once, there lived this short, fat and ugly gal.
she saw how slim pple ridiculed her and despised her for her ugliness. she herself never thought good of herself.
but she thought, "i think i can make them change their opinion towards me by being extra nice and hardworking! yippee!!"
so for years, she persevered and tolerated the name-callings and disgusted stares.
but one day, she broke down and found herself unable to move on anymore. she cried out, " why is it that they despise me still so strongly? how could they say such terrible things of being irritable when i was trying to be helpful and that i got treated as an outcast for something i never do? why do they continue calling me a "bitch" when i have done nothing wrong to deserve that name? when have i offended them? when will they stop looking down at me from their noses?!"
she had thought that by being extra nice and hardworking could earn merits to cancel out her demerits.
she gave up that thought.
from then on, she decided to be herself. however, when she became herself and be a lil more selfish and refused to care abt others' opinion, somehow, the suffering she once felt vanished and no longer were there stares and mockings as she no longer bothered to see or listen to wad she never wanted to hear or witness.
she became happier.
she had wasted years thinking that she could change wad pple tot of her, when all she needed to do, was to believe in being herself.
i am almost that gal. but somehow, i am still veri affected of wad pple say abt me. one word from them and i get extremely upset.
btw, today, after pe, wanru's right side of the head kana bashed violently by a basketball hit by zhi kai... and when it happened, i shouted from the shock sia.. haha.. den wanru cry for quite a while on my shoulder.. den when she finally removed her hand from her face for us to see whether her face was bleeding, her eye there was super swollen sia.. den half the face red.. den she sit for quite a while.... den zhi kai apologise around 3 times den wanru shoo-ed him away since he wasnt helping at all in lessening her pain.. in the end, she called her father to fetch her home and see doc.. den she sms-ed june to tell me and shaoqin that she's fine.. haha.. dunno whether she can make it to skool without walking into a pillar or not.. haha, jokin'.....
okae, gtg le..
tata!!!!
btw, christian bale is hottttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!
29 June 2005
27 June 2005
day one
day one, i ate a wholemeal bread for breakfast.. den for my early lunch since the skool scheduled lunch to be at 11am, i had one apple but didnt manage to finish it, cos it was too big.. den i tahan from 11.30 until 6pm without a single bite... cool sia..... budden by physics, i was getting veri eager to read my romance novel and kept reading it under the table.. haha... the gals beside me kept disturbing me abt me reading under the table..
den i went home by taking a super jerky no.187 bus... stoopid bus kept braking so abruptly... den do the common l-bend so strongly.... den when the road was clear, that guy actually SPED!!! hey, and there was a taxi which had stopped rite infront lor.... wad if crash?? i should be the first to fly out since i was the only one standing... budden i gripped onto the pole like a vise liddat, so scared he suddenly brake.. den i was enacting a scene when the bus hits a truck which was carry a small crane [the bus almost hit that bulky thing lor!!!] and i will be crouching down and hiding behind the seat infront of me to keep me from getting thrown outside or something.... den yar, he gave me the impression that he treated the bus ride as an arcade game where speeding cars can swerve so sharply and brake so suddenly.... den it's like the bus was going straight towards the crane when the driver finally swerved away at the last metre.... wah, by the time i alighted, i was soooooo relieved..... haha...
oh, and during the lesson, i felt so weak and yet soooooooo restless.. haha, something wrong with my body..
okae, gtg... got test tmw..
tata!!! christian bale is hot!
den i went home by taking a super jerky no.187 bus... stoopid bus kept braking so abruptly... den do the common l-bend so strongly.... den when the road was clear, that guy actually SPED!!! hey, and there was a taxi which had stopped rite infront lor.... wad if crash?? i should be the first to fly out since i was the only one standing... budden i gripped onto the pole like a vise liddat, so scared he suddenly brake.. den i was enacting a scene when the bus hits a truck which was carry a small crane [the bus almost hit that bulky thing lor!!!] and i will be crouching down and hiding behind the seat infront of me to keep me from getting thrown outside or something.... den yar, he gave me the impression that he treated the bus ride as an arcade game where speeding cars can swerve so sharply and brake so suddenly.... den it's like the bus was going straight towards the crane when the driver finally swerved away at the last metre.... wah, by the time i alighted, i was soooooo relieved..... haha...
oh, and during the lesson, i felt so weak and yet soooooooo restless.. haha, something wrong with my body..
okae, gtg... got test tmw..
tata!!! christian bale is hot!
26 June 2005
skool begins
ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tmw skool start le!!!!! ah!!!!! cannot stay up until 4am and sleep until 12 le!!!!!!! cry cry sob sob....... a flood of tests will be coming my way in one day..... actually, most probably less than 24 hours..... got econs, maths, physics, gp and is there chinese test??? aiyar, have chinese test or not oso nvm.... dunno wad to study oso..
hm. more than twenty days before the skool graduation service in fmss.......... and i have resolved to go on a diet. i will go on an apples-only diet.. budden my mother want me to eat her wholemeal bread every morning.. yar, those kind of bread with all kinds of seeds, no, grains and wheat.. those indigestible things.. and wad am i gonna shit out when i will only be surviving on apples!? cant expect me to purposely swallow the core just to fill up my anus rite!? and very pain when those seeds go pass your hole leh.. haha.. me getting veri crude... but it's the truth..
so, when those classmates are feasting on their rice and chicken, i will be feasting on ONE apple.. and i bet i wont be able to finish the apple when my frens have finished their plate... cos me really veri slow when it comes to eating fruits.... why? i dunno.. hehe..
hm....... okae, i go watch abit of "resident evil" for a while before i go sleep le....
tata!!!!
oh, before i go, lemme say one more thing. christian bale and batman is hot!! okae, they're actually the same person.. haha...
tmw skool start le!!!!! ah!!!!! cannot stay up until 4am and sleep until 12 le!!!!!!! cry cry sob sob....... a flood of tests will be coming my way in one day..... actually, most probably less than 24 hours..... got econs, maths, physics, gp and is there chinese test??? aiyar, have chinese test or not oso nvm.... dunno wad to study oso..
hm. more than twenty days before the skool graduation service in fmss.......... and i have resolved to go on a diet. i will go on an apples-only diet.. budden my mother want me to eat her wholemeal bread every morning.. yar, those kind of bread with all kinds of seeds, no, grains and wheat.. those indigestible things.. and wad am i gonna shit out when i will only be surviving on apples!? cant expect me to purposely swallow the core just to fill up my anus rite!? and very pain when those seeds go pass your hole leh.. haha.. me getting veri crude... but it's the truth..
so, when those classmates are feasting on their rice and chicken, i will be feasting on ONE apple.. and i bet i wont be able to finish the apple when my frens have finished their plate... cos me really veri slow when it comes to eating fruits.... why? i dunno.. hehe..
hm....... okae, i go watch abit of "resident evil" for a while before i go sleep le....
tata!!!!
oh, before i go, lemme say one more thing. christian bale and batman is hot!! okae, they're actually the same person.. haha...
learning dysfunction
you know wad? i suspect i had a type of learning dysfunction when i was young.. and somehow, i never saw the doc. my mother just thought that this faughter was plain stupid.. my father? he didnt even notice since he ws travelling around the world.
why do i think that i had a learning dysfunction in the past? cos first thing, i remember very very clearly that i failed every possible spelling tests in kindagarten. i was in k2, and that particular morning, my father taught me how to spell "durian" before leaving for his next destination at who-knows-where.. a few seconds after he taught me that word, i forgot how to spell it. yar, memory similar to a goldfish.. den after that, when i was in skool, we had a spelling test. and since i cant remember a single word, i resorted to copying the words from my classmate sitting beside me.. she spelt the word "beautiful".. i copied that word down without looking down at the exervise book. den i copied a few other wordsbefore the teacher caught me copying.. she grabbed me and shoved the book rite in my face and she "asked" me wad i was doing. den she looked at my work and asked, "wad were you writing?!" or something iddat... den i looked at my book and i found out that i had simply scribbled letters which were clumped together to resemble long words.. it was like "abedhshkj gfsdinad" something liddat... i was in shock, so i didnt reply her.. before i knew it, i was in the principal office and my mother was there.. after that, my mother and i were walking home from the kindagarten when she scolded me continuously.. den she got so angry that she puched me onto the ground.. the ground was stony.. the type of ground that is the same as the roads where cars go by yar? den she pushed me so hard that i laid flat on the ground, crying... den she simply walked away.. the rest, i was too traumatised to know wad happened next..
second, my mother just informed me that at the age of two, i still couldnt speak and had trouble doing that type of tests nurses give toddlers to examine their intellect.. den my mother continued, "you were just so stupid. soooo stupid.. ".. when she said that, she was bl**dy he** GRINNING. how can a mother be so happy that her child had a learning dysfunction and that she never noticed that maybe i needed medical attention, or maybe MORE love!? she kinda hurt me... how can a mother ignore wad her daughter needs?! how can a mother call her own child "STUPID"?!
i dunno how to continue loving her if these thoughts of injustice continue going on in my head..
haiz, maybe i should forget all these and go on, since that i dun have such a serious prob in learning now..haiz, i suddenly feel like im einstein, a person regarded as a rtd. and that my iq is 138 sia... how do i have such iq when i had a learning dysfunction?
hm... okae, i have decided to forgive her.. haha.. i shall continue going "gogo" and "gaga" over batman and christian bale.. hehe.. tata!!!!
muarkz.
why do i think that i had a learning dysfunction in the past? cos first thing, i remember very very clearly that i failed every possible spelling tests in kindagarten. i was in k2, and that particular morning, my father taught me how to spell "durian" before leaving for his next destination at who-knows-where.. a few seconds after he taught me that word, i forgot how to spell it. yar, memory similar to a goldfish.. den after that, when i was in skool, we had a spelling test. and since i cant remember a single word, i resorted to copying the words from my classmate sitting beside me.. she spelt the word "beautiful".. i copied that word down without looking down at the exervise book. den i copied a few other wordsbefore the teacher caught me copying.. she grabbed me and shoved the book rite in my face and she "asked" me wad i was doing. den she looked at my work and asked, "wad were you writing?!" or something iddat... den i looked at my book and i found out that i had simply scribbled letters which were clumped together to resemble long words.. it was like "abedhshkj gfsdinad" something liddat... i was in shock, so i didnt reply her.. before i knew it, i was in the principal office and my mother was there.. after that, my mother and i were walking home from the kindagarten when she scolded me continuously.. den she got so angry that she puched me onto the ground.. the ground was stony.. the type of ground that is the same as the roads where cars go by yar? den she pushed me so hard that i laid flat on the ground, crying... den she simply walked away.. the rest, i was too traumatised to know wad happened next..
second, my mother just informed me that at the age of two, i still couldnt speak and had trouble doing that type of tests nurses give toddlers to examine their intellect.. den my mother continued, "you were just so stupid. soooo stupid.. ".. when she said that, she was bl**dy he** GRINNING. how can a mother be so happy that her child had a learning dysfunction and that she never noticed that maybe i needed medical attention, or maybe MORE love!? she kinda hurt me... how can a mother ignore wad her daughter needs?! how can a mother call her own child "STUPID"?!
i dunno how to continue loving her if these thoughts of injustice continue going on in my head..
haiz, maybe i should forget all these and go on, since that i dun have such a serious prob in learning now..haiz, i suddenly feel like im einstein, a person regarded as a rtd. and that my iq is 138 sia... how do i have such iq when i had a learning dysfunction?
hm... okae, i have decided to forgive her.. haha.. i shall continue going "gogo" and "gaga" over batman and christian bale.. hehe.. tata!!!!
muarkz.
25 June 2005
reassessment..
okae, lemme try to reassess blog.
blog, according to blogger, is "your easy-to-use web site, where you can quickly post thoughts, interact with people, and more".. wad are they tyring to talk abt? i dunno..
hm... so can i say that blogging is a way of expressing yourself, a place where there is no restrictions to your feelings and thoughts? and for the shallow pple out there, they blog just to record down their daily boring life, complain abt the govt even though it is really counted to be real efficient, and such.. is blog the reflective journal of which everybody is entitled to use without being bound by the thoughts that the user might offend somebody?
well, to me, the blog is a reflection of my life, my thoughts, my feelings. even the archive.
the blog represents my ongoing life.
the archive represents my memories, be it pleasant or horrid.
the links relates to the fact that it is like a connection btn pple associated with me.
the tagboard comes in, when you just wanna use up the excess space in your blog.
even when it comes to settings, templates, etc, it kinda represents the foundation and your outlook of life.. eg. you can change the blogskin as and when according to your mood.
so dammit, "requesting" to be granted the privacy of a public and not-at-all-prviate blog is dsoptio.. how could you want to be removed from my life?
blog, according to blogger, is "your easy-to-use web site, where you can quickly post thoughts, interact with people, and more".. wad are they tyring to talk abt? i dunno..
hm... so can i say that blogging is a way of expressing yourself, a place where there is no restrictions to your feelings and thoughts? and for the shallow pple out there, they blog just to record down their daily boring life, complain abt the govt even though it is really counted to be real efficient, and such.. is blog the reflective journal of which everybody is entitled to use without being bound by the thoughts that the user might offend somebody?
well, to me, the blog is a reflection of my life, my thoughts, my feelings. even the archive.
the blog represents my ongoing life.
the archive represents my memories, be it pleasant or horrid.
the links relates to the fact that it is like a connection btn pple associated with me.
the tagboard comes in, when you just wanna use up the excess space in your blog.
even when it comes to settings, templates, etc, it kinda represents the foundation and your outlook of life.. eg. you can change the blogskin as and when according to your mood.
so dammit, "requesting" to be granted the privacy of a public and not-at-all-prviate blog is dsoptio.. how could you want to be removed from my life?
elin comes back!
heyhey... if you feel that this entry's vocab and grammar has weakened, it is bcos im typing in the dark since i dun wanna wake my mother up at this unearthly hour yar??
me just read finish a book and i still cant sleep... den i kept thinking of elin coming back to singapore so i decided to blog for fun... wonder how she is now? she suffering from jet lag? nah, i dun think so... only diff by a few hours wad... bet she's tired from the journey and the exam... so me dun dare to call and disturb her... hehe... okae...
got nothing much to type le.. so i go off.. eunice, OUT!
btw, christian bale is still a hottie!
me just read finish a book and i still cant sleep... den i kept thinking of elin coming back to singapore so i decided to blog for fun... wonder how she is now? she suffering from jet lag? nah, i dun think so... only diff by a few hours wad... bet she's tired from the journey and the exam... so me dun dare to call and disturb her... hehe... okae...
got nothing much to type le.. so i go off.. eunice, OUT!
btw, christian bale is still a hottie!
