hey. you know what i dun really like about living in a HDB flat? there's no privacy, except when you either in the toilet or in the storeroom.

you see, in my room, there's one window. but that's enough. and last night around 3.30am, i couldnt sleep and i suddenly wanted to do some clothes-matching! and how to see that the clothes match me? i gotta wear it! so, i changed here and there..

suddenly, when i was looking into the mirror to see myself, i saw something flash at my window. i turned around. nothing. i den dismissed that flash as hallucination. den i spotted another flash of light from the HDB block behind me. you know those flashes from cameras? yea, it's those flashes.

and at this stage, have you tot of wad happened??


somebody's taking pictures of me from that block. pervertic sia, someone like me oso can kana.


[okae, if you wish to differ, pls tell me wad else do you think it is? aliens living in HDB blocks?]

so i wanted to see which level did the flash come from.. but it was too dark, i couldnt distinguish window from wall at that point of time. so i gave up. den i looked into the space outside my window in that flash's direction and gave it an angry glare.. haha, wad could i do?

must i really have a title?

okae, the title i put up there is not my blog theme for today.. and since this blogskin dun allow me to have a blog title, you cant see it! muahahaha.. im cranky

know why im cranky today?

have been chatting to an online fren from tanzania.. he's kinda erm......nice to talk with.. cos there's nobody who's talking to me online!! he's called dennis semionod.. i used to keep spelling his name wrongly.. hehe..

hey, im sounding despo here and most probably NOBODY is hearing/seeing/listening to me whine and sulk over here..

but this online fren got something up to his sleeves.. so i am not talking much to make him meet his aim.


and elin's COMING BACK TO SINGAPORE!! i know im a lil late in announcing this news.. she told me that like, one week ago.. hehe

and darren is coming back to singapore. when? the hell if i know. we hardly tok nowadays.

wad else to tok? and i've decided, im not selling my notes le.

my father just got sacked. this december will be his last month working at that company which i dunno. they didnt even give him one month notice sia.. only gave him a half month notice.. how? cannot go out and spend much money le.. must save more money.. haizzzzzz..

great, nowadays my mother KEEP complaining and complaining abt me and my bro.

yea, she's under A LOT of stress: worrying over her son needlessly.

and everytime i do something wrong she talks. yea, she talks A LOT. she just keep talking and talking and talking. not those kind, soothing, casual talk. but those lecturing, told-you-so, im-always-correct TALK. it stresses ME out. been having headaches lately.

and just now, when HER son didnt eat his antibiotics, she broke the record of talking non-stop. and you know who she is facing when she was TALKING? she was facing ME. why me? she sounded so much like she's scolding me. GGGRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr........

i have enough of her talking for today. im gonna grab my panadol and swallow every single pill when she starts again.

christianity

heyy.. im back.. was doing my reflections when i suddenly felt like blogging wad suddenly came to my mind.

you see, i havent been baptised. i havent been to dedicated to a church.

somehow, i dun feel the need to go to churches when i can do devotion at home.. they say that the church is God's home, the place where we worship Him.. yea, i'd love to worship Him. but, is the church really His home, or the place we just gather to praise and worship? the truth is, since He created the world, everything is in His possession, so why is His home only in churches?

and btw, some may say that His home is in our hearts, which is veri true! so why do we go to church, may i ask again?

why MUST i go to church? why are there pple pressing me to go to church!? i dont like being in church. too much echoes, too many pple. i dun like crowds. i once experienced going to church with my father, but that was a chinese session cos my parents were not veri eager to wake up for a 7.30 am english procession, the chinese one is at 9.30am.. and the pastor was kinda speaking rubbish, couldnt translate his language.. and then everybody were adults, i was the only bewildered 8 yr-old kid, they just kept singing and singing songs that i dun understand.. the atmosphere was stifling.. i felt trapped more than released. so lemme summarise, i had a bad experience and that made me decide on wad church life is abt.. and you heard abt those sunday-christians.. well, i've seen one of them. that one was busy having affairs and gambling away all her money on ships and she claims that she is a christian since she goes to church every sunday. so if wad it takes to be a christian is just to keep going to church, i'd rather not be a christian.

