help

feeling dizzy right now.. everything seems to be spinning.. i am speaking the truth..

okae, try to imagine that the one you truly love is actually kissing the love of his life, but you are not that "love os his life".. do your head suddenly feel like it's exploding into pieces? do you see nothing else except for that kiss?
if you do, welcome to my life..
actually, everything about him gives me a very bad headache. in the past the headaches would occur on my left brain.. now headaches take place on my right brain, and they are getting worse.. the only remedy, is to forget him.. but i cant seem to let go of my feelings for him, so dun even think of me forgetting him..

AHHHHH!!!! RETURN OF THE HEADACHE....
it's worse then the "return of the king" for LOTR - i hate LOTR -

i love him so much

transfer

my head hurts.. it hurts so much.. so does my heart.. i dunnoe why it hurts.. but i know why i feel so sad.. i cant find any other words to describe my feelings, so i can only describe my unhappiness as "sad"..

mr wee's no longer in fairfield.

he's transferred to HQ.. he will no longer be teaching, no longer be preaching in fairfield, no longer be attending exco meetings, department meetings, staff contact, morning assembly.. [phew, lucky me]

suddenly i feel disconnected from fairfield. my wires have been dislodged from their cables.. the background of fairfield deleted away from my mind. fairfield is no longer the skool i love, no longer my second home, no longer my shelter.. it's nothing to me from now on..

his departure from fairfield finally got me out of the mess of fairfield.. suddenly i am no longer looking back at memories in skool [excluding memories of him], suddenly i dun dread leaving fairfield..

suddenly, i've let go..

now, i'm happy, for two reasons..
at least, we've spent our last year in fairfield together, left together.. at least i dun have to bear the pain of not being able to see him in skool while im in skool..
at least, he's disconnected me from fairfield.
secondly, i've finally typed out wad has been bothering me, cos i cant find anybody to cry out to anymore..

all these, account to my first step of learning how to let go.

im bored

veri sian

heyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyhey............. i know nobody's watching, not reading, not bothering me in this blog.. so that's cool.. but, in the real world, nobody's free, nobody's around, nobody bothers to tok to me, go out with me, play with me, etc, etc.. haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................

i loooooove the song sung by the singapore idol finalists...

"That's What Friends are For"

And i never thought i'd feel this way
And as far as i'm concerned
I'm glad i got the chance to say
That i do believe i love you
And if i should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today,
And then if you can remember,
Keep smiling,
keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times,
I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for


I never thought i'd feel this way
Well you came and opened me
And now there's so much more i see
And so, by the way, i thank you.
And then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember
Keep smiling,
keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forevermore

That's what friends are for

been unhappy over some things...

first, elin will be flying off to melbourne on 7th january 2005. it's a month away.. after that she will probably make it back to singapore during their summer vacations.. that will be like an eternity if i intend to wait.. it'll be the class chalet on the 27th this month, but she most probably cant make it cos she has to visit her grandmother.. so God knows when we can meet again.. haiz.. so far, she's the only one whom i poured out my heart to.. i couldnt bring myself to believe the others to understand my plight and empathise with me. cos nobody around me had ever encountered my problems before.. but at least i believed elin to be a true friend.. now that she's leaving, i guess i have to find a new solution to solve my emotional problems before i suffer from depression again.. i dun wanna end up like leslie.. honestly.. it's kinda irresponsible and irrational to end your own life when your parents are the ones who granted you life.. they should be the ones deciding wad to do with you.. but still you have to be far-sighted; no problem is the end of the world. you juz gotta find a new solution..

second, i dunnoe wad happens to me after leaving fairfield.. and, i cant forget him.. yes, him.. you know who im toking abt.. how do i actually live without the presence of my crush and my friends.. everybody will be going their separate ways, away from each other, moving on with their lives and having new friends, only to forget the old ones.. pple do forget.. they do.. but they never meant to, i know.. but i dun wanna forget, i dun wanna start all over again.. starting all over again for me is difficult.. all the bullying, name-calling, friendless life comes back.. the harshness of real life is painful.. too pain for me to bear.. i dun like it cos i dun wanna experience it again.. cry again.. hurt again.. no.. i dun want that to happen to me again.. no way..

haiz, i know i have to face it. but im scared, really scared now..

luckily, God will be there.. i mean, He IS there.. haha..

heyhey

elloelloelloello....!!!!

the 'O's are OVER!!! now stressed abt how the hell am i gonna be accepted into the jc i want with 20 points!? i want acjc dammit!!! at least i know how to go there, and i can visit fairfield to visit my frens over there.. i cant bear to part with fairfield.. i dunnoe why leh.. kana called names there, and yet, i love the skool so much.. cant see the reason why some stupid fairsian purposely set up a website condemning the skool.. muz be a sec two.. you see, the sec one still blur blur abt skool, sec three still busy studying, sec four heck care.. the sec twos dun even care much abt streaming, most of those with attitude problems are from sec twos.. so, who else, but the sec twos..!?

okae, tell you wad.. my sis juz bumped the car into a pillar.. hahahahahahahahahaha. the butt there.. she hoping that my mother dun notice the bump.. hahaha.. im gloating over her misfortune......... hahahahahahahahahahaha..

gtg.. byez!!