it's actually kinda sad.
this fren of mine. he's in his mid forties, but still hale and hearty. and he looks a lot younger than his actual age - i actually guessed that he was in his early thirties when i havent got to know about his age!! heh, i still rmb how pleased he was when i guessed wrongly~
oh i sidetracked.
and then he got introduced to a pretty japanese gal who's in her late twenties, through his business client... and things progressed.
they enjoyed each other's company a lot, and nth else really mattered to them when they were together. they did things together, shared stories with each other, had debates and both parties got persuaded by each other (they were debating about whether they should have a boy or a gal, he wanted a gal she wanted a boy.. in the end, he decided to have a boy and she decided to have a gal)
he was so mesmerized by her and liked her a lot!!
more like i should say, they're veri much in love with one another.
but they are veri aware of wad obstacles lies ahead of them.
she wanted to have a family, with children.
if he had a child with her now, by the time the child reaches the age of 18, he would be well into his mid sixties.
but she told him that having children would be a bonus, and all that matters, was being with him.
fair enough.
still, i asked him smth. when they were debating whether they wanted a boy or a gal, did he feel that slight emotion of regret, knowing veri well how cruel reality can really be - it's too late for him to have a child and lead a normal parenting life.
he said, yes.
putting myself in his shoes, i feel so sad. as in really sad. given his capabilities and knowledge, he can do almost everything and anything. but he's helpless at this. cos time cannot reverse, and acts of nature cannot be ignored.
almost wanted to cry at that point of time..
AND, under the legal system, he is married.
so wad outsiders will think, is that he's having an extramarital affair, strictly speaking.
BUT he and his wife had been living separately for a looooooooooooooong time, and lived completely separate lives. they view each other as frens! and the wife is currently residing in aussie..
so logically speaking, he's living the life of a bachelor. and being veri comfortable with his currently ambiguous marital status.
and the gal doesnt mind. wad she really minds, is their CURRENT relationship together.
and i asked him, would he like to just blardee sign the divorce papers? he said, nawwwwww.......
left me speechless.
he's shared quite a lot of things about the two of them, and i really feel happy for them! but oso, that sense of regret and helplessness cannot be left ignored.
and i told him, let nature take its course la!
and he retorted, he's got no time for that.. if he were in his 20s or 30s, he could veri well let nature take its course. but he doesnt have the time.
and currently, he's partially employed, that's wad i can say.. been doing freelance work at USD250/hr. and he'll start working officially in september, after a yr-long wait since he tendered his resignation at another firm late last year.. and given his job position, he would have a lot less time for her, as compared to now.. and he was afraid that she would feel neglected.
and he's preparing himself, to let go of this relationship.
cos he didnt want to be her burden. he wouldnt want to drag her down.
he wont be able to bring her complete happiness and her wish of having a normal family would never be fulfilled.
and pple would mind the fact that he's still married - not really an issue to me..
she deserves a much more perfect life. cos according to him, she's the perfect lady.
he may be the perfect *choke* man, but he's a perfectly old man as well..
well, we do know about couples where the husband is a loooooooooooooooooooooooooot older than the wife. but there are a lot more hurdles to clear, and a lot more sacrifices to be made. he wont want her to go through all that turmoil..
and it's not like closing a book if and when he ends the relationship. both parties would be left brokenhearted. she's made an extremely deep impression on his heart. and she could be left thinking that she can never find such happiness again.
but it would do good for them in the end. maybe, maybe not.
me being in her shoes, of course she would have thought about ALL THE THINGS that he had been worrying about. and i guess she had sorted them a lil when she decided to be with him! she's prepared to make the necessary sacrifices for the relationship to work. but will it really work??
nobody knows.
this is just depressing.
