lost it all..

i've lost all the positive feelings i felt for my frens.

suddenly i feel disgusted by the shallowness of some of them..

suddenly i have distanced myself from them..

suddenly now i am only having shallow frenships..

suddenly i lost it all.

it all happened an hour ago. dun wanna say anything anymore abt this.. i hope i wont talk abt this anymore.. so now, im gonna let it all out.

im tired of life. tired of frenships that wont last a lifetime. tired of going to skool. tired of going home from skool. tired of waking up early. tired of sleeping late. tired of having tot so damn many nonsence. tired of everything. lost the passion. lost the zest. lost it all.

dun console me. it's no use. it never worked on me. you may think it worked a few years ago. lemme tell you now. it NEVER worked. i simply buried it into an unknown folder in my heart. maybe it's called the recycled bin. im sorry. no, that is me being polite. i dun that i've done anything wrong in telling pple the simple truth. i dun find anything wrong in letting them know wad im thinking. this is my space and i own it. you dun have to read it. you dun have to comment. this is MY blog. nobody cares rite? i dun wanna care abt you anymore. not now, not ever. i want to be in my own world. now i finally know why there are bimbos, why there are brainless pple. cos sometimes, thinking causes greater depression. so why not only look at the outside and not care abt the inside? why not just let everything pass? why not just be as shallow as anyone else so that you dun have to care much? life has enough worries and troubles.. thinking further abt life causes even more headache. im sick of everything.

btw, elin came back on saturday, not friday.


are these symptoms of depression? currently having eating disorders too..

great, i am having a relapse of depression. no, im not on drugs. and i like the kiwi sweets elin bought for me.. later im gonna eat the cheese ruffles. havent tried them.. and buying two of them brings me one free pizza thingy from pizza hut. okae, im stingy, im cheapskate, im the modern-version of the scrooge. i dun care. im fat, that i care. but this concern on my weight will expire by the end of 2006. cos no more napfa. no more weighing. no more ht-taking. no need to look down on myself.

btw, wanna go out to have a pizza meal? sms me. 9830 6422.. btw, lydia, i dun have your number ever since that bangladesh stole my hp. lemme have it as soon as you read this notice. thankyou.

oh yar, i think that bangladesh grabbed my ass b4 he stole my phone to test me. but that time i was an empty shell, my mind was elsewhere, so i didnt feel it until i started thinking an hours after that. damn him. damn myself. im stoopid.