumbled upon the news of the death of a fellow blogger whom i never know or heard of until she died. the articles touched me at the nding part.

".....Ms Goh, 28, had been "missing" from her blog Idle Days which she updated at least weekly and where she frequently chatted with her online friends.

Her last entry, dated OCt 27, said simply: "i may have dengue."

Then she disappeared.

Worried, her blog buddies took turns to call her, text her and even posted an online message for her to ocntact them if she saw it.

Finally, their mobile phones beeped -- a message. Only, it wasn't her. It was her sister saying Ms Goh had died."

the last statement was short and "sweet". but that statement made me cry. imagine you were expecting your fren to sms you saying that she was fine, but the message read,"she died."

that's similar to a boulder suddenly falling from the sky and onto your heart, shattering it to pieces. well, figuratively.

and so now, the team of editors at Tommorrow.SG has decided to set up a fund to continue upkeeping idledays.net...the fund will oso be used to publish a book comprising her blog entries for her family and loved ones. oh, i forgot to say that Sondra Goh was a founding editor of blogging bulletin Tomorrow.sg and an active organiser of blog community activities. She died of a rare blood disease known as thrombotic thrombocytopenic prupura, TTP; it's "almost universally fatal" if the patient does not receive intensive bloog plasma exchange quickly.

ermmm, regarding the money used to publish my book of entries, can use the money from my piggy bank?

tata

hmmm... you know wad? i forgot wad i wanted to blog.

lemme recall...


ah yes. i finally got hold of darren and guess wad he said when i asked him when he was comin back to singapore. and guess wad? he had oredi came back to singapore. and he came back last nite. ha.


and i just watched "lion king".. watched until the part scar plotted to kill mustafa and simba den i fast forward the whole scene.. den when it came to the part when simba was tricked into scar's plot, i stopped the whole vcd and off-ed the tv. somehow, i dun like such things.. but these things do spice up our lives, don't they? haiZ.. the ironies of life. when everything goes too well and peaceful, we desire for challenges and excitement, and when the excitement goes overboard, we whine and cry "stop". haiz.. maybe it's just me thinking of such things.. but it never happened to me that i wanna cry "stop".

haiz, nowadays my entries are getting shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter.... bcos i got nothing much to report.. and wait till skool reopens, you'll never see me here again until the As are over. *sob*

i'll miss blogging so much. muark! *kiss screen*

gtg now.. *muark* tata..

hey. you know what i dun really like about living in a HDB flat? there's no privacy, except when you either in the toilet or in the storeroom.

you see, in my room, there's one window. but that's enough. and last night around 3.30am, i couldnt sleep and i suddenly wanted to do some clothes-matching! and how to see that the clothes match me? i gotta wear it! so, i changed here and there..

suddenly, when i was looking into the mirror to see myself, i saw something flash at my window. i turned around. nothing. i den dismissed that flash as hallucination. den i spotted another flash of light from the HDB block behind me. you know those flashes from cameras? yea, it's those flashes.

and at this stage, have you tot of wad happened??


somebody's taking pictures of me from that block. pervertic sia, someone like me oso can kana.


[okae, if you wish to differ, pls tell me wad else do you think it is? aliens living in HDB blocks?]

so i wanted to see which level did the flash come from.. but it was too dark, i couldnt distinguish window from wall at that point of time. so i gave up. den i looked into the space outside my window in that flash's direction and gave it an angry glare.. haha, wad could i do?

must i really have a title?

okae, the title i put up there is not my blog theme for today.. and since this blogskin dun allow me to have a blog title, you cant see it! muahahaha.. im cranky

know why im cranky today?

have been chatting to an online fren from tanzania.. he's kinda erm......nice to talk with.. cos there's nobody who's talking to me online!! he's called dennis semionod.. i used to keep spelling his name wrongly.. hehe..

hey, im sounding despo here and most probably NOBODY is hearing/seeing/listening to me whine and sulk over here..

but this online fren got something up to his sleeves.. so i am not talking much to make him meet his aim.


and elin's COMING BACK TO SINGAPORE!! i know im a lil late in announcing this news.. she told me that like, one week ago.. hehe

and darren is coming back to singapore. when? the hell if i know. we hardly tok nowadays.

wad else to tok? and i've decided, im not selling my notes le.

my father just got sacked. this december will be his last month working at that company which i dunno. they didnt even give him one month notice sia.. only gave him a half month notice.. how? cannot go out and spend much money le.. must save more money.. haizzzzzz..

great, nowadays my mother KEEP complaining and complaining abt me and my bro.

yea, she's under A LOT of stress: worrying over her son needlessly.

and everytime i do something wrong she talks. yea, she talks A LOT. she just keep talking and talking and talking. not those kind, soothing, casual talk. but those lecturing, told-you-so, im-always-correct TALK. it stresses ME out. been having headaches lately.

and just now, when HER son didnt eat his antibiotics, she broke the record of talking non-stop. and you know who she is facing when she was TALKING? she was facing ME. why me? she sounded so much like she's scolding me. GGGRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr........

i have enough of her talking for today. im gonna grab my panadol and swallow every single pill when she starts again.

