hey.. think i am addicted to blogging twice a day now..
every now and then i think of the 33-yr-old guy.. and so, every now and then i get reminded of him getting married in ten days.. i cant help but feel lost.. but i wont cry.. cos he didnt break my heart at all.. [cos i have no more tears to shed..] that's the advantage of infatuation.. you will never get your heart broken by the person you love so much cos he doesnt know you well enough to do so.. and he isnt close enough.. when you cant reach him and he cant touch you.. you are protected.. whereas, being together usually doesnt mean life will be as fulfilled as a life staying single.. being together means responsiblity and trust.. now, i cant afford to trust anybody anymore.. and i am too overwhelmed to take the responsibility of another person.. cant let love take over your life, dont be held back by it.. it's a waste.. mortal love will one day die down.. you cant keep looking back at the happy memories of the time you were together, it hurts even more.. you may keep comparing it with the present, and that is what i call irritating.. and it hurts alot.. to know that you have contributed so much to something which somehow, came to nothing..
my heart still hurts.. and it hurts alot.. and it hurts even more when i see the invitation letter to his wedding.. but suddenly, i feel so proud of him and myself.. [i know im weird.. you dont have to tell me..] i feel that i have indeed chosen a guy whom other women are willing to spend their life with.. that i have not made the wrong choice of liking this guy.. cos i could have wasted my love on a jerk.. somehow, i am proud of him cos he finally has a complete life; the love of his life, a successful career [a stable job, that is..] and true friends who will stand by him..
he has my blessings, and have been having it ever since i heard of his marriage.. i didnt hesitate to give him mine at all.. cos i know i cant possibly be as self-indulgent as orsino.. cos i know im not worthy of him right from the start when i fell of him.. i dont deserve such a wonderful man.. at all..