23 June 2005
today X
something is nagging in my head.. but i just cant seem to get it out.... maybe it's cos im getting sick... me feeling nauseous and such.... can puke anytime.. but i'll try not to do so on the laptop or any other place besides the toilet bowl....
and you know wad it was after the last O level paper that i suffered from food poisoning.. that morning, i had woken up at 4am to study for the paper.. den on an empty stomach, i drank Nescafe Mocha... i still remember.. and it was during the paper that i started feeling something at my throat.... den i felt so nauseous... budden i stubborn, sit at my seat f or the whole time and trying to concentrate on the paper... den my brain kinda refused to focus on the words... so i struggled.... after completing the paper, there was extra time.. i checked out the paper for a few times.. cos last time i no check, den got alot of careless mistakes, gotta be more kiasu.. check oredi still got time... normally, i will be sleeping on the table as the pple around me know that i like to sleep on the job.. haha.... that time when i doing the chinese paper for the Os oso fell asleep when i doing that cloze passage stuff.. haha..
den when i left the examination hall, i bad mood as expected.. den i walked straight to the toilet after meeting elin outside the hall.. but that time i couldnt puke it out.. so i gave up.. den i reach home i bath, den i slept.... den the next few days i vomit and vomit.. vomit until i saw blood, bile and water mixed together.. and my sis dun believe that i puked blood, she even asked whether i drank ribena.. haiz.. but that time when i was puking, i was kinda glad.. cos hey, i have the chance to slim down! haha.. but nah, the vomitting didnt last long enough.. haiz...
okae, i still cannot recall wad i had wanted to say just now... nvm, i'll post that thought next time when it comes to me.. tata!
and you know wad it was after the last O level paper that i suffered from food poisoning.. that morning, i had woken up at 4am to study for the paper.. den on an empty stomach, i drank Nescafe Mocha... i still remember.. and it was during the paper that i started feeling something at my throat.... den i felt so nauseous... budden i stubborn, sit at my seat f or the whole time and trying to concentrate on the paper... den my brain kinda refused to focus on the words... so i struggled.... after completing the paper, there was extra time.. i checked out the paper for a few times.. cos last time i no check, den got alot of careless mistakes, gotta be more kiasu.. check oredi still got time... normally, i will be sleeping on the table as the pple around me know that i like to sleep on the job.. haha.... that time when i doing the chinese paper for the Os oso fell asleep when i doing that cloze passage stuff.. haha..
den when i left the examination hall, i bad mood as expected.. den i walked straight to the toilet after meeting elin outside the hall.. but that time i couldnt puke it out.. so i gave up.. den i reach home i bath, den i slept.... den the next few days i vomit and vomit.. vomit until i saw blood, bile and water mixed together.. and my sis dun believe that i puked blood, she even asked whether i drank ribena.. haiz.. but that time when i was puking, i was kinda glad.. cos hey, i have the chance to slim down! haha.. but nah, the vomitting didnt last long enough.. haiz...
okae, i still cannot recall wad i had wanted to say just now... nvm, i'll post that thought next time when it comes to me.. tata!
batman batman batman! with a bit of confusion..
today, i have made certain of one thing.
"batman begins" will have sequels. two, to be exact... and christian bale will be the batma n all the way!! woohoo!!!!!!!! and you know wad? katie, tom cruise's sweetie pie, has been KICKED out of batman cos she is too "popuplar" for batman.. haha, i phrased it in a veri nice way k? den the director will find a stronger character for batman's sweetheart.... i wonder wad type of strong... that type of muscular-strong, or character-strong???
and today, i am sooooo happy to have bought all three singapore magazines which have featured "batman begins" as a coverstory, with christian bale in his batman suit.... let me name them: LIME, 8 DAYS, YOU weekly.
woohoo!! i like batman soooooooo much...
btw, while i was in the toilet, i thought about the word "fear".
from the dictionary, "fear" means to be afraid, a reason for dread or apprehension, an extreme reverence or awe, as towards a supreme power. why has fear has such two extremes in meaning?
we fear God. it means that we are in awe of Him.. but, fear also means apprehension.. we dun see God as dreadful nor are we afraid of Him rite? or is the "fear" an indication of the fact that we are afraid of Him as we believe that He has the powers to create and destroy us..? haiz, so is "fear" an appropriate word afterall? is it cos the dictionary and the rest of the Christians who preached to me to "fear" Him? our personal thoughts should not be interpreted as His words... haiz, adam and eve shouldnt have eaten those fruits, or else our lives wont be that confusing le..... haha, joking joking only... dun get offended.. these are wad i think, not wad i want you to believe... up till now, Christians have been splited into "sects" and divisions.. this i will never understand why... why is it there the spilt such that it had been led by the different beliefs about God? which is the right thinking? haiz.. why is it that when pple believe in one thing, they want to make everything seem complicated enough to further dissect that ONE belief into sooooo many other thinkings??
haiz... you dun have to answer my questions.... im oredi on the waiting list for God to answer my questions..
gtg, tata!!
christian bale is still as hot as i thought of him on saturday!!! and he's no himbo k!?
"batman begins" will have sequels. two, to be exact... and christian bale will be the batma n all the way!! woohoo!!!!!!!! and you know wad? katie, tom cruise's sweetie pie, has been KICKED out of batman cos she is too "popuplar" for batman.. haha, i phrased it in a veri nice way k? den the director will find a stronger character for batman's sweetheart.... i wonder wad type of strong... that type of muscular-strong, or character-strong???
and today, i am sooooo happy to have bought all three singapore magazines which have featured "batman begins" as a coverstory, with christian bale in his batman suit.... let me name them: LIME, 8 DAYS, YOU weekly.
woohoo!! i like batman soooooooo much...
btw, while i was in the toilet, i thought about the word "fear".
from the dictionary, "fear" means to be afraid, a reason for dread or apprehension, an extreme reverence or awe, as towards a supreme power. why has fear has such two extremes in meaning?
we fear God. it means that we are in awe of Him.. but, fear also means apprehension.. we dun see God as dreadful nor are we afraid of Him rite? or is the "fear" an indication of the fact that we are afraid of Him as we believe that He has the powers to create and destroy us..? haiz, so is "fear" an appropriate word afterall? is it cos the dictionary and the rest of the Christians who preached to me to "fear" Him? our personal thoughts should not be interpreted as His words... haiz, adam and eve shouldnt have eaten those fruits, or else our lives wont be that confusing le..... haha, joking joking only... dun get offended.. these are wad i think, not wad i want you to believe... up till now, Christians have been splited into "sects" and divisions.. this i will never understand why... why is it there the spilt such that it had been led by the different beliefs about God? which is the right thinking? haiz.. why is it that when pple believe in one thing, they want to make everything seem complicated enough to further dissect that ONE belief into sooooo many other thinkings??
haiz... you dun have to answer my questions.... im oredi on the waiting list for God to answer my questions..
gtg, tata!!
christian bale is still as hot as i thought of him on saturday!!! and he's no himbo k!?
21 June 2005
rehearsal..... ahhhhhh!!!!!!
veri veri tired le......... first, i slept at 1.45am. den i woke up at 7.25am...... no sleep enough, and it's supposed to be the hols, the time when you can sleep for up to 24 hours!! haiz, budden today i got reading club rehearsal.... in the end, only three gals came, and the third gal was late by 2 hours plus, cos she didnt know abt the meeting until this morning.. so good rite she? haha... the rest of the gals either go overseas, or suddenly fell sick.... den so, the whole lt3 belonged to 8 pple from 8.30am to 1.45pm... and the aircon was so cold until once i sat down to listen to the teacher tok abt the theory part of the reading club, my head was glued to the makeshift table and my eyelids got soooo heavy.... so tired... and due to the fact that only 2 out of the 5 actresses turned up, including me and my "daughter".. so we just acted one scene, the first scene in which me and my "daughter" polish our mother-daughter acting skills.. haha.... only ONE scene for ONE whole morning!!? haha.... i still cant accept this fact..
den when it ended, we went to have lunch at mac, since the rc teacher gave us $50 to buy lunch.... so nice rite?? den when we ate finish, one of the gals couldnt find her ez-link card and kinda panicked.. den xuan he and me accompanied her to retrace steps, from mac to skool and around the skool... den in the end we went to the GO and it was in the lost-n-found box.. the ez-link card was dropped with $70.. lucky the guy who picked it up didnt take the money and scoot off... that guy is jc2.. den the office clerk told the gal to take dow the boy's hp number in order to thank him for his kind act... haiz, such guys are gonna become endangered species sia... lydia lost soooo many things, with nth returned to her...
haiz, now my legs cramping.... ahh... actually, it's only my right leg...... it's like, ants biting me the moment i move a muscle... but i have to move the leg in order to stretch it and let the blood flow smoothly... den gotta bend the toes until they are pointing towards my brain... learnt that method from tv... it works.. if not, i massage the affected part lor.. hehe.. im a good masseur k?
okae, gtg.. tata!
and christian bale is still as hot as i think he was yesterday.... haha.. and yong hao dun be jealous abt his muscles k???!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha......!!!!
den when it ended, we went to have lunch at mac, since the rc teacher gave us $50 to buy lunch.... so nice rite?? den when we ate finish, one of the gals couldnt find her ez-link card and kinda panicked.. den xuan he and me accompanied her to retrace steps, from mac to skool and around the skool... den in the end we went to the GO and it was in the lost-n-found box.. the ez-link card was dropped with $70.. lucky the guy who picked it up didnt take the money and scoot off... that guy is jc2.. den the office clerk told the gal to take dow the boy's hp number in order to thank him for his kind act... haiz, such guys are gonna become endangered species sia... lydia lost soooo many things, with nth returned to her...
haiz, now my legs cramping.... ahh... actually, it's only my right leg...... it's like, ants biting me the moment i move a muscle... but i have to move the leg in order to stretch it and let the blood flow smoothly... den gotta bend the toes until they are pointing towards my brain... learnt that method from tv... it works.. if not, i massage the affected part lor.. hehe.. im a good masseur k?
okae, gtg.. tata!
and christian bale is still as hot as i think he was yesterday.... haha.. and yong hao dun be jealous abt his muscles k???!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha......!!!!
20 June 2005
survey
today was one tiring day sia..... i slept at around 3am, den gotta wake up at 9.30am to go to my sis workplace to collect the survey forms for the survey in the afternoon.. den i reached jurong point at 11.15, 45 mins earlier den meeting time... so i went to the life bookshop to see if there are anymore planetshakers cd, den they dun have le.. so i walked to popular and bought a maths tys and a physics study guide, cost me $33++ sia.... lucky i got bring extra money... den after that i went to the $1 shop, wah...., they like having closing down sale, the store was almost empty and they have a 50% discount some more leh... budden i didnt buy anything, all the good stuff kana swept away by the past customers... cant even find a single scotch tape which i needed sooooo much, nvm, i go popular buy next time..
den i went to settle at mac, cos the papers are literally dragging me to the ground... den i bought a cup of lime juice.. den i resolved to only survive on salad and apple and water as a diet.. cos christian bale used this method and he shed 63 pounds.. you know how much that is!? and recently, i seem to have no appetite, den i so happy leh.. haha... budden my stomach will keep growling, budden my mouth dun feel like chewing... so i dunno wad to do le... budden i dunno how to tell my mother this decision, wait she think i dun like her food [which is getting quite boring cos she either make porridge, or fried noodles.. occasionally there's bread, or there's fried rice...] nvm, i shall only starve myself when im outside, and survive on one proper meal a day... hope it can still work.....
oh yar, as for the survey, we were targetting students, parents and teachers.. however, we couldnt recognise teacher from parent andparent from adult.. and cherie mistook a lady as a parent, so bad sia.. den we managed to survey the target number of students, but only one parent was willing to be surveyed... all the rest of the parents whom we tried to survey were either only willing to communicate with the "tok to my hand" sign, or they walk away, or they dun understand english.. in the end, unexpectedly, june and i completed the students earlier than cherie and sheryl [june and i were at the bus interchage, the other two went to the mrt entrance]....
and so we interviewed 40 students and 1 parent.... den june went home to bring her sis to see doc cos the sis got stomach flu.. den the three of us went to eat lunch at mos burger... i chose the healthier choice cos i was starving and there was soooo much lettuce and mayonnaise... budden the teriyaki chicken tasteed nice.. hehe... den i took out a lime magazine which i bought earlier and started reading... realised that it came with orlando bloom's poster, so i intend to give it to her when she comes back to singapore on the 25th.. hehe.. den cherie and sheryl started fighting over the mag cos got initial d... [sheryl likes edison chen, cherie likes jay chou (which personally dun quite like)] den yar, i was laughing and soon, sheryl oso laughed.. soon, lunch was over..
den sheryl went to cut hair.. cherie and i went to look at some christian accessories and she den went to go to OP to see if there are any nice clothes to buy, she spotted a mini, but it was too short.. den she shy.. haha.. okae, den we parted and i went home.... soooooo tired... budden i now veri alert, cos i wanna watch innuyasha, which is gonna start in 15 min.. woohoo!!!
btw, i wonder how lydia is doing.. haiz...
gtg, tata!
btw, christian bale is sooooooo batty!! i like batman!!!
den i went to settle at mac, cos the papers are literally dragging me to the ground... den i bought a cup of lime juice.. den i resolved to only survive on salad and apple and water as a diet.. cos christian bale used this method and he shed 63 pounds.. you know how much that is!? and recently, i seem to have no appetite, den i so happy leh.. haha... budden my stomach will keep growling, budden my mouth dun feel like chewing... so i dunno wad to do le... budden i dunno how to tell my mother this decision, wait she think i dun like her food [which is getting quite boring cos she either make porridge, or fried noodles.. occasionally there's bread, or there's fried rice...] nvm, i shall only starve myself when im outside, and survive on one proper meal a day... hope it can still work.....
oh yar, as for the survey, we were targetting students, parents and teachers.. however, we couldnt recognise teacher from parent andparent from adult.. and cherie mistook a lady as a parent, so bad sia.. den we managed to survey the target number of students, but only one parent was willing to be surveyed... all the rest of the parents whom we tried to survey were either only willing to communicate with the "tok to my hand" sign, or they walk away, or they dun understand english.. in the end, unexpectedly, june and i completed the students earlier than cherie and sheryl [june and i were at the bus interchage, the other two went to the mrt entrance]....
