went to visit the dentist today..
gums were bleeding rather badly.. and it's been bleeding for almost two weeks.. makes me feel sick in the stomach whenever i see RED in the sink.... and the pain~ omg the PAIN~~~~!
tried making an appt at polyclinic.. but the earliest slot is like.........in july?! im to live with the bleeding for two months when i cant even take it for two weeks?!
and the person on the phone was like, so impolite. just shoving me the info without letting know why im getting the info..
like i want to go to jurong polyclinic.. she said she go check, and goes "okae, the earliest slot at yishun is in july."
den i was like, huh yishun? but i want jurong???
den she took a deep breath and said, "we're oredi fully booked for the next 3 months. so if you dun mind gg to other polyclinics, i can help you make the booking."
haiiiii................not service-oriented. it's information-oriented, i say.
anyway, my dental treatment cost $300. $60 for x-ray (i find my upper wisdom teeth jutting backwards, totally fascinating.. and the dentist told me that where were my eyes and nose and all those.. so amazing.) den there's the filling, 60 for each hole..
so it's oredi 240.. den another 60 for the cleaning~
okae la. the price i pay for not visiting the dentist for 6 yrs :D
den bought their toothpaste (feels nice when i brush :D i like) for $14.90.. then there's this amazing teeth mousse that cost $45!!! omg! and it's like redundant for me. oh well
oh did i mention the drilling process?
when he was doing the cavity in my molar, i didnt know that he was drilling. i tot he was scrapping and cleaning up the cavity.. den he told me to gargle my mouth. den i felt hard bits flow... and i looked. there was this circular piece of my molar!!!
den he started drilling my two upper front teeth. now that's the most painful part.
wanted to tell him to stop sia... the pain is so sharp that i was moaning and groaning as he drilled relentlessly.
den he told me to gargle.
and i took the time to feel the back of the two teeth.
OMG.
THERE'S THIS HUGE HOLE IN THE CENTER OF THE TWO TEETH!!!
i wanted to cry and scream, WAD HAVE YOU DONE TO MY TEETH!?
but i tahan. the dentist knows wad he's doing.
and he did the fugging filling. which was painful. i dunno why. but it was painful. not the sharp and sudden pain. it's sharp and prolonging. almost went crazy sia~
but after the appt.. i was kinda happy... the calculus is gone!!!! i had this two lower front teeth which were yellow-brown at the lower part.... totally ugly. i didnt like to smile and risk flashing them.
but now, they're GONE!! YIPPEE!!!!!
now just wait for the gum to grow back and reattach themselves to the teeth.. and there's still bleeding.. but a lot less :)
im happy for now.
21 April 2009
don't forget
Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me
Did you regret (Did you regret)
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget (Did you forget)
What we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don't forget
don't forget
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/19sO ]
We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won't forget
I won't forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all
And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
Please don't forget us
But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
you've forgotten
About us
(Don't Forget)
18 April 2009
somehow.... last nite when i was poking my nail.... i was kinda enjoying it :D
when the needle was glowing bright orange and me promptly poking the nail.. the needle went down thru the nail as if the toe nail was jelly.. and the area around the hole sizzled and there's the sizzling and crackling sound of burnt flesh.. and i smelt burnt flesh.. onli a lil before it was gone.
damn it felt gd.
makes me feel alive. somehow.
been living my days like there's no tomorrow. the eunice of the past has died. wad's left is inferiority, boredom and the feeling of disgust towards marriage and relationship.
no wonder i felt intrigued during my law lecture abt relationship breakdowns and pre-nup agreements. heh.
i'll never believe in marriages ever again. love does not mean forever. love is degrading.
when the needle was glowing bright orange and me promptly poking the nail.. the needle went down thru the nail as if the toe nail was jelly.. and the area around the hole sizzled and there's the sizzling and crackling sound of burnt flesh.. and i smelt burnt flesh.. onli a lil before it was gone.
damn it felt gd.
makes me feel alive. somehow.
been living my days like there's no tomorrow. the eunice of the past has died. wad's left is inferiority, boredom and the feeling of disgust towards marriage and relationship.
no wonder i felt intrigued during my law lecture abt relationship breakdowns and pre-nup agreements. heh.
i'll never believe in marriages ever again. love does not mean forever. love is degrading.
ever tot of how a man has an affair outside?
why would he do that? what does he feel towards his wife? how does he do all those without feeling the guilt?
