i love him i love you i love him i love you i love him i love you i love him i love you i love him i love you i love him i love you i love him i love you i love him i love you i love him i love you. i love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, too much.
please fogive me, i cant stop loving you.
i cant stop thinkin of him. i just cant stop myself from thinking of him.. cant stop being tempted to reach out and touch those beautifully captured pictures of him.. his voice resounds in my head. his eyes appears in my head when i close my eyes. i miss him so veri much. i miss knowing that he is there around me. i miss the feeling.. i miss the way he made me feel when he appears close to me.. he is one guy who can make me cry by not doing anything. haiz.. wad does all these feelings signify? i really need to know.. is infatuation like that? how can such a thing last for so long and still remain so solid and sweet? is it bcos all that i've seen of him, is his beauty? i havent seen his dark side [if he does have].. but will seeing his "ugliness" make me stop feeling for him? i really hope so, and i really hope not. i dun want this feeling to end. but i need it to end so that i can carry on in life, carry on to the next chapter of my life. i know it's tying me down.
it's one of the few strings that continue to attach me to fairfield. the other strings are snapping. my frenship with elin, lydia, lp, jasmine, etc. the relationships are straining or have been broken silently. i had not protested or even tried to mend the relationship. cos i dun bother to. i dun want to give myself more trouble. i sound selfish. but i am tired. i am tired of having frens who never cared. frens who never took life seriously. frens who never took education seriously. frens who never bothered to act as a fren. i am tired of such crap.
i am mentally and physically tired. tired of many things. fortunately, the fatigu will only exist for the time being. it comes and goes. it comes as soon as it goes. i wonder why... maybe it gets triggered by violence and loneliness. those london blasts, huangna's case, that mutilated body case. they are disgusting. the loneliness sucks away my optimism and cheerfulness and energy. i am tired. i need the sleep. the rest. but it will only come when i lie in my grave [if singapore allows pple to have graves given the limited land space..].. the eternal physical rest is far. wad abt the mental rest? are you gonna tell me to read more of the bible? that's one stoopid suggestion that is only 70% feasible. haiz.. recently, as in months ago, i started on reflections. reflections in the christian sense.. it's like, every end of the day, you read a verse and you reflect on it. you think abt it. but the prob is, i dunnoe how to get a verse out of random whn to me, the bible is a non-fiction storybook.. so i turn to the daily bread and those verses of the past years of morning devotions in singapore.. and they are really effective.. made me really understand things.. things that never came across my mind.. it is like, we know things that we know, we know that there are things we dunno, we dunno things that we know, we dunno things that we dunno.. aiyar, if you dun understand, lemme give you an example: a species of animal not yet found does not mean that that particular speices does not exist, rite?
haiz, i think i talked too much. bye.
i love christian bale's hotness.