and so we interviewed 40 students and 1 parent.... den june went home to bring her sis to see doc cos the sis got stomach flu.. den the three of us went to eat lunch at mos burger... i chose the healthier choice cos i was starving and there was soooo much lettuce and mayonnaise... budden the teriyaki chicken tasteed nice.. hehe... den i took out a lime magazine which i bought earlier and started reading... realised that it came with orlando bloom's poster, so i intend to give it to her when she comes back to singapore on the 25th.. hehe.. den cherie and sheryl started fighting over the mag cos got initial d... [sheryl likes edison chen, cherie likes jay chou (which personally dun quite like)] den yar, i was laughing and soon, sheryl oso laughed.. soon, lunch was over..
den sheryl went to cut hair.. cherie and i went to look at some christian accessories and she den went to go to OP to see if there are any nice clothes to buy, she spotted a mini, but it was too short.. den she shy.. haha.. okae, den we parted and i went home.... soooooo tired... budden i now veri alert, cos i wanna watch innuyasha, which is gonna start in 15 min.. woohoo!!!
btw, i wonder how lydia is doing.. haiz...
gtg, tata!
btw, christian bale is sooooooo batty!! i like batman!!!
batman begins
heyhey.... i am going crazy over "batman begins" now.. the one acting as batman is sooooooo "wow"... and the setting is beautiful... and batman is sooooo muscular until i was so shocked that his clothes was concealing soooooo much muscles... haha... budden my sis dun like this batman cos he looked "soft".... to me, he looks just amazing... i like the character soooooo much.... okae lar, i am going crazy over this christian bale guy....... he's awesome..... never saw a guy his face with so much muscle.... haha, im fascinated by muscles.. but really..... batman is sooooooooo charismatic until i cant stop thinking of it... i want to watch batman again and again and again......!!!!! soooo nice!!! but it's on the dark side.... very few scenes that have the sun... but you dun need the sun when batman is around....
and the dialogues btn bruce and alfred are always sooooo comical... that time when they had to order the batman masks in bulk, as in ordering 10, 000 batman masks, in order to prevent suspicion and they ordered material from singapore and manufacture in china [if i heard correctly.. i just heard singapore being mentioned and i got so happy that i didnt bother to continue listening], den bruce said, "well, this way we have spares.." sooooo cute!!! alot of other funny scenes btn these two men and so many pple laughed at their dialgoue sia.. it was full house yesterday!!! oh yar, i forgot to say that i went to watch "batman begins" yesterday..
soooooo nice!!! i want the dvd!!!!! i want to watch it over and over again!!!!!and now, christian bale is so hot!! hey, i never complimented anyone to be hot before k, so it means that christian bale is truly hot in this movie.... i like the character he played.. and i like his va-va-voom body... sorry lar, but im a gal with hormones k!? and it seems like the previous batmans are not as muscular as him.....
okae, i continue going "oh" and "ah" and "go-g" and "ga-ga" over christian bale while you pple continue your lives k??
tata!!! love ya!!!
and the dialogues btn bruce and alfred are always sooooo comical... that time when they had to order the batman masks in bulk, as in ordering 10, 000 batman masks, in order to prevent suspicion and they ordered material from singapore and manufacture in china [if i heard correctly.. i just heard singapore being mentioned and i got so happy that i didnt bother to continue listening], den bruce said, "well, this way we have spares.." sooooo cute!!! alot of other funny scenes btn these two men and so many pple laughed at their dialgoue sia.. it was full house yesterday!!! oh yar, i forgot to say that i went to watch "batman begins" yesterday..
soooooo nice!!! i want the dvd!!!!! i want to watch it over and over again!!!!!and now, christian bale is so hot!! hey, i never complimented anyone to be hot before k, so it means that christian bale is truly hot in this movie.... i like the character he played.. and i like his va-va-voom body... sorry lar, but im a gal with hormones k!? and it seems like the previous batmans are not as muscular as him.....
okae, i continue going "oh" and "ah" and "go-g" and "ga-ga" over christian bale while you pple continue your lives k??
tata!!! love ya!!!
18 June 2005
a letter to a fren
hey lydia gal..
how have you been? terrible?
i have read your blog and i want you to know that i care.. you may feel that God hasnt been answering your prayers. you may feel alone.. but this is not the end of the world.. it is not the end of your world. it is simply the START of the new chapter of your life. you have to continue walking no matter how tired or hopeless you feel, darling.. dun give up unless life seems hopeless and dark and that God is no longer there loving you.. but the prob is, God loves you forever.. so you must never give up k??? and those things, you have lost, does those things deicde your life, you love, your future? it will only affect your present life. but shouldnt we be doing things for the future instead? get wad i mean?
btw, not only God loves you. so do your frens.. everybody knows you and when everybody knows you, they start loving you.. you are a gal stronger than me ya know? you have the determination to stay awake to chiong your work until 4.30 am.. while i can only tahan until 4am.. see, you stronger!
c'mon.. dun just look at the bad side of your current life.. look at the good side at times.. you choose to be happy or to be sad.. you gotta carry on living, no matter whether you can upset or not.. so live life happy.
hey, those things you lost will not be coming back anytime soon k? so you strive hard to buy things which are better than the things you lost, do excellent things that will let pple actually forget that you have fallen.. gain merits to replace the mistakes you have committed. find ways and means to do things in a less stressful way.. have you told your parents abt your probs? hey, they are the pple who have brouht you to this world and will be staying with you in the same house until they go heaven. they are your closest kin. tok to them no matter how unreceptive they may get.. are they angry with you losing the things? that you have made mistakes? they may appear angry, but think, they are angry bcos they care. if they have done nothing much, it's bcos they dunno how to.. so teach them! dun expect them to know everything that is in your heart. they are not the worms in your stomach [a chinese saying].. you have a mouth, let pple know wad you are thinking! you have a pair of hands, work until you have achieved! you have legs, walk forward with confidence! you have eyes, see things thru a optimistic view, crying is not the only function of your eyes..
do i sound like im scolding you and that all that i've mentioned have already been in your head just that you never mentioned? den now that i have said all these, smile!
just smile, dun ask why. somehow, smiling can make you less sad.. smile your best! but before that, if you really wanna cry, cry all out. cry your heart out, dun care abt wad pple think. they cant do anything to you rite? cry until you have no more tears.. cry tired oredi den sleep.. but after the crying and the sleeping, SMILE!!!!
i sincerely hope that wad i have said have gone into your head, if not, read it over again? if you think that i have been crapping in this half an hour while typing about how much i care abt you, den treat it that i never knew you before. cos after all, you never got the message that i love you [fren-fren love k?] and tot that im just crapping.
one last thing before i end this time of blogging, i have a listening ear and a watchful eye, so if you want, can call me.. or you just blog k??
love ya!!
God bless,
eunice.
how have you been? terrible?
i have read your blog and i want you to know that i care.. you may feel that God hasnt been answering your prayers. you may feel alone.. but this is not the end of the world.. it is not the end of your world. it is simply the START of the new chapter of your life. you have to continue walking no matter how tired or hopeless you feel, darling.. dun give up unless life seems hopeless and dark and that God is no longer there loving you.. but the prob is, God loves you forever.. so you must never give up k??? and those things, you have lost, does those things deicde your life, you love, your future? it will only affect your present life. but shouldnt we be doing things for the future instead? get wad i mean?
btw, not only God loves you. so do your frens.. everybody knows you and when everybody knows you, they start loving you.. you are a gal stronger than me ya know? you have the determination to stay awake to chiong your work until 4.30 am.. while i can only tahan until 4am.. see, you stronger!
c'mon.. dun just look at the bad side of your current life.. look at the good side at times.. you choose to be happy or to be sad.. you gotta carry on living, no matter whether you can upset or not.. so live life happy.
hey, those things you lost will not be coming back anytime soon k? so you strive hard to buy things which are better than the things you lost, do excellent things that will let pple actually forget that you have fallen.. gain merits to replace the mistakes you have committed. find ways and means to do things in a less stressful way.. have you told your parents abt your probs? hey, they are the pple who have brouht you to this world and will be staying with you in the same house until they go heaven. they are your closest kin. tok to them no matter how unreceptive they may get.. are they angry with you losing the things? that you have made mistakes? they may appear angry, but think, they are angry bcos they care. if they have done nothing much, it's bcos they dunno how to.. so teach them! dun expect them to know everything that is in your heart. they are not the worms in your stomach [a chinese saying].. you have a mouth, let pple know wad you are thinking! you have a pair of hands, work until you have achieved! you have legs, walk forward with confidence! you have eyes, see things thru a optimistic view, crying is not the only function of your eyes..
do i sound like im scolding you and that all that i've mentioned have already been in your head just that you never mentioned? den now that i have said all these, smile!
just smile, dun ask why. somehow, smiling can make you less sad.. smile your best! but before that, if you really wanna cry, cry all out. cry your heart out, dun care abt wad pple think. they cant do anything to you rite? cry until you have no more tears.. cry tired oredi den sleep.. but after the crying and the sleeping, SMILE!!!!
i sincerely hope that wad i have said have gone into your head, if not, read it over again? if you think that i have been crapping in this half an hour while typing about how much i care abt you, den treat it that i never knew you before. cos after all, you never got the message that i love you [fren-fren love k?] and tot that im just crapping.
one last thing before i end this time of blogging, i have a listening ear and a watchful eye, so if you want, can call me.. or you just blog k??
love ya!!
God bless,
eunice.
16 June 2005
mmmm
heyhey, me skipped a day of blogging, cos i was quite preoccupied by work and tv programmes.. heh heh.. yester, i dreamt of me in skool and there's some event involving the uniformed groups ie gb and bb.. the only few things i remembered about the event is that we were in fairfield and i remembered lor mee was behind me watching the bb boys dance some veri funny dance.. den i forgot the rest..
and this morning, i dreamt of me having some leg probs.. as in when i am walking, my legs will just lose the strength and i fall to the ground, unable to stand and continue walking.. den i gotta crawl with nobody bothering about me, climbing up stairs became a nuisance, but my mother did extend her hand to pull me up.. den i was left alone to go see a specialist who toked about everything but nothing about my leg problem.. she toked about me looking like a mummy since i looked haggard, and about my dental case.. in the end, i woke up.. haiz, wanted to continue sleeping and know wad happens in the end, but that stoopid phone call from my mother's fren jolted me from my slumber..
haiz, i now still scared of seeing newspaper articles reporting deaths appearing out of nowhere, or suddenly it slamming onto my bedroom window reporting about some foretold deaths... i have been aching to ask, where is the publishing house? are the publishers causing all the chaos? if yes, why? if not, why? why do they want to scare pple? why do they let the pple know about the death, knowing that the person who read will either want to save the pple [and risk getting killed by the "publishers" themselves veri slowly..], or continue to be haunted by the newspapers nd guilt if they never tried to change the outcome? either way, it is death, tortorous death.. both comes slowly and relentlessly.. letting pple know that they will be involved in the fatal accident, and thus allowing them to avoid the catastrophe will lead to the guy suffer physically as his body parts start to rot with disremovable ink marks all around the body... not letting pple know that they will die and let the deaths happen will still have the guy ending up reading about his death on the newspaper of terror [and die subsequently..]....... and how do they choose the reader?? haiz.. and the newspaper look so charred, as if it just passed by the hell in "constantine" and finally reached earth.. but it is still legible lar.. or else they wont know wad they reading, in the end the purpose is lost..
btw, there will be a skool dedication and 117th founders' day graduation service on saturday 30th july 2005.. it officially starts at 5, ends at 7.. but we gotta report to the 2004 form teacher to mark attendance at the reception desk outside the GO on the ground level.. and i didnt know 4e got 2 form teachers!!! just like 2e last time.. 4e'04 form teachers are ms tay and mr pang leh... didnt know mr pang was our co-form teacher.. soo coool... why didnt he tell me??okae, back to topic.. after marking attendance, we are to report to ah gek aka mdm lim in the hell and be seated according to our 2004 class..by 7pm, the service ends and the dinner reception at the parade square commences.. the dinner ends at 9.30pm..
as this is the skool dedication and founders' day graduation service, we are trusted to dress appropriately for the occasion.. we are preferred to come in our uniform or blazers if we are from colleges of polytechnics.. for those not in such institutes, they are to come in a plain coloured shirt with a tie and dark pants for the young men; and a blouse and shirt or dress for the young ladies.. track shoes and slippers are not allowed [den wad do i get as footwear? court shoes again!? together with my pj uni lar.. should look nice rite?] those who are not suitably attired would not be allowed to attend the service in the hall..
about the service dinner.. it will be a western BUFFET spread, in the ugly ugly parade square in a "beautiful" garden setting.. tickets are priced at S$50.00 and can be purchased at the GO.. there will be special items lovingly put together by the "talented" pupils [i cannot see any talent though..] and alumni during the dinner..
i gotta KINDLY fill in the reply slip and mail it to the skool latest by 4 july 2005.. can i save the stamp and just go directly to the skool to pass them the reply slip?
hm, ms e lim changed her signature.. it looks super different.. so my reply slip will carry my new signature too.. haha..
and you know that the letter is attached with the past vs present games day letter? i got a feeling that mr wee wrote that letter.. cos he's the only one who will write in point form.. erm, even thought there arent ant dots to show the points, you can see a paragraph only contains at most 2 sentences.. that's his way of doing such things..
and somehow, even though i had been enlightened abt my infatuation case, i still am abit obsessed with him.. tell me how!?!!??!?! to cure this illness of mine........ argh.
and this morning, i dreamt of me having some leg probs.. as in when i am walking, my legs will just lose the strength and i fall to the ground, unable to stand and continue walking.. den i gotta crawl with nobody bothering about me, climbing up stairs became a nuisance, but my mother did extend her hand to pull me up.. den i was left alone to go see a specialist who toked about everything but nothing about my leg problem.. she toked about me looking like a mummy since i looked haggard, and about my dental case.. in the end, i woke up.. haiz, wanted to continue sleeping and know wad happens in the end, but that stoopid phone call from my mother's fren jolted me from my slumber..