christianity

heyy.. im back.. was doing my reflections when i suddenly felt like blogging wad suddenly came to my mind.

you see, i havent been baptised. i havent been to dedicated to a church.

somehow, i dun feel the need to go to churches when i can do devotion at home.. they say that the church is God's home, the place where we worship Him.. yea, i'd love to worship Him. but, is the church really His home, or the place we just gather to praise and worship? the truth is, since He created the world, everything is in His possession, so why is His home only in churches?

and btw, some may say that His home is in our hearts, which is veri true! so why do we go to church, may i ask again?

why MUST i go to church? why are there pple pressing me to go to church!? i dont like being in church. too much echoes, too many pple. i dun like crowds. i once experienced going to church with my father, but that was a chinese session cos my parents were not veri eager to wake up for a 7.30 am english procession, the chinese one is at 9.30am.. and the pastor was kinda speaking rubbish, couldnt translate his language.. and then everybody were adults, i was the only bewildered 8 yr-old kid, they just kept singing and singing songs that i dun understand.. the atmosphere was stifling.. i felt trapped more than released. so lemme summarise, i had a bad experience and that made me decide on wad church life is abt.. and you heard abt those sunday-christians.. well, i've seen one of them. that one was busy having affairs and gambling away all her money on ships and she claims that she is a christian since she goes to church every sunday. so if wad it takes to be a christian is just to keep going to church, i'd rather not be a christian.

yea, i know. i've been looking at the minority.

and i've seen many gals from gb who love God with all their hearts. and it's only during gb devotions when i felt like praising Him so much that i could cry everytime i sing "i could sing of Your love forever".. but look at the current gb!? it's in shambles and i dunno wad to do when i no longer love it like i used to. in the past, the seniors made it so pleasant to keep going back. now, the juniors dun even open up to each other. everything's changed and i dunno wad to do abt it.. i dun have the commitment to help them, im sorry. rite now, im busy with dealing with my devils yar?

and oh, the baptism part.. i would like to be baptised.. veri much. but i dun really want to be baptised as if im a sheep queuing up to be shaved while the excited, giggling tourists look on. and i started thinking, wad if my passion in Him disappears? im actually giving myself a chance to turn back and turn away from Him once i got tired of all these.. being baptised to me, is the same as signing a marriage agreement, there's no turning back. well, i dun really like divorcing.. it's once in a lifetime. and now im waiting for the legal freedom when i turn 21 that my parents cant coerce to do anything i dun like.. esp my mother.. i cant depend on my father. sorry to say such bad things abt my parents, but it's a fact.

oh and btw, there's a question i would like you to answer:
what will you do when the Lord appears rite in front of you?

as for me, i'll be so overwhelmed that i'll kneel. then when im over that, i'll stand up and give Him a reall big bear hug!!

detached

yea, if you remember, the title is the same as one of elin's past nicknames in msn messenger.. if you dunno who im toking abt, nvm..

and yea, im feeling this rite now.. i kinda feel detached from her le.. how to say leh?

you see, in her friendster account, where i can see alot of her frens, i can see that they're all those gals who dare to doll up, gals who are so unlike me.. im still the same introvert. i still dun dare to go out. i lack the self-confidence.

she definitely looks like she's leading a new life in mel.. that's absolutely great!! veri good!! she's moving on!! yea!!

but im not really moving on.. im just the same ol' me. i still dun have the strength to move on. maybe cos im still confined in the safe premises of skool timetables and procedures.. and i think that if i carry on being the same ol' me, i'll never be able to get pass university life..

i feel like im like carrie. you know who's carrie? have you been watching tv? well, lemme tell you abt the show. it's called "carrie".. carrie's the outcast of the entire skool. she was odd, she never socialises, she freaks out easily, she looks plain [i look hideous, so i win her over that point]. but she does have telekinetic powers which ended up killing the whole skool by burning them crisp on prom night. but i do not have the powers to do so.. if i have, i'll be setting up a barbecue eatery.. btw, the show's kinda nice! it's stephen king's first work to be transformed into a movie. made in 1976. wow!

i got outta point.

you may be thinking, why am i making such a fuss abt becoming an outsider in elin's life? well, i dunno. but i know that she's the first gal to make me feel important.. she's an extremely nice gal whom everybody will want as a good fren.. to me, that's all i need to want to be part of her life.. hehe..

and jasmine yip is the first gal to show me the ugliness of humans. when we were primary 3, she was the best fren.. she changed in sec2. when you know her now, you'll grow to hate her. she's a slut. a bitch. a flat-chested sucker.

i've never felt such distaste for anybody before. i miss the old jasmine.

why?

why??? why do i feel so empty now? just now i felt like i was basking in God's love after having read my daily bread and listening to josh groban's "you lift me up, so i can stand on mountains.. you raise me up through all the stormy seas.. i am strong..".. i felt so loved that i cried..

but now, now im feeling alone, empty. no will to do anything. no desire to do my duties. wad am i to do now??

btw, im still working on the econs notes stuff.. you want can tag me ab it. please! buy something from me!! i need your money!!