my mother lar..
i dunnoe whether i should hate her or love her.
i hate her for making so much noise and bossing everybody around without caring.
i hate her for making a favourite out of my bro.
but i love her for the positive noise she actually brings into my life, for my life would have been more quiet with no companion
i love her for she is my mother and i cant bear to lose her. i cant imagine my life without her..
but sometimes, i really appreciate it if she is ever understanding and at peace with the world. and somehow, i dunnoe how to tell her that. i dunnoe how to let her know. i dun bother to do so anymore.. im tired. tired of everything. but im still holding onto God. so i wont let go. i wont let go of my grip. i wont let go of my life. i cant let my string snap so soon. i havent experienced the true essence of life and i havent done wad God had planned for my entire life. i cant afford to disappoint anybody. i want many pple to mourn at my funeral. i dun want the few number of pple of my current life to be at my funeral, i am greedy for a grander one.. somehow, the more you had achieved, the more you had done for yourself, your pple, your nation, the world and God, more and more pple will actually care about you living your life. c'mon, look at how grand the Pope's funeral was....!!! look at how huge leslie's funeral was. look at how pple actually grieve for someone they never knew well enough.. i want that to happen to me.
i know, im ambitious... and maybe im getting suicidal all over again. feel some depression setting into my head. i feel gloomy, alone and abandoned. may God bless me the strength to actually continue walking.. bless me the determination and the cheerfulness i once had.. bless me over and over and over and over and over and over again.. please.