haiz, i now still scared of seeing newspaper articles reporting deaths appearing out of nowhere, or suddenly it slamming onto my bedroom window reporting about some foretold deaths... i have been aching to ask, where is the publishing house? are the publishers causing all the chaos? if yes, why? if not, why? why do they want to scare pple? why do they let the pple know about the death, knowing that the person who read will either want to save the pple [and risk getting killed by the "publishers" themselves veri slowly..], or continue to be haunted by the newspapers nd guilt if they never tried to change the outcome? either way, it is death, tortorous death.. both comes slowly and relentlessly.. letting pple know that they will be involved in the fatal accident, and thus allowing them to avoid the catastrophe will lead to the guy suffer physically as his body parts start to rot with disremovable ink marks all around the body... not letting pple know that they will die and let the deaths happen will still have the guy ending up reading about his death on the newspaper of terror [and die subsequently..]....... and how do they choose the reader?? haiz.. and the newspaper look so charred, as if it just passed by the hell in "constantine" and finally reached earth.. but it is still legible lar.. or else they wont know wad they reading, in the end the purpose is lost..
btw, there will be a skool dedication and 117th founders' day graduation service on saturday 30th july 2005.. it officially starts at 5, ends at 7.. but we gotta report to the 2004 form teacher to mark attendance at the reception desk outside the GO on the ground level.. and i didnt know 4e got 2 form teachers!!! just like 2e last time.. 4e'04 form teachers are ms tay and mr pang leh... didnt know mr pang was our co-form teacher.. soo coool... why didnt he tell me??okae, back to topic.. after marking attendance, we are to report to ah gek aka mdm lim in the hell and be seated according to our 2004 class..by 7pm, the service ends and the dinner reception at the parade square commences.. the dinner ends at 9.30pm..
as this is the skool dedication and founders' day graduation service, we are trusted to dress appropriately for the occasion.. we are preferred to come in our uniform or blazers if we are from colleges of polytechnics.. for those not in such institutes, they are to come in a plain coloured shirt with a tie and dark pants for the young men; and a blouse and shirt or dress for the young ladies.. track shoes and slippers are not allowed [den wad do i get as footwear? court shoes again!? together with my pj uni lar.. should look nice rite?] those who are not suitably attired would not be allowed to attend the service in the hall..
about the service dinner.. it will be a western BUFFET spread, in the ugly ugly parade square in a "beautiful" garden setting.. tickets are priced at S$50.00 and can be purchased at the GO.. there will be special items lovingly put together by the "talented" pupils [i cannot see any talent though..] and alumni during the dinner..
i gotta KINDLY fill in the reply slip and mail it to the skool latest by 4 july 2005.. can i save the stamp and just go directly to the skool to pass them the reply slip?
hm, ms e lim changed her signature.. it looks super different.. so my reply slip will carry my new signature too.. haha..
and you know that the letter is attached with the past vs present games day letter? i got a feeling that mr wee wrote that letter.. cos he's the only one who will write in point form.. erm, even thought there arent ant dots to show the points, you can see a paragraph only contains at most 2 sentences.. that's his way of doing such things..
and somehow, even though i had been enlightened abt my infatuation case, i still am abit obsessed with him.. tell me how!?!!??!?! to cure this illness of mine........ argh.
15 June 2005
premonition
i finally watched a movie this year! haha.. today was hectic.
hectic hectic.
i woke up at 10.30am - got 8h of sleep after chiong-ing hmk - den did the morning business everything before i finlly settled down to do some maths.. felt so happy cos i understood wad they were tokin abt.. den i do do do until 12.. den i got ready to go out for pw meeting.. budden i got ready too fast, within 15 minutes, im ready... but the prob is, i dun wanna be early! being early means that i have to wait like a dummy again.. so in the end i did more maths until 12.40.. den i finally left the house.. budden i walked one whole round to reach the bus stop in order to waste more time.. haha, im senseless.. in the end, i ended up 15 mins earlier den meeting time... argh! maybe cos it's bcos the waiting time shortened.. okae, so i decided to go to Popular to buy some stationery since i had used up quite alot of pen durin the hols this time.. den june accompanied me cos she happened to turn up early too.. haha.. den after that, at 1.30, sheryl called and she sounded veri agitated and i was trying veri hard to hear her cos of the noisy background.. haha.. so june and i tot that sheryl and cherie would be continue to wait at the control station, so we went down.. but when we reached the place, sheryl and cherie had went to popular to meet us... so funny.. in the end, june and i waited for the other two to come down to pizza hut which was at the ground floor.. so we went to the place and was ordering the food all those and such [we were getting veri used to alvin being super late.].. and this was supposed to be pw meeting, but the meeting took only 10 minutes.. the remaining one and a half hour was left to eating and joking around.. and alvin cut his hair until super short... veri erm...undescribable... haiz, ever since i went jc, my vocab shrunk.. sad sia.. hm, okae, i shall not sound cheem.. so i shall say alvin looked veri cute.. [cute = ugly but adorable..].. after lunch, we went around the place to find a way to spilt the change from the meal, cos four pple paid forty dollars for the student special meal, den change came back as a ten-dollar-bill.. we had to find a way to spilt the money.. i almost tore the dollar bill into 4.. den tok tok tok and alvin was the first to leave, followed by june.. den sheryl and cherie and i were fretting over the supposed class gathering.. in the end, the three of us decided to watch movie and leave the 5-or-6-pple-gathering.. we tok tok tok and i blurly followed them into the cinema to watch premonition... wah, a horror flick! i sure cannot sleep peacefully tonight.. i this time super easily freaked out.. you want to know the story? i tell you a summary k?
premonition is a show toking abt the NEWSPAPER OF TERROR. it tells you when pple will die, not when pple die.. it kinda notifies you of death. if i wereto read, i will freak out sia.. now, the plot revolves around a man and his family.. one day, the guy was doing his work at a phone booth when he found a charred-but-readable newpaper foretelling the death of his 5-yr-old daughter. he was freaked out and was veri confused. in the end, the gal was stuck in the car and the car was crashed by a truck, in which the truck driver suddenly died of a heart seizure, and the car den burst into flames.. he couldnt get over the fact that he could have saved his lil gal and was traumatised by the newspaper thingy. so he decided to divorce his wife, who was veri veri sad that her daughter died in such a way and refused to believe him abt the newspaper thingy.. den 3 years later, the newspapers came more and more often and soon, his mind was filled with newspaper headlines abt deaths.. he scribbled the headlines everywhere in his house, which was similar to a case in which the mental patient finally committed suicide while scribbling the headlines.. cos he ran out of stationery and he cut his tongue to write in blood.. scary sia.. i tell you, you have to WATCH it.. den all those things happened and the wife became a researcher abt this thing and thru her research, she saw a newspaper showing the picture of the guy, which meant that he would die soon.. den the couple got together.. den the guy read the newspaper foretelling the death of his wife in a train derailment acident.. den he managed to save her, but not her fren. i refuse to describe anything that has to do with the accident now.
all those happened, and soon, he was brought into a place where one of the readers of newspaper-of-terror call as hell, where they are not allowed to even die, where death is a luxury.. den they gave him options abt his greatest nightmare: the death of his gal.. either the gal dies, or his wife dies, or the whole family die. the last option was that he was to die. and he chose to die instead of his loved ones' demise.. but the prob is, he had a chance to escape with the two pple and they have a happy life together.. he had the time to escape. stoopid sia... in the end, his daughter "took his place" and saw a newspaper report foretelling her father's death and the paper was flying happily over the place where the guy died.. so sad... this means that someone must die... haiz...
okae, i tok somemore, the gory images which i have not mentioned will come out more..
i dun want to tok le.. i am veri tired and i can predict that im gonna have another nightmare. i now gonna have a phobia of newspaper reports reporting deaths.. wish me luck. tata!
hectic hectic.
i woke up at 10.30am - got 8h of sleep after chiong-ing hmk - den did the morning business everything before i finlly settled down to do some maths.. felt so happy cos i understood wad they were tokin abt.. den i do do do until 12.. den i got ready to go out for pw meeting.. budden i got ready too fast, within 15 minutes, im ready... but the prob is, i dun wanna be early! being early means that i have to wait like a dummy again.. so in the end i did more maths until 12.40.. den i finally left the house.. budden i walked one whole round to reach the bus stop in order to waste more time.. haha, im senseless.. in the end, i ended up 15 mins earlier den meeting time... argh! maybe cos it's bcos the waiting time shortened.. okae, so i decided to go to Popular to buy some stationery since i had used up quite alot of pen durin the hols this time.. den june accompanied me cos she happened to turn up early too.. haha.. den after that, at 1.30, sheryl called and she sounded veri agitated and i was trying veri hard to hear her cos of the noisy background.. haha.. so june and i tot that sheryl and cherie would be continue to wait at the control station, so we went down.. but when we reached the place, sheryl and cherie had went to popular to meet us... so funny.. in the end, june and i waited for the other two to come down to pizza hut which was at the ground floor.. so we went to the place and was ordering the food all those and such [we were getting veri used to alvin being super late.].. and this was supposed to be pw meeting, but the meeting took only 10 minutes.. the remaining one and a half hour was left to eating and joking around.. and alvin cut his hair until super short... veri erm...undescribable... haiz, ever since i went jc, my vocab shrunk.. sad sia.. hm, okae, i shall not sound cheem.. so i shall say alvin looked veri cute.. [cute = ugly but adorable..].. after lunch, we went around the place to find a way to spilt the change from the meal, cos four pple paid forty dollars for the student special meal, den change came back as a ten-dollar-bill.. we had to find a way to spilt the money.. i almost tore the dollar bill into 4.. den tok tok tok and alvin was the first to leave, followed by june.. den sheryl and cherie and i were fretting over the supposed class gathering.. in the end, the three of us decided to watch movie and leave the 5-or-6-pple-gathering.. we tok tok tok and i blurly followed them into the cinema to watch premonition... wah, a horror flick! i sure cannot sleep peacefully tonight.. i this time super easily freaked out.. you want to know the story? i tell you a summary k?
premonition is a show toking abt the NEWSPAPER OF TERROR. it tells you when pple will die, not when pple die.. it kinda notifies you of death. if i wereto read, i will freak out sia.. now, the plot revolves around a man and his family.. one day, the guy was doing his work at a phone booth when he found a charred-but-readable newpaper foretelling the death of his 5-yr-old daughter. he was freaked out and was veri confused. in the end, the gal was stuck in the car and the car was crashed by a truck, in which the truck driver suddenly died of a heart seizure, and the car den burst into flames.. he couldnt get over the fact that he could have saved his lil gal and was traumatised by the newspaper thingy. so he decided to divorce his wife, who was veri veri sad that her daughter died in such a way and refused to believe him abt the newspaper thingy.. den 3 years later, the newspapers came more and more often and soon, his mind was filled with newspaper headlines abt deaths.. he scribbled the headlines everywhere in his house, which was similar to a case in which the mental patient finally committed suicide while scribbling the headlines.. cos he ran out of stationery and he cut his tongue to write in blood.. scary sia.. i tell you, you have to WATCH it.. den all those things happened and the wife became a researcher abt this thing and thru her research, she saw a newspaper showing the picture of the guy, which meant that he would die soon.. den the couple got together.. den the guy read the newspaper foretelling the death of his wife in a train derailment acident.. den he managed to save her, but not her fren. i refuse to describe anything that has to do with the accident now.
all those happened, and soon, he was brought into a place where one of the readers of newspaper-of-terror call as hell, where they are not allowed to even die, where death is a luxury.. den they gave him options abt his greatest nightmare: the death of his gal.. either the gal dies, or his wife dies, or the whole family die. the last option was that he was to die. and he chose to die instead of his loved ones' demise.. but the prob is, he had a chance to escape with the two pple and they have a happy life together.. he had the time to escape. stoopid sia... in the end, his daughter "took his place" and saw a newspaper report foretelling her father's death and the paper was flying happily over the place where the guy died.. so sad... this means that someone must die... haiz...
okae, i tok somemore, the gory images which i have not mentioned will come out more..
i dun want to tok le.. i am veri tired and i can predict that im gonna have another nightmare. i now gonna have a phobia of newspaper reports reporting deaths.. wish me luck. tata!
13 June 2005
castration
heyhey.. i got fresh news from taiwan.. a boy student was found castrating himself, by cutting away his testicles.. he did it singlehandedly.. the security guard watched him do it.. stoopid man to just stand there and watch.. hm, or maybe cos the boy locked himself in his room and castrated himself.. now, he is alive and kicking[erm, in the hospital] and is unable to reproduce anymore, wad he wanted.
the skool said that he got good grades, so that he SHOULDNT have any stress all those.. and since he does not have any relationship, he shouldnt be having any trouble regarding affairs of the heart.. hey, come on.. how can the skool know!? the poor guy might be involved in a case of infatuation, or too much self-induced stress due to his high expectations of himself regarding work all those..
haiz, dun tok abt him le.. im sleepy..
tata!
the skool said that he got good grades, so that he SHOULDNT have any stress all those.. and since he does not have any relationship, he shouldnt be having any trouble regarding affairs of the heart.. hey, come on.. how can the skool know!? the poor guy might be involved in a case of infatuation, or too much self-induced stress due to his high expectations of himself regarding work all those..
haiz, dun tok abt him le.. im sleepy..
tata!
i dreamt again last night!
yes... i dreamt again.. i dreamt of me at my grandmother's house, when my elder cousin had come home from america from his studies to celebrate his 21st birthday.. you know boon leong? he won a silver medal of an international science quiz thingy.. it's quite prestigious, since the straits times actually took a huge photo of him holding onto the medal with another guy and they wrote an article abt the quiz, and he was from acjc.
okae, back to topic. i dreamt of him being veri upset abt something and he suddenly flared up and started throwing bowling balls down the stairs.. odd rite? the house got soooo many bowling balls.. den my grandmother, threw a flower vase at the same direction as my cousin.. i dunno why.. den my relatives started saying bad things abt him throwing a temper all those.. and i really wanted to justify things for him by saying that he must have been under alot of stress and that he has his troubles.. but i couldnt get it out of my mouth and they were just tokin tokin tokin... den i woke up.. cos it was a meaningless dream..
btw, i finally found out how king tut died!! okae, it was just an assumption from all the evidences, of his severly fractured left femur, the missing left kneecap and signs of inflammation at that wound at the left leg..
