if onli it's true for me.. if onli just staring outside the window, can bring the light into my life.

you see, when one is born.. the heart and mind is pure - white

the big heart is the mind, the small heart is the core.. which is the real heart

the seed attached came from society and the surroundings

it's attached as soon as the heart is conscious

as the heart matures, the seed grows with it.. absorbing the nutrients from the heart, as well as feeding the heart the toxins of human nature

the seed's toxins aim straight for the core.. which slowly gets engulfed






innocence and purity fades away.

this is my heart.

last week, i broke down when i recalled how it felt to be resting my head on sheng's chest, it's where i felt the safest.. that's why i loved hugging him in the past. he represented the security i ached for. but oso, i lose that sense of security now and then. bcos of my inferior complex.. as well as the feeling that he never tried to understand me.

well, i didnt really tried to understand him as well.

i onli knew that if i got angry, he would get angry as well.

but those happy memories we had, i will never forget.

but it's bcos of these memories, that i will rmb the pain. and cringe. and wherever i go and get reminded abt him, i cringe even more.

but i try to brush off these feelings as soon as they creep into my heart. but i will let them take over me for that split second first. to engage into self-pity mode. den i snap out of it.

listening to the radio now, pink's singing "please don't leave me"

that was wad i thought for a long time.

but wad i know is that we wont have a future together. not a happy one, at least. cos of so many things. our circumstances, differences in opinions, etc.. the lack of trust as well..

oh well.

i hug the teddy bear to sleep every nite.
the teddy bear we made at the build-a-bear workshop.. called it shiying (his surname and mine together)

oh well.

anyway :D let's talk abt this guy... another guy............

it's sugarbro.....

yesh himmmmmm.... even though i call him sugarbro and he calls me sugarmei.... there's no hanky panky, etc.. and we never get into physical contact, unless it's him messing up my hair. or patting my head. no im not his petdog. *woof*

i realise smth. smth i think is terrible.

some of you peeps know that i had romantic feelings for him in the past.

well, it's supposed to be past.

but last sunday when i was at his hse with dasao (SB's gf) and sam (SB's buddy's lil bro)..... i felt smth familiar.

he was teasing me...... keep going "har-wo har-wo har-wo" to mimick me whenever i talk on the phone with him.. made me blush sia..

den i decided to give him his belated bday card, mustered some courage cos i didnt know how dasao would react.. luckily she was an angel and saying that my card was veri creative and that my handwriting was veri nice, etc.. and SB was being so happy, sharing it with dasao~ and den he put it on display. in his room la, not living room.. if put in living room, i sure faint.

and den he patted my head!!!! but it's brief la... compared to those he did when in his bmw (he used to send me home, so gd rite?), and once or twice infront of denise and gang! so embarrassing sia~

i know my hair is silky smooth :D yea.

den when i was abt to leave to meet another fren, he said "sugarmei, can you be a dear and help me write down the (mahjong) stats on the board?"

no choice.

"yesh sugarbwo~"

den i write write write...... write finish, want to zao oredi! den he said "erm, before you leave, can help us call for pizza?"

im like, HAIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..................................... SO TROUBLESOME.

in the end, i still called~

and when i was leaving, i said "haiyo, so mafan (troublesome in chinese)"

den he heard! and said, "huh, wad did you sayyyyyy?"

me, "ma fan."

him, "dun say until liddat la....... *pouts* no la, not ma fan la............ *acts cute*"

with his face scrunched up so cutely, my heart actually fluttered.

that fluttering feeling is not a gd sign!!!! and yes i got to the point finally.




point is, my heart fluttered for SB again. after more than 1 year.










OH GOD. HELP.

haha, silly me.

think too much liao :D

梁靜茹 - 沒有如果 (敗犬女王 主題曲)



沒有如果 - 梁靜茹
（敗犬女王主題曲）

詞／曲：嚴爵
編曲：嚴爵　朱敬然

如果我說　愛我沒有如果
錯過就過你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口　那愛是不是有一點弱

如果我說愛沒有如果　真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼 還怕什麼　快牽起我的手

有人說　世界上最遙遠的距離不是生與死
而是我就站在你面前　你卻不知道我愛你

我常說　如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到　不需要等到地球毀滅掉的那天

如果我說　愛我沒有如果
錯過就過你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口　那愛是不是有一點弱

如果我說愛沒有如果　真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼 還怕什麼　快牽起我的手

別怕太快樂　別怕失去我
Da la da la~~

《靜茹＆情歌》1月16日發行
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that person replied

"thks keep this attitude!"

yesterday, we went to pastamania AGAIN.. and we had apple crumble pizza!

nice... it's really worth the $4.20 (incl. gst) !!!

and i learnt how to put on eyeliner, even though it's not veri obvious in that pic :D

nah, can see my eyeliner oredi??
pls onli focus on my eyes. nth else. this pic is onli meant to show my eyes!~

i posted an ad requesting for a part time job on gumtree..

one of the responses came as

"pls send us ur resume with two photos. We will contact u asap"

without any salutation, no nothing. rather suspicious.

so i sent a brief resume with a slightly blur pic (cos i dun have a scanner, i took a pic of my passport photo using my hp cam sia, so it's my fault)

and that so-called HR said,

"u call this ur resume? resume without ur particular? photo without a clear face? do u know that u r given ppl a bad impression? pls re send it thks"

so i retorted and emailed back

"Please improve your English and email etiquette before you criticise people.

Besides, your method of recruitment is no better than my submission of resume."

which is the truth.

if wad i got from that "HR" is a formal email for recruiting pple, then wad i gave back is A RESUME. and the eng kinda suck. wad "u r given ppl" sia. eng totally FAILED!!

and again, no salutation, no nth.