transfer

my head hurts.. it hurts so much.. so does my heart.. i dunnoe why it hurts.. but i know why i feel so sad.. i cant find any other words to describe my feelings, so i can only describe my unhappiness as "sad"..

mr wee's no longer in fairfield.

he's transferred to HQ.. he will no longer be teaching, no longer be preaching in fairfield, no longer be attending exco meetings, department meetings, staff contact, morning assembly.. [phew, lucky me]

suddenly i feel disconnected from fairfield. my wires have been dislodged from their cables.. the background of fairfield deleted away from my mind. fairfield is no longer the skool i love, no longer my second home, no longer my shelter.. it's nothing to me from now on..

his departure from fairfield finally got me out of the mess of fairfield.. suddenly i am no longer looking back at memories in skool [excluding memories of him], suddenly i dun dread leaving fairfield..

suddenly, i've let go..

now, i'm happy, for two reasons..
at least, we've spent our last year in fairfield together, left together.. at least i dun have to bear the pain of not being able to see him in skool while im in skool..
at least, he's disconnected me from fairfield.
secondly, i've finally typed out wad has been bothering me, cos i cant find anybody to cry out to anymore..

all these, account to my first step of learning how to let go.

im bored

veri sian

heyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyhey............. i know nobody's watching, not reading, not bothering me in this blog.. so that's cool.. but, in the real world, nobody's free, nobody's around, nobody bothers to tok to me, go out with me, play with me, etc, etc.. haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................

i loooooove the song sung by the singapore idol finalists...

"That's What Friends are For"

And i never thought i'd feel this way
And as far as i'm concerned
I'm glad i got the chance to say
That i do believe i love you
And if i should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today,
And then if you can remember,
Keep smiling,
keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times,
I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for


I never thought i'd feel this way
Well you came and opened me
And now there's so much more i see
And so, by the way, i thank you.
And then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember
Keep smiling,
keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forevermore

That's what friends are for

been unhappy over some things...

first, elin will be flying off to melbourne on 7th january 2005. it's a month away.. after that she will probably make it back to singapore during their summer vacations.. that will be like an eternity if i intend to wait.. it'll be the class chalet on the 27th this month, but she most probably cant make it cos she has to visit her grandmother.. so God knows when we can meet again.. haiz.. so far, she's the only one whom i poured out my heart to.. i couldnt bring myself to believe the others to understand my plight and empathise with me. cos nobody around me had ever encountered my problems before.. but at least i believed elin to be a true friend.. now that she's leaving, i guess i have to find a new solution to solve my emotional problems before i suffer from depression again.. i dun wanna end up like leslie.. honestly.. it's kinda irresponsible and irrational to end your own life when your parents are the ones who granted you life.. they should be the ones deciding wad to do with you.. but still you have to be far-sighted; no problem is the end of the world. you juz gotta find a new solution..

second, i dunnoe wad happens to me after leaving fairfield.. and, i cant forget him.. yes, him.. you know who im toking abt.. how do i actually live without the presence of my crush and my friends.. everybody will be going their separate ways, away from each other, moving on with their lives and having new friends, only to forget the old ones.. pple do forget.. they do.. but they never meant to, i know.. but i dun wanna forget, i dun wanna start all over again.. starting all over again for me is difficult.. all the bullying, name-calling, friendless life comes back.. the harshness of real life is painful.. too pain for me to bear.. i dun like it cos i dun wanna experience it again.. cry again.. hurt again.. no.. i dun want that to happen to me again.. no way..

haiz, i know i have to face it. but im scared, really scared now..

luckily, God will be there.. i mean, He IS there.. haha..

heyhey

elloelloelloello....!!!!

the 'O's are OVER!!! now stressed abt how the hell am i gonna be accepted into the jc i want with 20 points!? i want acjc dammit!!! at least i know how to go there, and i can visit fairfield to visit my frens over there.. i cant bear to part with fairfield.. i dunnoe why leh.. kana called names there, and yet, i love the skool so much.. cant see the reason why some stupid fairsian purposely set up a website condemning the skool.. muz be a sec two.. you see, the sec one still blur blur abt skool, sec three still busy studying, sec four heck care.. the sec twos dun even care much abt streaming, most of those with attitude problems are from sec twos.. so, who else, but the sec twos..!?

okae, tell you wad.. my sis juz bumped the car into a pillar.. hahahahahahahahahaha. the butt there.. she hoping that my mother dun notice the bump.. hahaha.. im gloating over her misfortune......... hahahahahahahahahahaha..

gtg.. byez!!

taiwan suck

i will never ever wanna go to taiwan for the rest of my life.. the political system sux. the president sux. they're petty. they are childish. they call Singapore a 'tiny country the size of a piece of dried nasal mucus'. i tell them, it is juz a pile of bullshit to me.

oh man, i feel like burning dozens of taiwan flags now.. but i knoe i cant, cos it's against the law.. stupid..

the only good thing abt that them is their entertainment industry.. got 5566, toro, etc.. ha..!

hey... i juz wanna inform you pple that i probably wont be coming back to blog until it's the 22nd november [end of 'o' levels].. or maybe the 23rd, cos i may be too tired to update my blog after all the celebrating on the 22nd.. haha..
i've been feeling so down.. but still, when the day's over, i seek guidance and comfort from GOD, and man is it relaxing.. imagine juz telling Him everything you are thinking of in your heart and He listens.. He's the only one i trust now.. the only one whom i trust whole-heartedly.. the one i am not cynical of.. the one i want to depend on.. others are too hard to depend on, too difficult to trust, too busy to listen to me.. i find it hard to get them to understand, to empathise..
ah yes, i've learnt to love my enemy and i'll remember to turn the other cheek. so TIMOTHY SIM, since you've slapped me for 3 years on the same side of my cheek, i'm gonna let you slap on the other without flinching this time.. but i think i'd better get some painkillers, or else i'll die of pain and lack of dignity.. and remind me to do that, cos humans normally dont practice wad they preach.. and pple tend to have the brain of a goldfish when it comes to memory.. maybe i should read some books on neuroscience to know more about brains.. oh yes, some books on psychology too.. man, why cant i study on subjects i'm interested in!? man, im sick of dissecting guppies and frogs.. i wanna dissect bigger things!
btw, nowadays, i've been feeling dizzy, giddy, mainly cos i have low blood pressure suddenly.. imagine, i've to hold onto railings everytime i go up and down the steps.. especially in skool.. haiz.. and man, those headaches irritate me..
and since this may be my last entry for 3 months, i wanna tell you pple.. everybody's self-righteous, esp when you think you arent.. so, before you comment on how self-righteous others are, look at how you're judging them.. in the book of luke, remove the plank from your eye before offering to remove the speck of dust in your brother/sister's eye.. a hypocrite is the one who judges..