king tut might most probably have got wounded during a hunt after falling off a chariot, or that he was wounded by an enemy soldier during a war. drawings on the walls of his tomb proved that he was an avid hunter and at his dynasty, wars were coming from two different enemies from two different sides.. his lefe leg might have be very violently been bashed by something and a sharp spear might have sunk straight into the part of the thigh which is closest to the knee such the whole bone was divided into two. i saw the ct scan of his whole body and during the excavation in 1922, caused many parts of his body to suffer fractures.. but the frcture at his leg was different from the others and it was a pre-wound which happen not long before his death.. also, another evidence that it was an indirect death-causing wonund, was that there was embalming liquid which had entered the fracture, which meant that the wound was existent when they were embalming the body for mummification [it could not have been that embalmers have dropped the body and caused the fracture cos the impact would not have been so big so as to cause the severe fracture.. ].. den the past studies that his head had suffered a huge impact which caused hemorrhaging at the back of the skull all those crap are false! the so called blood clot is actually embalming liquid! and there's another mystery.. his chest is missing. as in the breast there, no ribs, nothing... and also, he had a terribly sprained leg, so bad that the cast was placed together into the coffin..
oh and the leg wound thingy.. he died one to five days after he suffered the wound.. so it is most likely that due to the lack of antibiotics at the time, the wound got infected and he had a very bad fever and soon, he stopped breathing..
he started ruling egypt since the age of 9 and had ruled the place for 10 years before dying.. his death meant the end of hisdynasty. his height is approx 1.68m.. his chest was small, but robust.. he wasnt muscularly built.. so he was just a royal palace boy. he hadnt even developed finish.. so sad.... haiz... die so early...
oh yar, in his tomb, they found two mummified infants, which are suspected to be his children.. one was stillborn, the other died shortly after his birth.. so sad... i pity the wife.. everybody die earlier den her sia.. liddat widowed..
so sad! but i saw how he looked like before his death, with the help of modern sculptors.. quite handsome, besides the egg-shaped head of his..
gtg, tata!
okae, back to topic. i dreamt of him being veri upset abt something and he suddenly flared up and started throwing bowling balls down the stairs.. odd rite? the house got soooo many bowling balls.. den my grandmother, threw a flower vase at the same direction as my cousin.. i dunno why.. den my relatives started saying bad things abt him throwing a temper all those.. and i really wanted to justify things for him by saying that he must have been under alot of stress and that he has his troubles.. but i couldnt get it out of my mouth and they were just tokin tokin tokin... den i woke up.. cos it was a meaningless dream..
btw, i finally found out how king tut died!! okae, it was just an assumption from all the evidences, of his severly fractured left femur, the missing left kneecap and signs of inflammation at that wound at the left leg..
king tut might most probably have got wounded during a hunt after falling off a chariot, or that he was wounded by an enemy soldier during a war. drawings on the walls of his tomb proved that he was an avid hunter and at his dynasty, wars were coming from two different enemies from two different sides.. his lefe leg might have be very violently been bashed by something and a sharp spear might have sunk straight into the part of the thigh which is closest to the knee such the whole bone was divided into two. i saw the ct scan of his whole body and during the excavation in 1922, caused many parts of his body to suffer fractures.. but the frcture at his leg was different from the others and it was a pre-wound which happen not long before his death.. also, another evidence that it was an indirect death-causing wonund, was that there was embalming liquid which had entered the fracture, which meant that the wound was existent when they were embalming the body for mummification [it could not have been that embalmers have dropped the body and caused the fracture cos the impact would not have been so big so as to cause the severe fracture.. ].. den the past studies that his head had suffered a huge impact which caused hemorrhaging at the back of the skull all those crap are false! the so called blood clot is actually embalming liquid! and there's another mystery.. his chest is missing. as in the breast there, no ribs, nothing... and also, he had a terribly sprained leg, so bad that the cast was placed together into the coffin..
oh and the leg wound thingy.. he died one to five days after he suffered the wound.. so it is most likely that due to the lack of antibiotics at the time, the wound got infected and he had a very bad fever and soon, he stopped breathing..
he started ruling egypt since the age of 9 and had ruled the place for 10 years before dying.. his death meant the end of hisdynasty. his height is approx 1.68m.. his chest was small, but robust.. he wasnt muscularly built.. so he was just a royal palace boy. he hadnt even developed finish.. so sad.... haiz... die so early...
oh yar, in his tomb, they found two mummified infants, which are suspected to be his children.. one was stillborn, the other died shortly after his birth.. so sad... i pity the wife.. everybody die earlier den her sia.. liddat widowed..
so sad! but i saw how he looked like before his death, with the help of modern sculptors.. quite handsome, besides the egg-shaped head of his..
gtg, tata!
12 June 2005
dental visit
ahhh!!!! i gotta go for dental appointment on the 20th july!!!!!!! noooooo!!!!!! i got a bad feeling that i have been int he queue for braces for 3 years and the time has come. the time to go the the national dental clinic.. the time for the continuous pain and agony.. lydia, i am gonna experience wad you are currently experienceing rite now.. cry cry sob sob..
last night, i had a nightmare
yes, a nightmare. i dreamt of entering at a particular department of a shopping mall [shopping mall again!?] and den left for home. when i reached home, i automatically went to check the letterbox to see if there were any letters.. but unusually, there were many pple crowded around there and i saw that there were many vandalisms and the crowd was saying that those vandalising acts was caused by my house's letterbox [or something liddat, they wre just pointing at mine and saying, "must be bcos of this..."].. den i got frightened, den the next thing i saw was that i was on the way home, instead of being at the letterbox, and suddenly, two creepy things appeared beside me and started toking to me, i managed to kick one of them.. but my second try was futile cos they just resolved to float higher, out of my reach.. den they joked abt it.. den i LAUGHED and walked away.. diao~ rite? i oso dunno why.. den i went home, AGAIN. yar, those creepy things i can still remember how they look like, it's just like computer animation.. i can draw them out, i guess..
okae, forget abt this nightmare.. it's nonsense.
lorraine said that her mother told her that the brain is like a cpu; when the person is sleeping, the "cpu" will clear the rubbish in our heads, and while clearing, these images that were to be erased will be replayed in our minds.. thus, we dream.. but i have a question, why do these dreams not at all coincide with wad we have experienced. moreover, i have dreamt of wad i was about to experience in the next few months.. erm, the longest time was a year later.. cool sia. but those images were veri short.. just for like one sec, den no more..
okae, forget it.. i dunno if you understood wad i just said..
gtg now.. watching tv..
tata!
okae, forget abt this nightmare.. it's nonsense.
lorraine said that her mother told her that the brain is like a cpu; when the person is sleeping, the "cpu" will clear the rubbish in our heads, and while clearing, these images that were to be erased will be replayed in our minds.. thus, we dream.. but i have a question, why do these dreams not at all coincide with wad we have experienced. moreover, i have dreamt of wad i was about to experience in the next few months.. erm, the longest time was a year later.. cool sia. but those images were veri short.. just for like one sec, den no more..
okae, forget it.. i dunno if you understood wad i just said..
gtg now.. watching tv..
tata!
11 June 2005
today IX
last night, i had a veri tiring dream..
i dreamt that i was a man and was being chased after by 3 men.. they were trying to kill me with those handguns and were chasing me down the road.. until i reached a shopping mall and kept running up stairs until i reached the place where security guards usually supervise the whole place using video cameras.. i tried to get in, but one stoopid indian security guard refused to let me go inside, so i am like, opening the door and he was busy closing the door shut.. until i managed to force the door open and rushed into the place and den bolted the door shut. but that stoopid place has glass walls, not those concrete walls and had two doors.. two of the assailants were shooting into the place and the security guards were shot down cos they were standing up, as if letting themselves be the shooting targets.. and i squat down and tried to leave through the second door, budden the third assailant was there and trying to shoot into the room so i remained squatted and kicked at the glass door, which was wooden at the top.. den i kick and kick and kick until the glass shattered.. budden that one at my door reached in and tried to pull me out to kill me. den i happened to grab a huge hammer and so i hammered his head hard..
den i woke up. well, wad i remembered and recorded down here was the last part of the dream.. still got alot ahead of this part, budden i forgot..
hehe, i think i tonight gonna watch "fly me to polaris".. it's abt a blind mute who was killed in an accident before he could let the nurse he liked know that he like her. so when he was the 60th billion person to go to Polaris, he kinda won a contest and had his wish granted to go back to earth for five days as a different normal human being who could talk, see and hear so that he can see the nurse he liked. but on one condition, he was not to disclose his real identity. on the day of the meteor shower, which is the fifth day, was the day that the nurse finally recognise the stranger as the blind mute thru his manner and behavior and they profess their love for each other. den he became one of those shooting stars among the thousands in the sky, on the way to Polaris.
know why i feel like watching this show? cos my chinese holiday hmk included doing a tys comprehension, in which the passage is actually a movie review of this particular show, den i suddenly remembered that i have the show's dvd. the passage talked abt telling the person you treasure and love that you love them, before they leave your side forever. but telling them that takes a lot of courage. A LOT OF COURAGE. cos you never know wad their reaction will be, and that the tough image that you've so painstakingly built up might be shattered by showing your vulnerable side of loving somebody.
if you think otherwise, now go tell your parents, your siblings [erm for lydia's case in sibling rivalry, this will be an exception], your lover, etc, that you love them..
hm, i can only do it online.
I LOVE YOU!!
i dreamt that i was a man and was being chased after by 3 men.. they were trying to kill me with those handguns and were chasing me down the road.. until i reached a shopping mall and kept running up stairs until i reached the place where security guards usually supervise the whole place using video cameras.. i tried to get in, but one stoopid indian security guard refused to let me go inside, so i am like, opening the door and he was busy closing the door shut.. until i managed to force the door open and rushed into the place and den bolted the door shut. but that stoopid place has glass walls, not those concrete walls and had two doors.. two of the assailants were shooting into the place and the security guards were shot down cos they were standing up, as if letting themselves be the shooting targets.. and i squat down and tried to leave through the second door, budden the third assailant was there and trying to shoot into the room so i remained squatted and kicked at the glass door, which was wooden at the top.. den i kick and kick and kick until the glass shattered.. budden that one at my door reached in and tried to pull me out to kill me. den i happened to grab a huge hammer and so i hammered his head hard..
den i woke up. well, wad i remembered and recorded down here was the last part of the dream.. still got alot ahead of this part, budden i forgot..
hehe, i think i tonight gonna watch "fly me to polaris".. it's abt a blind mute who was killed in an accident before he could let the nurse he liked know that he like her. so when he was the 60th billion person to go to Polaris, he kinda won a contest and had his wish granted to go back to earth for five days as a different normal human being who could talk, see and hear so that he can see the nurse he liked. but on one condition, he was not to disclose his real identity. on the day of the meteor shower, which is the fifth day, was the day that the nurse finally recognise the stranger as the blind mute thru his manner and behavior and they profess their love for each other. den he became one of those shooting stars among the thousands in the sky, on the way to Polaris.
know why i feel like watching this show? cos my chinese holiday hmk included doing a tys comprehension, in which the passage is actually a movie review of this particular show, den i suddenly remembered that i have the show's dvd. the passage talked abt telling the person you treasure and love that you love them, before they leave your side forever. but telling them that takes a lot of courage. A LOT OF COURAGE. cos you never know wad their reaction will be, and that the tough image that you've so painstakingly built up might be shattered by showing your vulnerable side of loving somebody.
if you think otherwise, now go tell your parents, your siblings [erm for lydia's case in sibling rivalry, this will be an exception], your lover, etc, that you love them..
hm, i can only do it online.
I LOVE YOU!!
10 June 2005
sian
me today stuck in my room trying to do maths revision.. keep getting stuck at those questions that i couldnt do in skool.. i need some guidance in those permutation, combination and simple probability.. see!? i got stuck at the FIRST topic.. but somehow, i managed to get 24/30 for those discrete random variable and so on..
today i didnt do much, just managed to kick myself out of the pjc moblog.. cos i dun wanna pay for those chatting and stuff... MUST PAY!!! DUN THINK THAT EVERYTHING IS FREE!!!
aiyar, gtg.. tata!
today i didnt do much, just managed to kick myself out of the pjc moblog.. cos i dun wanna pay for those chatting and stuff... MUST PAY!!! DUN THINK THAT EVERYTHING IS FREE!!!
aiyar, gtg.. tata!
09 June 2005
the dream
last night, i dreamt of a wonderful thing.
i dreamt of the entire 2004 batch of fairfield gathering in a macdonald's outlet [quite squeezy, but so there are pple outside the place too..] i dreamt of elin, and many others whom i have forgotten their faces..
i dreamt of mr wee too.
and i know the reason why i dreamt of so many pple, these two pple especially. yesterday, i was surfing the net when i found out that fairfield will be organising a "past vs present sports day" and i read that there is a high possibility that mr wee will appear to play those games.. then i got veri excited, as usual, and veri anxioius for this day until i even dreamt of meeting them.. the only two things i remembered abt the pple [elin and mr wee], were that elin let down her hair and is in jeans, forgot wad top; mr wee was in the white shirt, with his yellow tie and dirty brown pants.. the prob is, i remembered wad he wore so clearly, and i even remember him socialising with the bb guys with someone whom i guess i cai junfeng [dreaming of cai should actually be a nightmare, but elin and mr wee made my nightmare into a pleasant dream..]
hehe..
hm, i made a new blog at http://www.campusmoblog.com.sg/group/home.asp?gid=BFA7AAE1-A330-4318-84B9-43CE6EB2277A .. it's for pjc lar.. budden anybody can join.. :P
today i had rc meeting.. gotta go for the rehearsal for the play.. wah, rehearsed soooooo many times.. from 8.30am to 4pm! budden got lunch break in btn which was for around one hour.. now i super tired and my mother just kicked me hard twice due to her 17-yr-old menopause... so my body kinda aching and i am veri exhausted.
gtg and rest. tata!
i dreamt of the entire 2004 batch of fairfield gathering in a macdonald's outlet [quite squeezy, but so there are pple outside the place too..] i dreamt of elin, and many others whom i have forgotten their faces..
i dreamt of mr wee too.
and i know the reason why i dreamt of so many pple, these two pple especially. yesterday, i was surfing the net when i found out that fairfield will be organising a "past vs present sports day" and i read that there is a high possibility that mr wee will appear to play those games.. then i got veri excited, as usual, and veri anxioius for this day until i even dreamt of meeting them.. the only two things i remembered abt the pple [elin and mr wee], were that elin let down her hair and is in jeans, forgot wad top; mr wee was in the white shirt, with his yellow tie and dirty brown pants.. the prob is, i remembered wad he wore so clearly, and i even remember him socialising with the bb guys with someone whom i guess i cai junfeng [dreaming of cai should actually be a nightmare, but elin and mr wee made my nightmare into a pleasant dream..]
hehe..
hm, i made a new blog at http://www.campusmoblog.com.sg/group/home.asp?gid=BFA7AAE1-A330-4318-84B9-43CE6EB2277A .. it's for pjc lar.. budden anybody can join.. :P
today i had rc meeting.. gotta go for the rehearsal for the play.. wah, rehearsed soooooo many times.. from 8.30am to 4pm! budden got lunch break in btn which was for around one hour.. now i super tired and my mother just kicked me hard twice due to her 17-yr-old menopause... so my body kinda aching and i am veri exhausted.
gtg and rest. tata!
