hai. in the past i hadnt had any feelings for april fools' day.. ever since leslie's jump, i will spend the whole 1st april being depressed, or in deep thoughts of life and death. i tot of how i can never live without my mother. i tot of how a colleague of whom i never got to know jumped to her death early march. i tot whether he felt at peace with himself when he finally got to the ledge to prepare to jump. i tot, "wad are they thinking the moment before they jumped?" were there onli sadness in their lives? surely there's smth worth their continued existence.

and clarice's aunt passed away yesterday, which happened to be clarice's 25th birthday.. saddening.. imagine next year on 1st april, there'll be someone unable to decide whether to celebrate or cry.. i think i will cry if it happens to me. no matter how distant the relative or fren is to me, if his or her passing happens on my birthday, i am so gonna cry every now and then.

anyway, im sleepy. i go sleep.