my fren said,
"i married a woman, who wasnt the woman i tot i married."
wad does he mean?
well.. gf and wife - two different things. gf is all lovey dovey, being sweet and caring with the "i-love-you-deep-deep-long-long"..
but when she becomes THE WIFE, she will go "hey, we're MARRIED.. there's no need for the effort to do those stuff anymore."
and he was gg, dun you say that you will not be like that in the future. pple always go into self-denial when it comes to exposing the not-so-good future..
but i know exactly how that happened and that it will definitely happen for lotsa gals out there, esp in sg. singaporeans are just not THAT romantic to stay in LURVE~
but so what if she became someone you didnt wish for? is that the reason why you look for other gals, to experience that bgr feeling again?
or issit cos you feel lonely and justified?
somehow, i pity such men.. and sometimes i find these men utterly disgusting.
depends on how hansum he is, or how related he is to me :D
i dunno, i can identify with situations of extra-marital affair cos i've experienced it. i've met married men, divorced ones, etc.. including my father, that is.
dunno la. just caught in between. should i condemn such men? i think not.
cos it's actually understandable that dicks want to fuck multiple pussies, and pussies wanna get screwed by multiple dicks. that's primal instinct. but social norms make it sound unholy. that's all.
why would he do that? what does he feel towards his wife? how does he do all those without feeling the guilt?
my fren said,
"i married a woman, who wasnt the woman i tot i married."
wad does he mean?
well.. gf and wife - two different things. gf is all lovey dovey, being sweet and caring with the "i-love-you-deep-deep-long-long"..
but when she becomes THE WIFE, she will go "hey, we're MARRIED.. there's no need for the effort to do those stuff anymore."
and he was gg, dun you say that you will not be like that in the future. pple always go into self-denial when it comes to exposing the not-so-good future..
but i know exactly how that happened and that it will definitely happen for lotsa gals out there, esp in sg. singaporeans are just not THAT romantic to stay in LURVE~
but so what if she became someone you didnt wish for? is that the reason why you look for other gals, to experience that bgr feeling again?
or issit cos you feel lonely and justified?
somehow, i pity such men.. and sometimes i find these men utterly disgusting.
depends on how hansum he is, or how related he is to me :D
i dunno, i can identify with situations of extra-marital affair cos i've experienced it. i've met married men, divorced ones, etc.. including my father, that is.
dunno la. just caught in between. should i condemn such men? i think not.
cos it's actually understandable that dicks want to fuck multiple pussies, and pussies wanna get screwed by multiple dicks. that's primal instinct. but social norms make it sound unholy. that's all.
rmb my big toe?
yes. there was a lot of blood trapped inside sia.... so blue-blackish.... and i saw this Q&A thingy online:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070827165515AADn5mo
which is sooooooooo relevant!!
den i tried the "best answer", heated a needle till it got bright orange and i faster POKE!!!!
aiya, not deep enough before the needle cooled down..
den it couldnt be used again.. so i got another one...........POKE!!!!
den WHOOSH!! blood flows like nobody's biz.. but still got a big plack patch there.. so i poke more.. but somehow, cannot poke and get the same result....
so i went back to the same hole which bled a river and PRESSED down on the nail.
PAINFUL, BUT WORTH IT.
more blood flowed out.. as in more
den i pressed all around the nail.. and the blood flowed out thru that hole..
damn, i feel like im milking a cow. a bloody small one.
yes there's a hole :D
17 April 2009
--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
--Guys don't really have final decisions.
--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
--Guys like femininity not feebleness.
--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.
--We don't like girls who are too skinny.
--We love it when girls talk about there boobs.
--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....
--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours...
--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..
--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...
--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.
--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
--Guys don't really have final decisions.
--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
--Guys like femininity not feebleness.
--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.
--We don't like girls who are too skinny.
--We love it when girls talk about there boobs.
--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....
--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours...
--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..
--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...
--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.
--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
Almost Over You
Sheena Easton
ALMOST OVER YOU - SHEENA EASTON
I saw an old friend of our today
She asked about you and I didn't quite know what to say
Heard you've been makin' the rounds round here
While I've been tryin' to make the tears disappear
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart
For you leavin' come easy but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm lettin' you go
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
I can forgive you and soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams
You took the love that you wanted and left me the misery
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
Sheena Easton
ALMOST OVER YOU - SHEENA EASTON
I saw an old friend of our today
She asked about you and I didn't quite know what to say
Heard you've been makin' the rounds round here
While I've been tryin' to make the tears disappear
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart
For you leavin' come easy but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm lettin' you go
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
I can forgive you and soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams
You took the love that you wanted and left me the misery
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
recently, i got this email after i posted an advertisement asking for temp job assignments.
