haha.. suddenly when im abt to blog abt wad has been in my head for days, a tot came to me.

why the hell am i wondering abt the end when the beginning havent even started?

anyway, ever since jun ming asked me THE question, i keep thinking abt our relationship..

it's kinda messy..

until now i wonder why i actually took the trouble to go all the way to his house to give him a bday surprise, alone.. in primary skool, i was closest to him.. somehow seemed that i dun have any close gal frens in primary skool.. our lives revolved around each other in those 3 years, along with some other frens who werent that close but close enough.. and the whole time i was so stupid. it was later when i found out that he had this crush on me since p5.. and i got to know the news from my other fren.. -.-''

as for me, i still do not know wad kind of feelings i have for him.. i do feel that the times we spent together in primary skool were the best.. and those times were somehow my happiest... sec skool was the start of my hellish life. and in sec skool, we drifted.. sad.. and i actually didnt realise that we had drifted apart... cos my sight and mind was onli on one fantasy. so stupid of me.

maybe i can give the 2 of us a chance?

but i dread the moment of breaking up.

it's my first time. he's a great fren.. a fren i dun wanna lose.. hai, again i am envisioning the end without a beginning. and i dunno how a bgr goes.. long phone calls at night? [omigosh, phone bills..] movies? wad else? confessions of love? i find it hard to blurt out "i love you".. i cant even imagine us hugging! hai... i have so many tots hindering my actions.. wad if he's oredi moved on? and i have to work so early and can onli leave at a time when im all shag from all the stresses of work.. how are we gonna hang out!? and wad if i accidentally fumbled and made him feel even more inferior that he graduated from ite when i wont even mean to.. [but its great that he's going to poly] i noticed how he changed from his jovial state to his introverted state when the cell group peeps and i discussed how hard jc life was when he was around.. he completely kept quiet and withdrew... but there was nth i could do except to quickly change subject..

and there are those eye candies...... how can i say yes to him and den look at other guys!?

hai... headache la.