07 June 2005
today is half a good day, and half a not-good day..
today, auntie came to visit me.. yay.
this evening, my mother becomes her usual self and finds means and ways to shout at my father. den she scolds me suddenly.. den she continues calling him and scolding him, cursing him all those.. one sentence made quite an impact. she said, "yar, you soooo tired.. soooo tired after fucking around. bastard."
she made me feel that im going crazy.. first, she is the one doing the shoutings and scoldings, thinking that the whole world is against her and next, she finds faults.. i somehow feel that she is not my mother. i wonder when was the time when she ever felt proud of me.. when did she ever love me? when did she try to be a normal, loving mother for me? i keep quiet and she does all the ranting.. makes me wanna stand up and slap her into thinking right.. nah, cant imagine me reaching her face and slapping her.. im thinking of my father shouting at her for a divorce, or me shouting at the top of my voice and telling her to shut her crap. im in a dysfunctional family.. haiz..
today, auntie came to visit me.. yay.
this evening, my mother becomes her usual self and finds means and ways to shout at my father. den she scolds me suddenly.. den she continues calling him and scolding him, cursing him all those.. one sentence made quite an impact. she said, "yar, you soooo tired.. soooo tired after fucking around. bastard."
she made me feel that im going crazy.. first, she is the one doing the shoutings and scoldings, thinking that the whole world is against her and next, she finds faults.. i somehow feel that she is not my mother. i wonder when was the time when she ever felt proud of me.. when did she ever love me? when did she try to be a normal, loving mother for me? i keep quiet and she does all the ranting.. makes me wanna stand up and slap her into thinking right.. nah, cant imagine me reaching her face and slapping her.. im thinking of my father shouting at her for a divorce, or me shouting at the top of my voice and telling her to shut her crap. im in a dysfunctional family.. haiz..
suddenly, i cannot sleep until i have said this.
elin, huiyi, lorraine, lydia and many many many gals and boys, i suddenly miss the times we've spent together, especially when we were sec 3 and that we would always find the chance to cross the road from skool to the macdonalds at the bamboo place in commonwealth.. to me, those were the most wonderful times when i would see that we were sooo without worries, so carefree and having so much fun together, even when the rain comes to make our journey back to skool harder we will laugh throughout the time.. i miss the times when we would cross the "disintegrating" overhead bridge.. i miss the times when we had drills in the basketball court to make our banging sound more crisp and louder den banging on the parade square.. i miss the times when we walked from block d[the classroom block, remember?] all the way to the canteen.. i miss the time when we had the fiesta@fairfield and there was the dunking thingy.. i missed the hannah part too.. i missed the time when i was head over heeld abt mr wee, i missed the mornings when i purposely rush down to the parade square early in the morning to see him riding his bicycle into skool.. i missed everything.. i missed the times in commonwealth.. the times in dover has been too short and vague.. when we finally went back to dover was when we were sec 4 and pinned down by reivison and mugging and had veri lil time for each other, too lil time to strengthen our frenship further.. when i think of fairfield, i would think of the lockers, the time when we could enjoy the aircon in the ground level classroom, the time when mr wee was our invilgator for the prelims [i was exhilerated, but you all never really bothered to notice], the time when i studied in learn@fairfield with the aircon blasting and the guys being the source of noise pollution and mr wee sitting there, coaching his students... yes, many memories of fairfield were filled by him too.. i miss the times when we could sit together in mrs kwek's class and answer her questions in the most funniest ways.. i miss you, elin. i miss you, lydia.. i miss you, lp.. i miss you, lorraine.. i miss you, huiyi.. i miss you jasmine.. i miss you, ck.. i miss you, leann.. i miss you, eugenia.. i miss timo too, unexpectedly.. i miss so much pple that i cant name them all..
i missed the love we had for each other. does that love still exist between us? or have it been one-sided again? i just know that, no matter wad you tot i felt towards you, i love you. with all my heart. but this heart of mine has its defects.. it had been scarred and it is with jealousy.. the times when i had suddenly went silent was when i got so envious and unworthy of your company.. the times when i kept silent was when i ran out of things to say.. the times when i cried, was when i had felt neglected and abandoned.. the many times when i got upset, was when i probably, loved you too much.. i am oso a selfish being afterall.. i am easily swayed by jealousy.. and so, everytime when my heart is swayed by jealousy and bitterness, i get more upset by the fact that i have been sinful.. my definition of love may not be the same as your definition of love, but all i know wad love is, that it is when you care alot abt that person and that you want to very much protect that person from sadness.. but i had failed to bring happiness to you, cos i never saw how my unhappiness could have caused you pain.. darling, i never meant to make anyone of you cry.. elin, i know i have made you cry once [maybe more than once..], and i still remember that cos i am still so guilty abt it.. i never wanted pple around me to cry bcos of me.. i am underserving of that.. i am not worthy of any love from the start.. esp the love of God.. i never deserved such a great love.. and maybe, never will i be worthy of this affection.. but now, i wanna try. i wanna do something that makes me worthy of Your love, Lord. help me find a way to do so.. besides the part of getting my mother to accept the fact the i wanna be a christian and den getting her to love you, she's more stubborn than me and i am veri veri stubborn oredi.. i dun mind dying for you.
elin, huiyi, lorraine, lydia and many many many gals and boys, i suddenly miss the times we've spent together, especially when we were sec 3 and that we would always find the chance to cross the road from skool to the macdonalds at the bamboo place in commonwealth.. to me, those were the most wonderful times when i would see that we were sooo without worries, so carefree and having so much fun together, even when the rain comes to make our journey back to skool harder we will laugh throughout the time.. i miss the times when we would cross the "disintegrating" overhead bridge.. i miss the times when we had drills in the basketball court to make our banging sound more crisp and louder den banging on the parade square.. i miss the times when we walked from block d[the classroom block, remember?] all the way to the canteen.. i miss the time when we had the fiesta@fairfield and there was the dunking thingy.. i missed the hannah part too.. i missed the time when i was head over heeld abt mr wee, i missed the mornings when i purposely rush down to the parade square early in the morning to see him riding his bicycle into skool.. i missed everything.. i missed the times in commonwealth.. the times in dover has been too short and vague.. when we finally went back to dover was when we were sec 4 and pinned down by reivison and mugging and had veri lil time for each other, too lil time to strengthen our frenship further.. when i think of fairfield, i would think of the lockers, the time when we could enjoy the aircon in the ground level classroom, the time when mr wee was our invilgator for the prelims [i was exhilerated, but you all never really bothered to notice], the time when i studied in learn@fairfield with the aircon blasting and the guys being the source of noise pollution and mr wee sitting there, coaching his students... yes, many memories of fairfield were filled by him too.. i miss the times when we could sit together in mrs kwek's class and answer her questions in the most funniest ways.. i miss you, elin. i miss you, lydia.. i miss you, lp.. i miss you, lorraine.. i miss you, huiyi.. i miss you jasmine.. i miss you, ck.. i miss you, leann.. i miss you, eugenia.. i miss timo too, unexpectedly.. i miss so much pple that i cant name them all..
i missed the love we had for each other. does that love still exist between us? or have it been one-sided again? i just know that, no matter wad you tot i felt towards you, i love you. with all my heart. but this heart of mine has its defects.. it had been scarred and it is with jealousy.. the times when i had suddenly went silent was when i got so envious and unworthy of your company.. the times when i kept silent was when i ran out of things to say.. the times when i cried, was when i had felt neglected and abandoned.. the many times when i got upset, was when i probably, loved you too much.. i am oso a selfish being afterall.. i am easily swayed by jealousy.. and so, everytime when my heart is swayed by jealousy and bitterness, i get more upset by the fact that i have been sinful.. my definition of love may not be the same as your definition of love, but all i know wad love is, that it is when you care alot abt that person and that you want to very much protect that person from sadness.. but i had failed to bring happiness to you, cos i never saw how my unhappiness could have caused you pain.. darling, i never meant to make anyone of you cry.. elin, i know i have made you cry once [maybe more than once..], and i still remember that cos i am still so guilty abt it.. i never wanted pple around me to cry bcos of me.. i am underserving of that.. i am not worthy of any love from the start.. esp the love of God.. i never deserved such a great love.. and maybe, never will i be worthy of this affection.. but now, i wanna try. i wanna do something that makes me worthy of Your love, Lord. help me find a way to do so.. besides the part of getting my mother to accept the fact the i wanna be a christian and den getting her to love you, she's more stubborn than me and i am veri veri stubborn oredi.. i dun mind dying for you.
today was sooooo fun....... but im yawning, cos the fun tire me out sia..
hm, lemme state my day.
10 am : i woke up with the alarm clock screaming away.
12.30 pm : i left the house to have lunch with my sis at lot1 pizzahut, felt so bad when i just walked off..
2 pm : this was the actual time of my pw meeting, but guess wad happened? as usual, cherie, sheryl and alvin were late.. alvin was ESPECIALLY late. he looked like he wore pyajamas out..
3.30 pm : the group went to meet up with ms soo.. we talked alot and decided to continue toking on monday night.
5.30 pm : we were at lot1 trying to decide wad movie to watch, ending up with no show to watch cos got diff opinions, i think.. i just walked around and letting them do the discussing, easy does it.. den we went for dinner at kfc.. cherie, sheryl and june seemed veri hungry.. they bought huge meals.. i bought the shrooms meal, cheap and filling.. maybe cos i felt full from the spaghetti and the pizza from lunch with sis.. when we had finished eating, we did our routine standing-at-the-entrance-and-blocking-the-way-while-doing-nothing-else talk.. but alvin had driven me to the edge in bullying me and i finally "kicked" him in the arse.. that "kick" was more like a brush, like cleaning my shoe with his pants.. come to think of it now, just wanna tell him something, "SORRY THAT I KICKED TOO LIGHTLY! oh, and sorry for dirtying your pyajamas.. " did i sound veri evil.. oh, i apologise for my evilness.. haha... okae lar.. im really sorry for kicking you.. but really, stop bullying me.. you may be tall when beside me, you may be taller when beside my elder bro [meaning that even my bro cant help], but i have an advantage, i can decide the survival of your fatherhood.. cos im nearer.. haha.. ah, im being veri crude.. i shall try to be more gentle in words..
took mrt home. ezlink card left $2.11..
6.30 pm : reached home at last. from this time onwards until the time i sleep, my mother is allowed to vent her frustrations on me, since nobody else is home to be slaughtered by her words.. but i understand how she feels, so i feel compelled to just, remain silent. now THAT, keeping quiet when somebody is shouting at you in your face, is a veri DIFFICULT thing for me to do.. and i did it! yay! after her venting, i went to my room and sat down. i didnt cry.. i den got myself busy looking for things to thrash the hell out. but everything seemed either too brittle and expensive, or too hard.. hard things will smash my bones when i punch them... dun wanna hurt myself no matter how angry i am.. think of the pain, think of the time wasted in the hospital, the money seen fluttering into those cash registers[literally]? now, that is OUCH. and by the time i sat down again, from the futile search, i just grabbed my shirt edge until my hand felt my fingernails almost going thru the cloth.. den i let go, den i stared into space with alot of anger.. den the anger dissipated.. hey, i tried not to be angry in the first place, i even took in two deep breaths when she was shouting away to calm myself... next time, i shall silently count to ten.. heard that method works when you're pissed off.. hey, darren, try it.. just focus on counting those numbers.. when ten is not enough, count to twenty.. but must be slowly.
when my mother finally went to sleep, i watched "unleashed".. my father bought the pirated vcd from batam, i think.. this vcd okae lar, this time nobody suddenly stand up and walk off right infront of the screen.. toking abt movie-watching, i watched "the passion of the christ" last night! it was soooo touching.. i cried the whole time, except the beginning when the soldiers came to seize Jesus after judas kissed Him.. oh, and the scene when judas committed suicide, really felt pity for him, but i didnt cry.. he felt sooooo guilty.. he used the rope which was used to tie up a dead and rotting carcass of an unknown livestock [due to the extent of rotting-ness, it could not be identified] to hang himself on a dead tree.. the ending was quite cool, when the tomb was opened by the angels[these angels were either invisible or transparent cos the sun could shine into the tomb with no shadows cast into the tomb.. and wherever the sunshine touched the body of Jesus, the body part would "dissolve" away and meanshile, Jesus had been ressurrected! all his wounds[except the holes created by the nailing onto the cross] had disappeared and he became his old handsome self.. erm, and that time he was understandably naked from the "rebirth".. and the last scene showed the actor's ass close-up.. got a feeling that the director is a gay.. just kidding! in conclusion, the movie was really fantastic.. and in the past, i never really absorbed the fact the Jesus actually died on the cross for us... until when i watched "the passion" that i truly believed.. cos it felt soooo real..... [even though it was pirated vcd and the subtitles were unreadable and they were talking latin and another lang that is neither chinese nor eng such that i will never know wad they were toking abt unless i strained my eyes to read the subtitles..].. it was a beautiful portrayal.. abit sadist, but it just feels so reall.. every "caning" [caning may seem too soft a word to describe how those soldiers scourged Jesus] i could almost feel it with His every groan of pain.. every time that vile-looking things landed deep into His skin and flesh i would recoil in pain, that type that is like a heartache.. until i cannot tahan and fast-forwarded the beating part.. and Mary, His mother, i could feel her pain too.. so almost everytime when she saw her son being whipped and mocked at, i will cry with her.. and cool, Jesus invented the table we see in dining halls, those tall tall ones, instead of those that we have to squat down to eat.. okae, i dun think i shall believe in THAT thing... wasnt really recorded in the Bible rite?
okae, now im veri tired le.. i shall go sleep soon after i shut this laptop down..
tata!
hm, lemme state my day.