"hello,
my name is vera,i am a girl of 23yres old.i am single and never married.i came across your profile today at singapore.gumtree.sg and became interested in you.i will like us to know much better if you dont mind,please i will wait for your reply at my private mail box so that i can send you my picture and more about my selve.waiting to hear from you"
so i replied, "im a gal!"
and i got
"hello dear
I am more than happy in your reply to my mail.How is your day?.Mine was hot over here in Dakar senegal. My name is vera mabar (23) single and never married, i am from Liberia in West Africa and presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country. My late father Dr Andrew mabar was chairman managing director Andrew'S INDUSTRIAL COMPANY LTD, in Monrovia and he is also the personal advicer to the former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning killing my mother and my father. It was only me that is alive now and i managed to make My way to near by country Senegal where i am living now as a refugee. i am looking for a man who is caring loving and honest with tender hearted. I would like to know more about you. Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Yours vera,"
and i replied, "you're dumb."
and i got this back,
"Dearest,
I am more than happy in your reply to my mail this morning. How is your day?.
Mine is a little bit hot over here in Dakar Senegal.In this camp we are only allowed to go out only on mondays and fridays of the weeks.It's just like one staying in the prison and i hope by Gods grace i will come out here soon. I don't have any brother,sister or relatives now whom i can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war the only person i have now is Rev marthin Anthony who is the pastor of the (Christ The king Church) here in the camp he has been very nice to me since i came here but i am not living with him rather i am leaving in the women's hostel because the camp have two hostels one for men the other for women.The Pastors Tel number is (00221-768422830 ) i want you to call me, if you call and tell him that you want to speak with me he will send for me in the hostel. As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilledge to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country.I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first year before the traggic incident that lead to my being in this situation now .Please listen to this,i have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which i will send to you latter,because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in Europe which he used my name as the next of kin,the amount in question is $8.6Million US Dollars. since i am too small to handle this and my present condition here in the camp cannot permit me to do the transfer on my own. So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my travelling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you.I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Revrend because he is like a father to me.. So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to yourself very secret and don't tell it to anyone for i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. i will want you to promise me that you will not tell any person? I like honest and understanding people,truthful and a man of vision,truth and hardworking. My favourite language is english and very fluently.Meanwhile i will like you to call me like i said i have alot to tell you.i will like you to send me your picture Have a nice day and think about me. Awaiting to hear from you soonest .
Yours vera."
i almost burst into laughter!!
"hello,
my name is vera,i am a girl of 23yres old.i am single and never married.i came across your profile today at singapore.gumtree.sg and became interested in you.i will like us to know much better if you dont mind,please i will wait for your reply at my private mail box so that i can send you my picture and more about my selve.waiting to hear from you"
so i replied, "im a gal!"
and i got
"hello dear
I am more than happy in your reply to my mail.How is your day?.Mine was hot over here in Dakar senegal. My name is vera mabar (23) single and never married, i am from Liberia in West Africa and presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country. My late father Dr Andrew mabar was chairman managing director Andrew'S INDUSTRIAL COMPANY LTD, in Monrovia and he is also the personal advicer to the former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning killing my mother and my father. It was only me that is alive now and i managed to make My way to near by country Senegal where i am living now as a refugee. i am looking for a man who is caring loving and honest with tender hearted. I would like to know more about you. Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Yours vera,"
and i replied, "you're dumb."
and i got this back,
"Dearest,
I am more than happy in your reply to my mail this morning. How is your day?.