yea, i know. i've been looking at the minority.

and i've seen many gals from gb who love God with all their hearts. and it's only during gb devotions when i felt like praising Him so much that i could cry everytime i sing "i could sing of Your love forever".. but look at the current gb!? it's in shambles and i dunno wad to do when i no longer love it like i used to. in the past, the seniors made it so pleasant to keep going back. now, the juniors dun even open up to each other. everything's changed and i dunno wad to do abt it.. i dun have the commitment to help them, im sorry. rite now, im busy with dealing with my devils yar?

and oh, the baptism part.. i would like to be baptised.. veri much. but i dun really want to be baptised as if im a sheep queuing up to be shaved while the excited, giggling tourists look on. and i started thinking, wad if my passion in Him disappears? im actually giving myself a chance to turn back and turn away from Him once i got tired of all these.. being baptised to me, is the same as signing a marriage agreement, there's no turning back. well, i dun really like divorcing.. it's once in a lifetime. and now im waiting for the legal freedom when i turn 21 that my parents cant coerce to do anything i dun like.. esp my mother.. i cant depend on my father. sorry to say such bad things abt my parents, but it's a fact.

oh and btw, there's a question i would like you to answer:
what will you do when the Lord appears rite in front of you?

as for me, i'll be so overwhelmed that i'll kneel. then when im over that, i'll stand up and give Him a reall big bear hug!!

detached

yea, if you remember, the title is the same as one of elin's past nicknames in msn messenger.. if you dunno who im toking abt, nvm..

and yea, im feeling this rite now.. i kinda feel detached from her le.. how to say leh?

you see, in her friendster account, where i can see alot of her frens, i can see that they're all those gals who dare to doll up, gals who are so unlike me.. im still the same introvert. i still dun dare to go out. i lack the self-confidence.

she definitely looks like she's leading a new life in mel.. that's absolutely great!! veri good!! she's moving on!! yea!!

but im not really moving on.. im just the same ol' me. i still dun have the strength to move on. maybe cos im still confined in the safe premises of skool timetables and procedures.. and i think that if i carry on being the same ol' me, i'll never be able to get pass university life..

i feel like im like carrie. you know who's carrie? have you been watching tv? well, lemme tell you abt the show. it's called "carrie".. carrie's the outcast of the entire skool. she was odd, she never socialises, she freaks out easily, she looks plain [i look hideous, so i win her over that point]. but she does have telekinetic powers which ended up killing the whole skool by burning them crisp on prom night. but i do not have the powers to do so.. if i have, i'll be setting up a barbecue eatery.. btw, the show's kinda nice! it's stephen king's first work to be transformed into a movie. made in 1976. wow!

i got outta point.

you may be thinking, why am i making such a fuss abt becoming an outsider in elin's life? well, i dunno. but i know that she's the first gal to make me feel important.. she's an extremely nice gal whom everybody will want as a good fren.. to me, that's all i need to want to be part of her life.. hehe..

and jasmine yip is the first gal to show me the ugliness of humans. when we were primary 3, she was the best fren.. she changed in sec2. when you know her now, you'll grow to hate her. she's a slut. a bitch. a flat-chested sucker.

i've never felt such distaste for anybody before. i miss the old jasmine.

why?

why??? why do i feel so empty now? just now i felt like i was basking in God's love after having read my daily bread and listening to josh groban's "you lift me up, so i can stand on mountains.. you raise me up through all the stormy seas.. i am strong..".. i felt so loved that i cried..

but now, now im feeling alone, empty. no will to do anything. no desire to do my duties. wad am i to do now??

btw, im still working on the econs notes stuff.. you want can tag me ab it. please! buy something from me!! i need your money!!