10 am : i woke up with the alarm clock screaming away.
12.30 pm : i left the house to have lunch with my sis at lot1 pizzahut, felt so bad when i just walked off..
2 pm : this was the actual time of my pw meeting, but guess wad happened? as usual, cherie, sheryl and alvin were late.. alvin was ESPECIALLY late. he looked like he wore pyajamas out..
3.30 pm : the group went to meet up with ms soo.. we talked alot and decided to continue toking on monday night.
5.30 pm : we were at lot1 trying to decide wad movie to watch, ending up with no show to watch cos got diff opinions, i think.. i just walked around and letting them do the discussing, easy does it.. den we went for dinner at kfc.. cherie, sheryl and june seemed veri hungry.. they bought huge meals.. i bought the shrooms meal, cheap and filling.. maybe cos i felt full from the spaghetti and the pizza from lunch with sis.. when we had finished eating, we did our routine standing-at-the-entrance-and-blocking-the-way-while-doing-nothing-else talk.. but alvin had driven me to the edge in bullying me and i finally "kicked" him in the arse.. that "kick" was more like a brush, like cleaning my shoe with his pants.. come to think of it now, just wanna tell him something, "SORRY THAT I KICKED TOO LIGHTLY! oh, and sorry for dirtying your pyajamas.. " did i sound veri evil.. oh, i apologise for my evilness.. haha... okae lar.. im really sorry for kicking you.. but really, stop bullying me.. you may be tall when beside me, you may be taller when beside my elder bro [meaning that even my bro cant help], but i have an advantage, i can decide the survival of your fatherhood.. cos im nearer.. haha.. ah, im being veri crude.. i shall try to be more gentle in words..
took mrt home. ezlink card left $2.11..
6.30 pm : reached home at last. from this time onwards until the time i sleep, my mother is allowed to vent her frustrations on me, since nobody else is home to be slaughtered by her words.. but i understand how she feels, so i feel compelled to just, remain silent. now THAT, keeping quiet when somebody is shouting at you in your face, is a veri DIFFICULT thing for me to do.. and i did it! yay! after her venting, i went to my room and sat down. i didnt cry.. i den got myself busy looking for things to thrash the hell out. but everything seemed either too brittle and expensive, or too hard.. hard things will smash my bones when i punch them... dun wanna hurt myself no matter how angry i am.. think of the pain, think of the time wasted in the hospital, the money seen fluttering into those cash registers[literally]? now, that is OUCH. and by the time i sat down again, from the futile search, i just grabbed my shirt edge until my hand felt my fingernails almost going thru the cloth.. den i let go, den i stared into space with alot of anger.. den the anger dissipated.. hey, i tried not to be angry in the first place, i even took in two deep breaths when she was shouting away to calm myself... next time, i shall silently count to ten.. heard that method works when you're pissed off.. hey, darren, try it.. just focus on counting those numbers.. when ten is not enough, count to twenty.. but must be slowly.
when my mother finally went to sleep, i watched "unleashed".. my father bought the pirated vcd from batam, i think.. this vcd okae lar, this time nobody suddenly stand up and walk off right infront of the screen.. toking abt movie-watching, i watched "the passion of the christ" last night! it was soooo touching.. i cried the whole time, except the beginning when the soldiers came to seize Jesus after judas kissed Him.. oh, and the scene when judas committed suicide, really felt pity for him, but i didnt cry.. he felt sooooo guilty.. he used the rope which was used to tie up a dead and rotting carcass of an unknown livestock [due to the extent of rotting-ness, it could not be identified] to hang himself on a dead tree.. the ending was quite cool, when the tomb was opened by the angels[these angels were either invisible or transparent cos the sun could shine into the tomb with no shadows cast into the tomb.. and wherever the sunshine touched the body of Jesus, the body part would "dissolve" away and meanshile, Jesus had been ressurrected! all his wounds[except the holes created by the nailing onto the cross] had disappeared and he became his old handsome self.. erm, and that time he was understandably naked from the "rebirth".. and the last scene showed the actor's ass close-up.. got a feeling that the director is a gay.. just kidding! in conclusion, the movie was really fantastic.. and in the past, i never really absorbed the fact the Jesus actually died on the cross for us... until when i watched "the passion" that i truly believed.. cos it felt soooo real..... [even though it was pirated vcd and the subtitles were unreadable and they were talking latin and another lang that is neither chinese nor eng such that i will never know wad they were toking abt unless i strained my eyes to read the subtitles..].. it was a beautiful portrayal.. abit sadist, but it just feels so reall.. every "caning" [caning may seem too soft a word to describe how those soldiers scourged Jesus] i could almost feel it with His every groan of pain.. every time that vile-looking things landed deep into His skin and flesh i would recoil in pain, that type that is like a heartache.. until i cannot tahan and fast-forwarded the beating part.. and Mary, His mother, i could feel her pain too.. so almost everytime when she saw her son being whipped and mocked at, i will cry with her.. and cool, Jesus invented the table we see in dining halls, those tall tall ones, instead of those that we have to squat down to eat.. okae, i dun think i shall believe in THAT thing... wasnt really recorded in the Bible rite?
okae, now im veri tired le.. i shall go sleep soon after i shut this laptop down..
tata!
05 June 2005
hm.. im veri scared abt the performing thing.. knew why? cos i have low confidence of myself.. i just put on a false front.. that's all.. honest. i act brave, i act like nothing really happened.. i have the potential to be a great actress, rite? but havent you noticed that i have always been staring into space and sitting at a corner whenever the others are busy toking and gossiping? if not, it's just that you never bothered to notice. many times, i accidentally show my true self and become a reluctant loner.. mostly bcos i ran out of things to say and others still have many things to say.. and i noticed that when i am with another person, everything seems veri quiet liddat, except when that person has a lot of things to complain abt.. is that usual? haiz, i dunno.. i just know that i easily run out of conversation topics..
oh yar, i got OOP.. should be toking abt the performing.. it's a stageshow, so everybody will be watching me.. that alone, is scary enough for me to forget wad im supposed to do... and i have to act out the feelings too.. ''great''!! and i gotta perform twice, maybe thrice... cos why? there's a COMPETITION. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! i wanna cry... why must i get into a competition? wad if i blundered? wad if i became the reason for the failure of the group? argh, if i think liddat i will kana.. so i guess i dun think liddat..
hm, guess wad? i have the first line for the stage performance! so cool rite? but the first line is only four words lar.. then my next line will be quite long.. gotta say, "after your father died, i had been unable to give you and your brother a better life." in chinese. den my third line will be, "okae, the plan goes as always. come, help me put the thread thru the needle, i am old.. cannot see anything oredi.." hahaha.. den this scene is kinda over.. i got 3 scenes! but the next two scenes not much.. second scene i just say three words, "pass it to me" [in chinese].. den my third scene got me scrying out my daughter's name first before toking to the lead actress and passing to her a letter.. if you dun get the story, good. cos i never expected to you to get the story.. if you wanna know, be there when we're "screening" the show!! haha.. it's kinda my debut.. hahahaha.. feel like im in the speech 'n' drama club instead of the reading club.. haha..
hm, i got a feeling my mother is toking bad abt me.. yar, she is.. but nvm, she's part of the reason i got my insecurity afterall, so im used to her criticisms..
and i just found out.. i never healed from the time in sec 2 and 3.. those wounds never healed.. i simply forgot abt the pain for a while when it suddenly came knocking on my door again.. maybe it never healed cos it never really got treated.. so now, im hoping and praying that God will be my antiseptic and my bandage and help heal my wounds, and remove those huge scars.. many of you pple reading my blog might be thinking, "wad abt God? He must have done something in those days.. must be your fault.. must be that you never let him heal your heart.. " worse come to worse, maybe you have just been reading and never tot of ANYTHING.
the prob is, come to think of it, He was trying to show me that he was blessing me in other ways.. not by friends, not by skool, not by family, but by myself.. i have overcomed depression, i had achieved in joining my drill contingent win the most honourable prize in the drill competition by clinching the challenge shield and getting the Gold.. [well, that was the first and the last gold award + challenge shield for the 3rd company.. oh yar, still got that veri handsome gb captain in 2nd company, geylang meth.. super handsome lor.. but, she's a gal lar..] i could find pple to play with, thankfully.. but still, i couldnt be saved..
my bitterness, somehow grew silently and relentlessly, without my knowledge.. i grew bitter and chased away alot of frens.. den bcos i got less frens, i got MORE bitter.. chased away my friends, did i? or have they left me bcos they tot of me as an FBI too, just like those boys?
abt the FBI naming.. i dun mind toking abt it now.. now, lemme get mentally prepared to open out my wounds again..
3 years ago, when i was a sec two gal. i was laughed at for me fat, being ugly.. some guys even tot that i was smelly and disgusting. they even wrote a haiku abt me being fat, ugly, smelly and disgusting. and many time the guys would be chanting F-B-I in a veri fascinating way.. veri veri fascinating that i did laugh at their tactics.. everytime i went to skool, i went with a light heart, cos i always looked forward to seeing mr wee, who seemed to be the only nice person in the fairfield world, but my heart just got trampled upon everytime in class.. but one day, i couldnt take it anymore of this humiliation and broke down. nobody cared. nobody came to protect me for fear of being outcasted too. it was only when months had passed and that i finally cried finish, 3 gals asked me wad happened. ha, wad else could i do but cry MORE? imagine, when you tot you had the world's best friends and you get bullied, only to find nobody near you to even console you.. nobody noticed that you were hurt, that you were crying.. you know how much that hurts? you know how much i hated everybody? know how much i hated myself? maybe you will never know.. but i really felt pain.. i felt that love never existed. only false feelings.. i broke off with the world for a long time.. i tot that life wasnt meant living anymore.. nobody really came forward to introduce me to God.. i searched for Him myself, and i found Him just in front of me.. that's why now i love Him so much..
see, i have great memory when it comes to this prob.
i guess i said too much. bye.
oh yar, i got OOP.. should be toking abt the performing.. it's a stageshow, so everybody will be watching me.. that alone, is scary enough for me to forget wad im supposed to do... and i have to act out the feelings too.. ''great''!! and i gotta perform twice, maybe thrice... cos why? there's a COMPETITION. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! i wanna cry... why must i get into a competition? wad if i blundered? wad if i became the reason for the failure of the group? argh, if i think liddat i will kana.. so i guess i dun think liddat..
hm, guess wad? i have the first line for the stage performance! so cool rite? but the first line is only four words lar.. then my next line will be quite long.. gotta say, "after your father died, i had been unable to give you and your brother a better life." in chinese. den my third line will be, "okae, the plan goes as always. come, help me put the thread thru the needle, i am old.. cannot see anything oredi.." hahaha.. den this scene is kinda over.. i got 3 scenes! but the next two scenes not much.. second scene i just say three words, "pass it to me" [in chinese].. den my third scene got me scrying out my daughter's name first before toking to the lead actress and passing to her a letter.. if you dun get the story, good. cos i never expected to you to get the story.. if you wanna know, be there when we're "screening" the show!! haha.. it's kinda my debut.. hahahaha.. feel like im in the speech 'n' drama club instead of the reading club.. haha..
hm, i got a feeling my mother is toking bad abt me.. yar, she is.. but nvm, she's part of the reason i got my insecurity afterall, so im used to her criticisms..
and i just found out.. i never healed from the time in sec 2 and 3.. those wounds never healed.. i simply forgot abt the pain for a while when it suddenly came knocking on my door again.. maybe it never healed cos it never really got treated.. so now, im hoping and praying that God will be my antiseptic and my bandage and help heal my wounds, and remove those huge scars.. many of you pple reading my blog might be thinking, "wad abt God? He must have done something in those days.. must be your fault.. must be that you never let him heal your heart.. " worse come to worse, maybe you have just been reading and never tot of ANYTHING.
the prob is, come to think of it, He was trying to show me that he was blessing me in other ways.. not by friends, not by skool, not by family, but by myself.. i have overcomed depression, i had achieved in joining my drill contingent win the most honourable prize in the drill competition by clinching the challenge shield and getting the Gold.. [well, that was the first and the last gold award + challenge shield for the 3rd company.. oh yar, still got that veri handsome gb captain in 2nd company, geylang meth.. super handsome lor.. but, she's a gal lar..] i could find pple to play with, thankfully.. but still, i couldnt be saved..
my bitterness, somehow grew silently and relentlessly, without my knowledge.. i grew bitter and chased away alot of frens.. den bcos i got less frens, i got MORE bitter.. chased away my friends, did i? or have they left me bcos they tot of me as an FBI too, just like those boys?
abt the FBI naming.. i dun mind toking abt it now.. now, lemme get mentally prepared to open out my wounds again..
3 years ago, when i was a sec two gal. i was laughed at for me fat, being ugly.. some guys even tot that i was smelly and disgusting. they even wrote a haiku abt me being fat, ugly, smelly and disgusting. and many time the guys would be chanting F-B-I in a veri fascinating way.. veri veri fascinating that i did laugh at their tactics.. everytime i went to skool, i went with a light heart, cos i always looked forward to seeing mr wee, who seemed to be the only nice person in the fairfield world, but my heart just got trampled upon everytime in class.. but one day, i couldnt take it anymore of this humiliation and broke down. nobody cared. nobody came to protect me for fear of being outcasted too. it was only when months had passed and that i finally cried finish, 3 gals asked me wad happened. ha, wad else could i do but cry MORE? imagine, when you tot you had the world's best friends and you get bullied, only to find nobody near you to even console you.. nobody noticed that you were hurt, that you were crying.. you know how much that hurts? you know how much i hated everybody? know how much i hated myself? maybe you will never know.. but i really felt pain.. i felt that love never existed. only false feelings.. i broke off with the world for a long time.. i tot that life wasnt meant living anymore.. nobody really came forward to introduce me to God.. i searched for Him myself, and i found Him just in front of me.. that's why now i love Him so much..
see, i have great memory when it comes to this prob.
i guess i said too much. bye.