Mine is a little bit hot over here in Dakar Senegal.In this camp we are only allowed to go out only on mondays and fridays of the weeks.It's just like one staying in the prison and i hope by Gods grace i will come out here soon. I don't have any brother,sister or relatives now whom i can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war the only person i have now is Rev marthin Anthony who is the pastor of the (Christ The king Church) here in the camp he has been very nice to me since i came here but i am not living with him rather i am leaving in the women's hostel because the camp have two hostels one for men the other for women.The Pastors Tel number is (00221-768422830 ) i want you to call me, if you call and tell him that you want to speak with me he will send for me in the hostel. As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilledge to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country.I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first year before the traggic incident that lead to my being in this situation now .Please listen to this,i have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which i will send to you latter,because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in Europe which he used my name as the next of kin,the amount in question is $8.6Million US Dollars. since i am too small to handle this and my present condition here in the camp cannot permit me to do the transfer on my own. So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my travelling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you.I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Revrend because he is like a father to me.. So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to yourself very secret and don't tell it to anyone for i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. i will want you to promise me that you will not tell any person? I like honest and understanding people,truthful and a man of vision,truth and hardworking. My favourite language is english and very fluently.Meanwhile i will like you to call me like i said i have alot to tell you.i will like you to send me your picture Have a nice day and think about me. Awaiting to hear from you soonest .
Yours vera."
i almost burst into laughter!!
Lady GaGa - Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)
Cherry-Cherry Boom-Boom
GaGa
Boy we've had a real good time and
I wish you the best on your way, eh
I didn't mean to hurt you
I never thought we'd fall out of place, eh eh
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something's wrong
That I miss someone
and eh, there's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) I wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
Not that I don't care about you
Just that things got so complica- eh eh
I met somebody cute and funny
Got each other and that's funny, eh eh
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something's wrong
That I miss someone
and eh, There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) I wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
(Eh, Eh)
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something's wrong
That I miss someone
and eh, There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) Wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) Wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
Cherry-Cherry boom-boom
All I can say is Eh, Eh
Cherry-Cherry Boom-Boom
GaGa
Boy we've had a real good time and
I wish you the best on your way, eh
I didn't mean to hurt you
I never thought we'd fall out of place, eh eh
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something's wrong
That I miss someone
and eh, there's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) I wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
Not that I don't care about you
Just that things got so complica- eh eh
I met somebody cute and funny
Got each other and that's funny, eh eh
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something's wrong
That I miss someone
and eh, There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) I wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
(Eh, Eh)
I have something that I love long-long
But my friends keep ah-telling me that something's wrong
That I miss someone
and eh, There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh)
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) Wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
(Eh, Eh) Wish you never looked at me that way
(Eh, Eh) There's nothing else I can say
Cherry-Cherry boom-boom
All I can say is Eh, Eh
16 April 2009
04 April 2009
you see, when one is born.. the heart and mind is pure - white
the big heart is the mind, the small heart is the core.. which is the real heart
the seed attached came from society and the surroundings
it's attached as soon as the heart is conscious
as the heart matures, the seed grows with it.. absorbing the nutrients from the heart, as well as feeding the heart the toxins of human nature
the seed's toxins aim straight for the core.. which slowly gets engulfed
innocence and purity fades away.
this is my heart.
last week, i broke down when i recalled how it felt to be resting my head on sheng's chest, it's where i felt the safest.. that's why i loved hugging him in the past. he represented the security i ached for. but oso, i lose that sense of security now and then. bcos of my inferior complex.. as well as the feeling that he never tried to understand me.
well, i didnt really tried to understand him as well.
i onli knew that if i got angry, he would get angry as well.
but those happy memories we had, i will never forget.
but it's bcos of these memories, that i will rmb the pain. and cringe. and wherever i go and get reminded abt him, i cringe even more.
but i try to brush off these feelings as soon as they creep into my heart. but i will let them take over me for that split second first. to engage into self-pity mode. den i snap out of it.
listening to the radio now, pink's singing "please don't leave me"
that was wad i thought for a long time.
but wad i know is that we wont have a future together. not a happy one, at least. cos of so many things. our circumstances, differences in opinions, etc.. the lack of trust as well..
oh well.
i hug the teddy bear to sleep every nite.
the teddy bear we made at the build-a-bear workshop.. called it shiying (his surname and mine together)
oh well.
anyway :D let's talk abt this guy... another guy............
it's sugarbro.....
yesh himmmmmm.... even though i call him sugarbro and he calls me sugarmei.... there's no hanky panky, etc.. and we never get into physical contact, unless it's him messing up my hair. or patting my head. no im not his petdog. *woof*
i realise smth. smth i think is terrible.
some of you peeps know that i had romantic feelings for him in the past.
well, it's supposed to be past.
but last sunday when i was at his hse with dasao (SB's gf) and sam (SB's buddy's lil bro)..... i felt smth familiar.
