i miss him so much.. i think.. maybe i dun miss him that much.. now, im being anxious over going to innova jc.. it's so cool.. i've oredi decided which combination to take in the science faculty.. now, im brushing up my maths even further to get ready for maths c.. haiz.. gotta have <14 to study four subjects.. but nvm, i've seen the fmaths syllabus.. i think i'll juz stick to maths c alone.. heehee.. i've almost got ready all the birthday presents for the next year, so as to not waste time buying and wrapping them while studying.. dun wanna get distracted..

okae, i miss him.. but somehow, the image of his face is fading in my memory.. on the other hand, his name keeps appearing in my mind.. it's like "mr wee mr wee mr wee mr wee mr wee mr wee mr wee mr wee......." i think it's more like an obsession.. haha..

woo-hoo

today, im veri happy.. i am soooooo happy..

first, i managed to go to a jc.. going to Innova Junior College.. im in the first batch going there..
second, i managed to get into the science course..
third, mr wee replied my email, saying that he'll be a special assistant of a deputy director in MOE HQ.. SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSoSOSOSOSOSOOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!! he actually replied.. i wished him good luck..

uncertainty

tmw

the results for the pae admission will be coming out in less than 24 hours.. and here i am sitting here, in front of the laptop, being extremely helpless, nervous, afraid and unsure of myself.. i need to go to a jc, any jc.. i cant bear the tot of disappointing my parents.. realli.. okae, my mother.. not my parents.. cos my father dont seem to care.. cos he's overseas, [maybe] enjoying the company of his girlfriend.. dun ask me how i got to know of it.. i dun hate him, i dun detest him.. i juz feel detached from him.. it's like, he's no longer part of my life since the day he went to work overseas, since when i was primary 1.. it's been ten long years eh? but i am not angry with him.. i still love him as my father, but i oso feel that he's juz a frequent visitor to my life.. haiz............ i think i juz got out of point.. bye

unexpected

heyheyheyheyheyheyheyhey.....!! i've got the Good Progress Award!! [ or izzit the Best Progress Award?? aiyar, heck lar.. ] for the second time in my life!!! and God knows how i managed to get the award when i dun even see the progress in any of my work.. unless the skool system got something wrong.. haha..

still, i veri happy that i got the award.. S$150 leh.. got extra pocket money le.. gonna go collect the money from skool after the upcoming class chalet.. cos i can collect it during office hours after 27 Dec.. cant wait to go skool..

darn, i feel sad again..

in the past, i loved going back to fairfield for 3 reasons; first, i would never miss the chance to have a look at him.. second, i need to study for heaven's sake.. third, cos i loved the skool..

i dunnoe why i fell in love with fairfield.. maybe it's cos i've got the loyalty - been in dover for ten years - maybe cos it's my shelter.. maybe it's cos of the wonderfully dedicated teachers.. but i know the one good reason why i should hate it; i got called a "fat bitch" in there. in sec one, i got BAD hair - i know myself veri well - sec two and three were the "hell" years.. sec four was the "crying" year.. i called it as a ''crying'' year cos i cried alot.. ALOT. i cried out of pain, hurt, hatred and unwlillingness. pain = i was an outcast, hurt = my wounds from sec two and three have never healed [till now], hatred = towards everything, and unwillingness = i didnt wanna leave fairfield.. now, i still am crying, now for only one reason, i cant bear to put down all the memories and the feelings i have for mr wee..

tmw

tmw's his first day at the HQ.. wish him luck!! may he find better prospects of getting promoted and find it easier to work over there..

- fairfield is the first stepping stone of his career -

miss him much, miss you much.

help

feeling dizzy right now.. everything seems to be spinning.. i am speaking the truth..

okae, try to imagine that the one you truly love is actually kissing the love of his life, but you are not that "love os his life".. do your head suddenly feel like it's exploding into pieces? do you see nothing else except for that kiss?
if you do, welcome to my life..
actually, everything about him gives me a very bad headache. in the past the headaches would occur on my left brain.. now headaches take place on my right brain, and they are getting worse.. the only remedy, is to forget him.. but i cant seem to let go of my feelings for him, so dun even think of me forgetting him..

AHHHHH!!!! RETURN OF THE HEADACHE....
it's worse then the "return of the king" for LOTR - i hate LOTR -

i love him so much