04 June 2005
heyhey... today was one tiring day.. dunno why.. woke up at 7.30 just to go to skool to rehearse something... den the group toked abt it until 3....... wah, by 2 my head was stuck to my bag and my bag stuck to the table and my eyelids almost stuck together too.. hm, am veri worried abt the performance.... i can get stage fright leh.... budden the stage [when there's no audience] veri fun to enter and leave.. den i gotta act as a poor widow, who loses her daughter at the end of the show, that means that i gotta act veri veri veri sad... okae, i tried twice! lucky, can act sad.. just bow head and sound broken when calling out her name.. haha.. but before that i was laughing and laughing... and my character is supposed to be a veri sad one.. haiz... i so poor thing... den i found out, all the gals are acting, and all the guys are gonna sit back and relax, well, kinda.. the guys will take care of the props preparation.. but hey, we only need 2 pairs of nike shoes, a few beer cans, a rubbish bin, some lightings provided by the ohp projector in the lt, a rag which i have to supply myself, nothing else! argh... den liddat gals kana bullied.. haiz...
today, my sis' father-in-law was cremated. and my mother now is laughing like a madwoman while watching a variety show.. okae, back to the cremating part.. he was cremated at around 1pm.. but i didnt go, cos i didnt know and i had to go for the rehearsal.. den my mother bought 4d and betted on the time he passed away, 1742.. the number came out as consolation prize.. haiz, dunno whether should be happy abt it or not... cos, he died and thus, there is such a number... but hey, he gave us a chance to collect money.. but my bro-in-law didnt buy.. den my mother say my bro-in-law stoopid for not buying this number.. she's sooooooo i-dun-dare-to-comment.. who will have the mood to go buy 4d and bet on his father's deathtime straight after cremating his father's body!? my mother was soooooo excited abt the number coming out until her excited shrills awoke me from my slumber... honestly, i didnt even know that i fell asleep.. the last thing i remembered was doing my maths hmk.. how i managed to get to my bed and sleep remains as a mystery..
june hols has started.. and im oredi THIS tired... oh no... haiz.... may God bless me..
okae, gtg.. tata!
today, my sis' father-in-law was cremated. and my mother now is laughing like a madwoman while watching a variety show.. okae, back to the cremating part.. he was cremated at around 1pm.. but i didnt go, cos i didnt know and i had to go for the rehearsal.. den my mother bought 4d and betted on the time he passed away, 1742.. the number came out as consolation prize.. haiz, dunno whether should be happy abt it or not... cos, he died and thus, there is such a number... but hey, he gave us a chance to collect money.. but my bro-in-law didnt buy.. den my mother say my bro-in-law stoopid for not buying this number.. she's sooooooo i-dun-dare-to-comment.. who will have the mood to go buy 4d and bet on his father's deathtime straight after cremating his father's body!? my mother was soooooo excited abt the number coming out until her excited shrills awoke me from my slumber... honestly, i didnt even know that i fell asleep.. the last thing i remembered was doing my maths hmk.. how i managed to get to my bed and sleep remains as a mystery..
june hols has started.. and im oredi THIS tired... oh no... haiz.... may God bless me..
okae, gtg.. tata!
02 June 2005
hi pple... today had been a hot, walking day for me... lemme show you why..
today, i came skool for econs make-up tutorial [when did tutorial take place in a lecture theatre??], walking is definitely needed since the skool is located "miles" away from the nearest bus stop. after the tutorial, i had lil to tok to my classmates, cos my cheeks were kinda aching after alvin pinched my cheeks.. do not ask me why he did that, the only nearest logical reason i can think of, is that his brain had been roasted by the tutorial and he needed to do something that does not require brain activity.. you know wad? i always got something to say abt that old man cos he always does unexpected and fascinating things.. he oso reminds me of raymond lam, a cantonese singer-actor.. that alvin is tall and dark, not veri handsome, while raymond lam is tall, dark and handsome.. maybe the dark part is artificial tan, he looks too dark to be true sia.. haha..
den, i accompany sheryl and another 3 more gals [too tired to name out everybody] to kranji sec to join the two ex-kranjians [izzit spelt liddat?] in the quest of collecting their long-overdue o level cert.. you know wad? KSS is soooooooo damn far from the bus interchange where we started our journey from! and we had to walk that distance twice cos we gotta go back to the interchange to go our separate ways.. dunnoe why i joined them, maybe cos i had rc meeting at 1.30, and i got dismissed at 9.45.. so lemme calculate how much time in btn.. 3h45min? yar.. my mind is still in working condition..
den i gotta go back to skool from interchange, waited for the stoopid 985 for ten minutes doing nothing besides standing, breathing and stoning. den i walked to skool from the bus stop again........... den i no see anybody familiar and i dun like eating alone.. makes me feel like an outcast.. being an outcast all over again IS NOT fun.. so i wandered all around skool like a wandering ghost.. den i sat down for a while to readmy killjoy book written by julie garwood.. gotta record down the name of the author or else i forget again can refer back to my blog entry..
finally, 1.30 came reluctantly... rc started in com lab 1.. ahhhh, AIRCON........!!!!! yay! but, that was the only good news.. bad news is, i forgot that rc is gonna stage a performance, well, kinda like a performance when you hafta go up on the scary stage to act like a lunatic for 8 minutes..
and they tok and tok and tok abt a story i never heard of or read before... so i was struggling veri hard to actually listen to them and not experience a mental standby.. they were toking abt the editting of scripts.. oh yar, yh said that my chinese std dropped! wad the heck, he had been in a chinese 'a' class, while i am in a class which relatively have abit-lower-den-avg chinese 'ao' which tok eng even in chinese lesson!
and when did i join the CLDDS? rc is like cldds lor, everybody toks chinese........... i get them lar, budden i just feel odd, must be bcos i too long no communicate with others in chinese........... and they really tok alot sia....... got sooooo many of rc members are from the same class, so i kinda outcasted le... nobody from 05s13.... only got 05s27, yh's class.. i think got other gals not in that class, but i dunno them... felt so anti-social the whole time.... haiz.... wad else can i do when im oredi struggling to keep my eyelids open? yawned soooo many times.. and lucky, due to my high iq [hahahaha], i managed to grasp the story they were toking abt... lemme recall, there's a rich gal called yongxin, a poor gal called dunno-wad.. the rich gal had a seemingly perfect family, lavishing in the luxuries of life and being veri rich.. but yx's parents' marriage were oredi on the rocks and her father was having an affair... now, that poor gal might be poor in terms of economic issues, but her family had a strong bond... now, this story is actually giving us a question, wad exactly is a perfect family? is there a perfect family? the book's called 7-11 something-something... hey, my memory got limit one leh..... cannot blame me when i go "dunno-wad", "something-something"..
finally, rc ended and the whoole rc grp, except me, went for a seminar thingy.. ask yh wad they went for.. i just now that it's something big that requires an invitation card and high security and the ic.. diao~ lar... den i hungry until i cannot tahan, finally bought a twisties to fill my stomach.. now, i gotta walk to the bus stop.... den i remembered, i had to meet blur cherie to pass to her something.. which meant that i had to go the that stoppid bus interchange for the third time of the day, and wait for her... den, i gotta wait llike a dummy for the same 985 bus at the same spot where i stood a couple of hours ago.. diao~ den i stoned again.. den, when i dropped at a bus stop where im supposed to either take 180 or 187 home, i actually flagged down a 67 bus and boarded it..... cos from afar, for a veri tired eunice, 67 looks like 187.. you try lar, when you want to see something veri badly, something else appears to be the thing you want.. and i wanted veri much to go home and sleep.. den, i dropped at the next stop cos the 67 bus route was completely out off my way.... so i crossed the road, and took a diff 67 back to the bus stop where i mad my mistake, in this process, i had to cross an overhead bridge.. felt like an old woman who badly needs a walking stick or a dagger to kill herself to spare herself from the agony...
now, when i finally boarded the correct bus, i sat down immediately and fell asleep.... wad subconsciously thinking, "wow, that's fast".. haha.. almost missed my stop, cos i slept the whole journey... too damn tired..
den i reached the provision shop at my house downstairs and i remembered that i was dehydrating.. so i bought a packet of milk.. was so weak that i actually dropped that packet before i paid for it.. so i went to change to a new one.. felt so guilty abt that.. but i too health-conscious, esp when i saw a dead bug stuck to the fallen packet of milk..... with some hair.. man, that shop is DIRTY.
at home, i just laid on the floor and fell asleep while watching tv with my mother.. wake up having a numb hand cos i was using it as pillow..
now, i am veri tired, no more energy to type oso... ah, darren just added me on friendster... that is veri "efficient" of him..
tata!
today, i came skool for econs make-up tutorial [when did tutorial take place in a lecture theatre??], walking is definitely needed since the skool is located "miles" away from the nearest bus stop. after the tutorial, i had lil to tok to my classmates, cos my cheeks were kinda aching after alvin pinched my cheeks.. do not ask me why he did that, the only nearest logical reason i can think of, is that his brain had been roasted by the tutorial and he needed to do something that does not require brain activity.. you know wad? i always got something to say abt that old man cos he always does unexpected and fascinating things.. he oso reminds me of raymond lam, a cantonese singer-actor.. that alvin is tall and dark, not veri handsome, while raymond lam is tall, dark and handsome.. maybe the dark part is artificial tan, he looks too dark to be true sia.. haha..
den, i accompany sheryl and another 3 more gals [too tired to name out everybody] to kranji sec to join the two ex-kranjians [izzit spelt liddat?] in the quest of collecting their long-overdue o level cert.. you know wad? KSS is soooooooo damn far from the bus interchange where we started our journey from! and we had to walk that distance twice cos we gotta go back to the interchange to go our separate ways.. dunnoe why i joined them, maybe cos i had rc meeting at 1.30, and i got dismissed at 9.45.. so lemme calculate how much time in btn.. 3h45min? yar.. my mind is still in working condition..
den i gotta go back to skool from interchange, waited for the stoopid 985 for ten minutes doing nothing besides standing, breathing and stoning. den i walked to skool from the bus stop again........... den i no see anybody familiar and i dun like eating alone.. makes me feel like an outcast.. being an outcast all over again IS NOT fun.. so i wandered all around skool like a wandering ghost.. den i sat down for a while to readmy killjoy book written by julie garwood.. gotta record down the name of the author or else i forget again can refer back to my blog entry..
finally, 1.30 came reluctantly... rc started in com lab 1.. ahhhh, AIRCON........!!!!! yay! but, that was the only good news.. bad news is, i forgot that rc is gonna stage a performance, well, kinda like a performance when you hafta go up on the scary stage to act like a lunatic for 8 minutes..
and they tok and tok and tok abt a story i never heard of or read before... so i was struggling veri hard to actually listen to them and not experience a mental standby.. they were toking abt the editting of scripts.. oh yar, yh said that my chinese std dropped! wad the heck, he had been in a chinese 'a' class, while i am in a class which relatively have abit-lower-den-avg chinese 'ao' which tok eng even in chinese lesson!
and when did i join the CLDDS? rc is like cldds lor, everybody toks chinese........... i get them lar, budden i just feel odd, must be bcos i too long no communicate with others in chinese........... and they really tok alot sia....... got sooooo many of rc members are from the same class, so i kinda outcasted le... nobody from 05s13.... only got 05s27, yh's class.. i think got other gals not in that class, but i dunno them... felt so anti-social the whole time.... haiz.... wad else can i do when im oredi struggling to keep my eyelids open? yawned soooo many times.. and lucky, due to my high iq [hahahaha], i managed to grasp the story they were toking abt... lemme recall, there's a rich gal called yongxin, a poor gal called dunno-wad.. the rich gal had a seemingly perfect family, lavishing in the luxuries of life and being veri rich.. but yx's parents' marriage were oredi on the rocks and her father was having an affair... now, that poor gal might be poor in terms of economic issues, but her family had a strong bond... now, this story is actually giving us a question, wad exactly is a perfect family? is there a perfect family? the book's called 7-11 something-something... hey, my memory got limit one leh..... cannot blame me when i go "dunno-wad", "something-something"..
finally, rc ended and the whoole rc grp, except me, went for a seminar thingy.. ask yh wad they went for.. i just now that it's something big that requires an invitation card and high security and the ic.. diao~ lar... den i hungry until i cannot tahan, finally bought a twisties to fill my stomach.. now, i gotta walk to the bus stop.... den i remembered, i had to meet blur cherie to pass to her something.. which meant that i had to go the that stoppid bus interchange for the third time of the day, and wait for her... den, i gotta wait llike a dummy for the same 985 bus at the same spot where i stood a couple of hours ago.. diao~ den i stoned again.. den, when i dropped at a bus stop where im supposed to either take 180 or 187 home, i actually flagged down a 67 bus and boarded it..... cos from afar, for a veri tired eunice, 67 looks like 187.. you try lar, when you want to see something veri badly, something else appears to be the thing you want.. and i wanted veri much to go home and sleep.. den, i dropped at the next stop cos the 67 bus route was completely out off my way.... so i crossed the road, and took a diff 67 back to the bus stop where i mad my mistake, in this process, i had to cross an overhead bridge.. felt like an old woman who badly needs a walking stick or a dagger to kill herself to spare herself from the agony...
now, when i finally boarded the correct bus, i sat down immediately and fell asleep.... wad subconsciously thinking, "wow, that's fast".. haha.. almost missed my stop, cos i slept the whole journey... too damn tired..
den i reached the provision shop at my house downstairs and i remembered that i was dehydrating.. so i bought a packet of milk.. was so weak that i actually dropped that packet before i paid for it.. so i went to change to a new one.. felt so guilty abt that.. but i too health-conscious, esp when i saw a dead bug stuck to the fallen packet of milk..... with some hair.. man, that shop is DIRTY.
at home, i just laid on the floor and fell asleep while watching tv with my mother.. wake up having a numb hand cos i was using it as pillow..
now, i am veri tired, no more energy to type oso... ah, darren just added me on friendster... that is veri "efficient" of him..
tata!
01 June 2005
heyhey... i just saw the most disgusting thing in singapore. i saw a middle-aged man, in white t shirt and nazy blue pants, peeing behind the rubbish dump behind my house.. i ALMOST saw everything, lucjy his back was facing me sia... or else i sore eyes.. haha.. den he turned back and scanned the surroundings... he has low intelligence sia, should have checked his suroundings BEFORE peeing lor......
okae, now i watching daredevil.. den after that, i'll watch elektra.. elektra's llike daredevil's part 2.. okae, gtg.. tata!
okae, now i watching daredevil.. den after that, i'll watch elektra.. elektra's llike daredevil's part 2.. okae, gtg.. tata!
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