he was teasing me...... keep going "har-wo har-wo har-wo" to mimick me whenever i talk on the phone with him.. made me blush sia..
den i decided to give him his belated bday card, mustered some courage cos i didnt know how dasao would react.. luckily she was an angel and saying that my card was veri creative and that my handwriting was veri nice, etc.. and SB was being so happy, sharing it with dasao~ and den he put it on display. in his room la, not living room.. if put in living room, i sure faint.
and den he patted my head!!!! but it's brief la... compared to those he did when in his bmw (he used to send me home, so gd rite?), and once or twice infront of denise and gang! so embarrassing sia~
i know my hair is silky smooth :D yea.
den when i was abt to leave to meet another fren, he said "sugarmei, can you be a dear and help me write down the (mahjong) stats on the board?"
no choice.
"yesh sugarbwo~"
den i write write write...... write finish, want to zao oredi! den he said "erm, before you leave, can help us call for pizza?"
im like, HAIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..................................... SO TROUBLESOME.
in the end, i still called~
and when i was leaving, i said "haiyo, so mafan (troublesome in chinese)"
den he heard! and said, "huh, wad did you sayyyyyy?"
me, "ma fan."
him, "dun say until liddat la....... *pouts* no la, not ma fan la............ *acts cute*"
with his face scrunched up so cutely, my heart actually fluttered.
that fluttering feeling is not a gd sign!!!! and yes i got to the point finally.
point is, my heart fluttered for SB again. after more than 1 year.
OH GOD. HELP.
haha, silly me.
think too much liao :D
well, i didnt really tried to understand him as well.
i onli knew that if i got angry, he would get angry as well.
but those happy memories we had, i will never forget.
but it's bcos of these memories, that i will rmb the pain. and cringe. and wherever i go and get reminded abt him, i cringe even more.
but i try to brush off these feelings as soon as they creep into my heart. but i will let them take over me for that split second first. to engage into self-pity mode. den i snap out of it.
listening to the radio now, pink's singing "please don't leave me"
that was wad i thought for a long time.
but wad i know is that we wont have a future together. not a happy one, at least. cos of so many things. our circumstances, differences in opinions, etc.. the lack of trust as well..
oh well.
i hug the teddy bear to sleep every nite.
the teddy bear we made at the build-a-bear workshop.. called it shiying (his surname and mine together)
oh well.
anyway :D let's talk abt this guy... another guy............
it's sugarbro.....
yesh himmmmmm.... even though i call him sugarbro and he calls me sugarmei.... there's no hanky panky, etc.. and we never get into physical contact, unless it's him messing up my hair. or patting my head. no im not his petdog. *woof*
i realise smth. smth i think is terrible.
some of you peeps know that i had romantic feelings for him in the past.
well, it's supposed to be past.
but last sunday when i was at his hse with dasao (SB's gf) and sam (SB's buddy's lil bro)..... i felt smth familiar.
he was teasing me...... keep going "har-wo har-wo har-wo" to mimick me whenever i talk on the phone with him.. made me blush sia..
den i decided to give him his belated bday card, mustered some courage cos i didnt know how dasao would react.. luckily she was an angel and saying that my card was veri creative and that my handwriting was veri nice, etc.. and SB was being so happy, sharing it with dasao~ and den he put it on display. in his room la, not living room.. if put in living room, i sure faint.
and den he patted my head!!!! but it's brief la... compared to those he did when in his bmw (he used to send me home, so gd rite?), and once or twice infront of denise and gang! so embarrassing sia~
i know my hair is silky smooth :D yea.
den when i was abt to leave to meet another fren, he said "sugarmei, can you be a dear and help me write down the (mahjong) stats on the board?"
no choice.
"yesh sugarbwo~"
den i write write write...... write finish, want to zao oredi! den he said "erm, before you leave, can help us call for pizza?"
im like, HAIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..................................... SO TROUBLESOME.
in the end, i still called~
and when i was leaving, i said "haiyo, so mafan (troublesome in chinese)"
den he heard! and said, "huh, wad did you sayyyyyy?"
me, "ma fan."
him, "dun say until liddat la....... *pouts* no la, not ma fan la............ *acts cute*"
with his face scrunched up so cutely, my heart actually fluttered.
that fluttering feeling is not a gd sign!!!! and yes i got to the point finally.
point is, my heart fluttered for SB again. after more than 1 year.
OH GOD. HELP.
haha, silly me.
think too much liao :D
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